Thursday, May 15, 2008

Brain Diarrhoea

So I was sitting at Mcdonald’s eating my Bubur Ayam McD and drinking my ice cold Ribena by myself while waiting for a couple of people to satisfy their obsession with that Digby girl.

Oh yes I was there. But only for 5 minutes before I rubbished it to have my dinner. So many people. Too many people. Screaming. Kids. So many kids. Shouldn’t they be at home studying for their exams? Bodies squeezing against each other. Pushing. I’m too old for this nonsense. I’m tired and hungry. I’ve spent too long at work to enjoy crushing myself with the crowd to watch some random chick sing live in the middle of a shopping mall. Is it worth going through all that for 1.5 hours just to catch a glimpse of her singing a couple of songs? Truth is, I’ve never fancied her. I didn’t like that she or whoever who was responsible for her took no action to correct the masses conception that she was some raw undiscovered talent who happened to put her own version of Rihanna’s grating, soul-sucking Umbrella on Youtube.come, when the truth is that she is already discovered and is already a signed artist. Granted she never said that she wasn’t, but inactions to correct a misconception is still a deception. So screw her. She isn’t all that fantastic anyway. Fantastic talent? Right. Singer/guitar players are a dime in a dozen. The only thing that really sets her apart is that she is young and very easy on the eye, which of course means $$$$$$$$$ in the entertainment business. Fantastic talent? Hah. Let me see you play that guitar with your feet while you’re upside down and suspended mid-air lah tiu.

Oops. Didn’t mean to sound bitter. Please don't flame me.

Bubur Ayam McD is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Who would’ve thought that McD's was capable of making something so delicious and dare I say it, almost healthy? I was so sceptical when they first introduced this on their menu. I thought it would taste like plastic. Or cardboard. Or salt water. Or styrofoam. How can McD's get THIS one right? Even some hotels fuck it up, what more a fastfood chain? I thought the rice in the porridge wouldn’t actually BE rice. I thought they would use dehydrated fake veges and meat like instant noodles in a cup would. But I was so wrong. The moment the first spoonful of Bubur Ayam of my life made contact with my mouth, I knew in that instant that my life would never be the same again. Once you open the cover of the styrofoam container and the rush of vapour rising out of the steaming porridge hits your nose – that’s when you realise that it is Just. Like. Porridge. And it smells SO GOOD. Chopped spring onions, tiny bits of chicken meat (not "juicy chicken strips" as advertised, they lied but i'll let that slide), fine slices of ginger, white pepper, diced red chilly, fried shallots, atop a bowl of thick gooey porridge, fused together to create a beautiful symphony of aroma which reminds you of home. As you take your first bite of your bubur ayam, you’ll smile and cry while you thank the heavens that men are still capable of inventing mind-blowing perfection. Right here. On a fastfood menu.

Do you have an issue with eating alone? Well, it isn’t at the top of my list of favourite things to do but if I don’t have a choice I don’t mind it too much, provided I have something to entertain myself with and that something is usually a reading material. However, last night at McD’s I didn’t have any, and couldn’t be arsed to buy a reading material just to keep me company, so it was just me and my food. So I sat down with my tray of my mouth-watering goodness of bubur ayam which I couldn’t wait to get my mouth on and an icy-cold Ribena (drink of Gods). Lost in my own thoughts. Recollecting what I did for the day. Planning what I should do the next day. Thinking how orgasmic my bubur is. Wondering how I should update my blog. Looking forward to moving into my new division. Thinking that I really should get more sleep. With so many things in your head it’s really easy to forget that you’re eating by yourself in a fastfood restaurant, until the other people start staring, double-taking. Triple-taking. With that weird expression on their faces. Pity? I don't know.

