Monday, April 29, 2013

Round and a Round and a Round We Go.

This post is inspired by PMS and champagne.

Not too long ago, this post would've been about me freaking out. Freaking out about not meeting my so-called, obliged life KPIs. You know, the whole thing about getting a great job that pays you shitloads, getting married, having kids.

The old me would've shook my head and asked myself WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE.

The old me would've freaked out whenever someone is against whatever I'm doing - be it a friend, or a family.

The old me would've felt the clock ticking, because I want to get hitched and have that kid now. and I'm desperately clinging on to relationships that barely work.

The new me is like, fuck that. If it doesn't happen maybe it isn't meant to be. I ain't gonna settle for any piece of shit.

I look around me and I've realised that people who went through conventional paths of life aren't necessarily happier or better. In fact, they could be in worse shape. There's nothing to envy because everybody chooses their own paths, their lives are different. Just because it could work for them, doesn't mean it could work for me.

Detractors' lives aren't a bed roses either - so really why should I feel upset when they question my life? I'm done with people judging me. Telling me that I should get a REAL job. Feeling bad for me because i'm still "single". Telling me I should be this, or doing that.

Thanks for caring. I love advise and encouragement. But please, keep the pity party and the high horse to yourself. Just because I do not walk down your path does not make me wrong. Or a failure.

Really, I rather be alone for the rest of my life, than "settle" for average just because I'm "supposed to".

Really, I rather be jumping jobs for the rest of my life, rather than having "blind loyalty" just because I'm "supposed to".

Maybe I'm destined to be alone for the rest of my life. Maybe I'm destined to be a nomad.

Yes sometimes it REALLY gets to me - when people are judgemental or hard or negative. But I tell myself now that it's because they truly care. Not because they are malicious... and I feel better. Of course there are days when it gets harder. But it's all in my head, really. It's all within my control.

I've wasted at least 6 years of my life at deadbeat jobs and relationships. I've had enough of mediocrity. I will not waste anymore time than I have to. I will do, and when I am done, I will stop. I won't stick around out of "social obligation". What does that term even mean?

As long as it doesnt hurt anyone, I'm going to keep doing what makes me happy. I'm going to keep learning. I'm gonna keep experiencing. I'll be done when I say I'm done.

Because as long as I'm happy, nobody can tell me I'm not.

Shit, I'm pretty sure when I read this back tomorrow, I won't understand what I've said. lol.

Goodnight world.

Any time spent at regret is wasted time. Be happy. Be at peace.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Into 3 Weeks

This is my third week of the new job. too many words running in my head to describe how it is so far. But it is a combination of the following:


I had a huge cultural shock when i joined. This environment is completely alien to me and I can only be thankful that my past 10 years of colourful working experiences has given me some tools and knowledge to sort shit out on my own, sort of/

I have to admit that there has been more than once which I have doubted my decision. More than once I wanted to throw in the towel. More than once I had to calm myself down when I was at the verge of being in tears. More than once I have thought about how it would be if I had just taken up the other more comfortable,  familiar opportunity. More than once I just wanted to stay in bed from mental and physical exhaustion wondering what madness is this for committing myself into something as nutty as this. I realise that it's because I want to keep on learning. Keep on doing and experiencing new things. This is of course to the detriment of my career path, salary, and possibly added stress - but what is the meaning of life if you're not going to be challenged by something new every now and then? Where's the fun in the mundane, the safe, and the mechanical routine? I totally wanted this, and nothing is ever perfect.

And then there are times, like tonight, when I feel like the decision I made is completely spot on. Look, if I never had the chance to do this, I will never had to push myself out of my comfortable zone  - I would never have had to force myself to meet people, learn to communicate, learn to be human. I am forced to read people, to understand them, to try and anticipate them. So much opportunity to observe and absorb. I am constantly surrounded by salespeople. I used to hate salespeople - to me they talked too much are are never honest.. and now I'm starting to realise why they have to be what they are. And now I have a newfound respect for them. Sometimes people have to do what they have to do to get the job done. Hate the game. Don't hate the player. If I had my cushy cubicle job, I will never have so much opportunity to learn and observe ... people. We are such fascinating creatures. :) That being said, I can never be com

I will keep reminding myself to be grateful to all the help I've been getting from my new found colleagues. Not all of them are as readily helpful -- and that's something I need to learn to overcome. But I at awe at how some people are just so, unselfish, self sacrificial, and generous.
At least for now. I'm going to take everything at face value because there's no other reason to doubt kindness.

So I guess the only left to say is - BRING IT ON. If it doesn't kill me I'm just gonna keep kicking ass.