One night, when I was at a restaurant with a few people and we saw a guy eating by himself. Somebody quipped “please don’t let me catch you ever doing this. It’s just so sad” – it made me wonder if those people who were staring at me were thinking or even talking among themselves about what I sad person I was. I didn’t like that. People judging other people just because they choose to or didn’t have to choice but to eat by themselves. What’s the problem? Am I intruding in your space? Does my presence disturb you? Am I stealing too much of your oxygen? Do I stink? Please stop looking at me like I’m some alien freak with a horn above my head and green scales. I’m just minding my own business and eating my bubur ayam you dickheads. Strange thing is that this phenomenon of “people looking at you weird when you eat alone” only happens in Malaysia though. When I was in Australia, it’s perfectly okay. Nobody stares, everybody minds their own business. Our people have some serious issues man.

One of the things I thought about while stuffing my face with bubur were priorities. My priorities and other people’s priorities. For some reason, maybe because of my needy character, other people’s needs and wants would come first before mine. Not all the time, most times. Especially for loved ones. I would go out of the way to please them, make them happy. I thought it makes me happy and appreciated, making them happy. I always had a misconception that if I put them as my priority, I would by default, be their number one priority as well. Obviously that is never true. I think it’s inherent human nature for people to only make you their priority when they need you or when they feel like it, but never consistently by default. I still have to come to terms with that. Admittedly I also have problems with managing my expectations about other people. I keep having to tell myself that I shouldn’t feel disappointed when I am not appreciated accordingly or made to feel like I'm the best shit that was ever created by god (cue fanfare and crashing of cymbals). Must be the Leo ego. Many people have said this to me, and I still have yet to internalise this; I should always be my number one priority. Everybody else comes after me, no matter who, no matter what. I have to love myself before others can love me. I have to be happy with me before I can be happy with anyone else. So simple, yet so difficult to do.

Feeling rather grumpy and out of focus. It’s from the combination of 1) lack of rest and 2) annoying huge ulcer near my throat which makes it difficult for me to swallow or even open my mouth without feeling some form of excruciating pain.

I'm salivating just thinking about the Bubur Ayam I had last night. Yum. Must be the damn MSG.

To end this on a happy note, being held to sleep by a loved one has to be the best feeling in the whole wide world. :)


  1. Mows? mow mow mow mow?? *guilty* Mow....

  2. no lar. they were staring at you going, "eh isn't that the femes blogger Fireangel why is she all alone should I go over and say hi I shy lar so I'll stare at her instead wtf"


    Would have accompanied you last night (if I knew you were there in the first place lar) while he went and ogle Marie (I was there too but cabut early too, so not worth the trouble standing there watching her), but i had er... some fish to fry. haha.

    FA: I hope the fish was worth it and doesn't poison you in the end :P

  3. fish was worth it, and no, it was not the fish you are assuming it was. different fish. hahaha

  4. ahhh... the Bubur Ayam... so long haven't makan, even though McD is just next to my office... bah!!

    will probably go buy myself one during overtime tonight... heh... ;)

  5. Hmmm. When I was in KL, I ducked into the McD's in KL Sentral and had a Spicy Chicken McDeluxe.

    It was pretty damn good! Dark meat and spicy!

    We don't get that here.

    FA: Well, if you makes you feel any better, we don't get bacon burger here. :)

  6. Ikan bakar, ikan goreng, ikan tiga rasa, ikan dan cip,.....

  7. well.... i wasn't the one who got to ogle at half naked men prancing around in their undies :P WHILE HAVING DINNER!!!!

    Talk about floor show. :P

    feel guilty for like 5 minutes....

  8. Oh, you should read about this:

    and this:

    FA: Yeay! Thanks for backing me up!

  9. Bubur Ayam McD sucks.

    FA: WHAT?!?!? NO!!!!

  10. u do sound bitter .. lol
    just coming in to join the ride

    enjoy reading ur blog ;p


  11. who cares that marie digby did all that hollywood marketin g jazz. I think she's hot and she has quite the asian looks. Nice, not too bad voice. Not a bad marketing idea! Innovative, and creative. Why not? She's hot... did i mentioned she's so hot? And no, I did not buy her album, coz I'm cheap.

    FA: Thanks for reaffirming my point about how her looks sold her. :)

  12. "Strange thing is that this phenomenon of “people looking at you weird when you eat alone” only happens in Malaysia though. When I was in Australia, it’s perfectly okay. Nobody stares, everybody minds their own business. Our people have some serious issues man. "

    FA, you'll suck back those words if you come live in Australia and realize after 1000 sessions of solo porridge eating that the only reason nobody is staring at you is coz your aussie friends don't give a shit if you're left alone.

  13. Ah yes. It is indeed a phenomenon. But it's convenient.

    And Marie is hawt and talented :P That's about all I kinda expect lo. I am not looking for magicz. keke.

  14. Dirteel - FA has lived in Aussie. Aussies don't have a problem with people eating alone. It's not that we don't care, but we figure that if you want company to eat with you'd invite someone, otherwise we assume you like eating alone. Some people do prefer to eat by themselves rather than have company.
    And even if you do invite someone to eat with you, they may have plans, or they may like to eat alone, so they might turn your offer down. If they do, it doesn't mean they don't care if you're alone when eating. If anything they'd probably assume you're rather juevenile if you require someone to hold your hand whilst you're eating. 1000 sessions of solo porridge ... so what, I've eaten way more than ten thousand solo meals in my life time and it neither reflects on me or my friends.
    It's not like it's a crime to be alone when you eat, and just because someone is eating on their own doesn't mean no one cares for them or that they're some sort of loser. It just means they happen to be hungry and are grown up enough to tend to their own needs without requiring emotional support to justify eating.
    So next time you're sucking back your soggy porridge on your own, rejoice that you're in a country where you won't get rude stares from people because they're judging you as a loser for eating alone.

    FA: can't believe I actually read the entire comment. :)

  15. Hi. I've tagged you

  16. EEEE fireangel got boyfriend ediii!!

  17. FA - You read one of my comments? *faints*

  18. marie digby.. hmmm.. i don't see what's so interesting about her also.. hehehe..

    anyways, i do have a prob with eating alone.. coz all my life since i was young, i have been alone.. playing alone, eating alone, studying alone.. i'm the only child.. so growing up, i like to have friends around with me.. i'd avoid eating alone even it means that i've to go hungry.. but there was once i watched a movie alone and a couple of times i had mcD alone.. i just feel weird doing things alone..

    "To end this on a happy note, being held to sleep by a loved one has to be the best feeling in the whole wide world."

    i HAVE to totally agree with u on this! :D but sigh.. the last time my hubby hugged me to sleep was like more than a month ago! :( he's away working in mexico now *sigh*

  19. yes begrudge the girl for her successs. the world is not a nice place .. deal with it! i dont' give 2 fucks about marie digby but hey thats life.. guys automatically go after the cun girls... and girls dont give 2 hoots about the nerd lusting after them ...

    anyway nice to hear that you have somebody to hug you to sleep... i think that should be enough..


    I was just having a debate with a friend last night because he said Asians don't really care about the individual as opposed to Westerners (he's a Yankee). As riled up as I was, I agree some, no, many of us have a problem with the concept of the 'individual'. But it would help if the rest of us who *are* individuals to not give a crap about what other people think when they look at us.

    People need to mind their own fucking businesses. Seriously.


  21. Dabido: Don't want this to turn into a debate, but you didn't say anything I wasn't expecting to hear.

  22. WTF??? who's hugging you to sleep???

  23. right!
    i eat alone too..whats the big deal! malaysians have attitude! F them!

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  25. actually... i think that holding a loved one while she falls asleep and listening to the sound of her breathing.. the gentle rise and fall of her chest... when she shifts and snuggles against you to get comfy... that's one of the best feelings in the world...

  26. Even though I get very self conscious when I walk into an eatery and ordering alone, I do in fact, enjoy eating alone. I enjoy doing a lot of things alone, say like, shopping, watching movies. If that means I'm a pathetic loser, so be it. I like what I do.

    When I was in HK, I noticed that a lot of people actually eat alone, male and female. And nobody gives them a second eye. Maybe its how they try to get some alone time living in a crowded city.

    PS: Why can't we get Miley Cyrus to come to Malaysia? I'm sure she's more entertaining than Marie Digby LOL

  27. Dirteel - then why did you tell FA she'd "suck back those words"? If you already knew FA had lived in Aussie and that she is adult enough to eat alone, it's obvious she isn't going to suck back her words at all. If you already knew that Aussies don't mind eating alone and that letting you eat alone is not a sign that they don't care if you're alone, why did you comment?

    Your second comment seems to claim you already knew the answer, which leads to the question, why critisize FA's post at all? Better to have said something more agreeable than to tell someone they'd 'suck back those words' when you know they won't.

    Anywat, hope you find some friends to eat porridge with rather soon.

    And I don't mind debates, sometimes it's the only way to learn. :-)

  28. Dabido, I was referring to your words when I said I was expecting them, not hers. I know this part of the story. You like your countrymen seem to have strong disdain for emotionally dependent people. Good for you.

    But some of you place too much importance on the need to appear independent. This is where it sours. I hope you see it.

  29. I used to think eating alone is weird but now i love it. If I cant find some one who shares the same love for beef balls noodles or mcds, then I would eat alone. Make sense right? But I wont eat a steak or go for a romantic dinner on my own la.

  30. Dirtell - I perceived your original comment as two sections which I defended. First, you telling FA she'd suck back her words if she'd had to live in Aussie and eat alone, which as I pointed out she has already done, so her words won't be getting sucked back any time soon.

    Second was your claim that you have to eat alone as Aussies don't give a damn if you're eating alone. Like I pointed out, in Aussie there isn't anything wrong with eating alone. This was something FA was getting at as well, she doesn't mind eating alone. Which also counteracts your statement that she'd suck back her words.
    Also, as she was pointing out, just because she eats alone doesn't make her an alien freak.

    As for a disdain for emotionally dependent people, I've found my countrymen to be very giving in that area. [Not always, but we do things like give 1 billion dollars of our own money to the Indonesian Tsunami when it happened - that doesn't include what our Government gave. So we are actually a very empathic bunch of people].

    As for appearing to be independent. Well, we are pretty much independent. If anything, we hate to be told what to do or where to go etc. [Unlike our former Government who did whatever GW Bush told them to do]. You seem to think it's some sort of act. Well, it isn't. We grow up in a society where eating alone is Okay, and we're used to it. From what FA has said, she doesn't mind it either, but to assume that it's some sort of act by Aussies to 'appear independent' really shows you're not in tune with the culture here.

    The importance in Australia isn't to 'appear' independent. The importance is to 'Be' Independent.
    And I know plenty of people form overseas who do understand it. Many of my old Japanese friends back in Sydney always said they loved the fact that they felt more free to be who they really are in Australia, as opposed to in Japan where conformity was important.

    So, let me encourage you to 'be' independent. Not as a means to fit in or even to 'appear' independent, but as something for yourself.
    As the old Master Apprentices song says, 'Do what you want to do, be what you want to be. Yeah!'
    And if you find yourself eating alone, grab a book or newspaper and read whilst you're eating. [Or play a computer game, or read a blog if you eat at your computer].

  31. Eh, what's wrong with eating a steak alone? I used to do that all the time in Mid Valley for dinner, worked in the office blocks and went down to Chilis to grab a steak and a beer. But then again half way through the meal there would always be someone I know walking past to join me mid-meal for a beer!

  32. why argue like that le? Why debate an issue where both sides are right?

    Seriously, i hate watching movie alone (rather do DVD on my bed), eating alone,why not? Maybe i will not at in a fancy restaurant alone often, but some times i want to pamper myself ma.

    People staring? OH MY GOD?! i never know... if i knew then what i know now... i would not have ... cheh! who cares?

    If a person is secure and confident, we don't care about things like this. In smaller towns in OZ, you can try sitting down with strangers if you don't want to eat alone. It works for me... never lived in big cities there so... oh well. I find people there more open and friendly.

    People will do what they want to do, why is it even our concern? as long as we're at peace with ourselves, and ready to bare the consequences of our actions, nothing matters.

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