Saturday, April 29, 2006

Short One - Bachelor Bash Update.

Cleo's Most Eligible Bachelor of the Year 2006 is......

Jeremy Little.

He is really quite cute, I mean just look at his dimples man. Cute giler.

When I first went through the "list" I meant to vote for him. Even filled out the nomination form and everything. Just never sent it out. Idiot. But it's the thought that counts right?

I got pictures with just about 1/5 of the bachelors. So dissapointing. They were all always damn busy, constantly surrounded by swarms of women AND men, getting their GAME on. Damn ridiculous.

Hard to track the bachelors down one by one also lah. Didn't bring my magazine and didn't switch on my stalking skills.

I failed Paparazzi Stalker 101 miserably. :(

But I did manage to shamelessly take pictures with at LEAST some of the HOTTEST guys in the list.

Why, thank you thank you. *bows*

Joe, gua ada cium Ben Ibrahim untuk lu. Dia tu cium aku balik, tau? Jangan jealous. That fucker is HOT. Like after the volcano erupts smokin' hot sial. It's too ridiculous. Just typing his name out makes me all..... oh baby .... will somebody turn on the fucking air-conditioning here ALREADY! *fans self furiosly*

Got some big names there also that night. The Wan sisters. Serena C. Rashid Salleh. Reshmonu.... if there were more I didn't recognise them. But it's not like they recognise me either.... hehehe.

This is my second time meeting Reshmonu up close and personal. He had some audition going on for his "Hey Wally" video some time back and they needed "sexy girls". I tried out for because dancing is only like my FAVOURITE THING TO DO EVER. Er.. I didn't read the "sexy girls" requirements properly so when the music went on I danced like how I would usually dance, emulating a freaking baboon with cili padi up its ass. I'm not really good at dancing "slutty sexy" anyway. Apperently he remembered me..... either that or he was just being really nice. :P

And have I mentioned that Bachelor Number 3 is the sweetest ever? Well I need to say it again. Nicholas IS the sweetest ever. Ever. EVER. Thank you so very much!

Picture updates soon.

Ineligible Fags
Bash The Bachelors.
The Cleo Bachelor Bash (LOTS of pictures)

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Bash The Bachelors.

..... only if you WANT to.

Well, I have PASSES to crash "The Bachelor Bash", the party which takes place after the "crowning" of The Cleo Bachelor of 2006.

Passes are important. Passes makes me happy. Passes gets you IN to the damn party.

This party will be a great opportunity for us to hunt down our favourite bachelor, corner him and ask him the questions we've been dying to ask,

"Can I bear your children?"
"Do you like it up the ass?"
"Does this dress make me look fat?"
"Do you mind it if your girl occasionally feasts on human children?"

Etc. Etc.

We ALL want answers, damnit. And this is probably THE best and ONLY time to find out for ourselves whether or not the bachelors are gay. Or married bastards. Or married gay bastards.

Information of The Bash are on the following self-explanatory pictures.

Front of pass

Back of pass

Details in detail

Sorry kids.

I reckon I have more readers than real friends. Well, at least SOME of you who hang around here pressing that F5 button till it corrode ARE REAL HUMAN READERS, right? RIGHT?

So not wanting to waste any of these "precious" passes I'm giving them away to the first 7 (SEVEN) people who email me at

aphroditus (at) gmail (dot) com

Passes are compliments of Bachelor Number 3 (who by the way, IS NOT GAY, and said it so, TO MY FACE. I mean, dudes, if the man says he ain't gay, AND bribes me with free stuff - HE AIN'T GAY. Hehehe). Nick is DAMN sweet. Like an oversized lollipop. Like 10 teaspoons of sugar in a cup of coffee. Like icing on cake.

I SHOULD be there (IF my own bloody friends are willing to go with me, fucking bitches), trying my luck at camwhoring in every shameless black-mail worthy poses EVER with every "eligible" "guy" I can get my filthy paws on .

If you're there, nudge me, we'll take pictures and I'll plaster it all over my site too, without your permission of course.



EMAIL ME AT aphroditus (at) gmail (dot) com!


(subject to availability)

Ineligible Fags
Short One - Bachelor Bash Update.
The Cleo Bachelor Bash (LOTS of pictures)

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Yes yes, I AM a Midget.

I am about 156cm. Maybe 154.

That's about 5 feet 2 inches. Or 1 inch.


Maybe much shorter. I don't know.

If you didn't know that I was short before, NOW you do.

I blame it on the lack of eating babies when I was younger. The babies I consume now all go straight to my hips.

So, the next person who exclaims "OMFG YOU ARE SO SHORT" or anything remotely similar to that will get gang-raped by a horde of horny male orang-utans artificially stimulated with 10000cc's of SEX HORMONES.

I am fucking sick of people acting all surprise and shit at how short I am. It's not like I have a snout for a nose. Or pointy elf ears. Or 3 extra arms. Or an embedded twin on my back. Or that half of my body is covered in green slimy fish scales.

I'm. Just. Short.

It's not even funny anymore.

Freakingly tall poeple deserve to be in travelling circuses anyway.

You heart-eating bastards.

The proper term is "petite and cute", OKAY!

Class dismissed.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

The Homecoming - Cast & Bloggers Meet

So the cast of The Homecoming and a bunch of bloggers met up for koktokking and drinks last Sunday at the Bulldog which was somewhere around Sri Hartamas.

3 of us, Suan, Paul and I were the first to arrive at the joint at about 4pm. Suan just had her ear cut open so she couldn't have any alcohol because of her antibiotics and was whining like a pregnant bitch with a craving for pickled nutmeg. Being the self-sacrificing GOOD friend that I naturally am, I drank for TWO to make up for her loss. :P

We had half-thought that the cast would FFK us, because it was all cold and wet outside from the storm earlier. Well.. they didn't. Hence, the lack of hatred and profanities in this post. Heh.

Of course, being freaking chronic "bloggers" Suan and I took turns forcing the casts to camwhore with us, which they docilely complied to. Thankfully too, otherwise things could get a little messy when I take out the cuffs and leather spiked whips.

Turns out that they were more of a camwhore than us. -_-"


Patrick Teoh aka Uncle Sam.

Patrick arrived the earliest and entertained us with stories from his past. A bloody natural camwhore/playwhore/blogwhore, Patrick is the funniest and nicest guy ever! So unlike his Radio 4 days when he's constantly barking at his callers for being idiotic. *phew* I was a tad bit dissapointed that Min couldn't make it though because she's the sweetest, warmest thing ever and I like her to bits!

Ben Tan aka Teddy

Ben came in second. He whipped out a rather big sophisticated looking tool and started shooting at us. A lot.

Then 2 hours after the meet he posted up all his handiwork in the blog for all to see. Damn fast. Speedy Gonzales ain't got nothing on him.

It's here ---> Click!

Jia-Wei aka Ruth

Oh my god. Jia-Wei is so damn hot in real life she makes it hard for a straight girl to stay straight. Didn't even get to talk to her much that night as the other guys were all wrestling for her attention. I didn't even stand a chance. :(

U-En aka Lenny

I liked U-En a LOT! He damn layan-ed me half the night. Of course I was the one who bugged him the whole time to be layan-ed but he was really nice as he didn't pull his ALL hair out, yell at me or threaten me with a hammer or anything like that. AND he really has this wicked, subtle sense of humour. I like!!!

Suan doing her thang.

Suan you bitch. Stop stealing my men. How the hell am I EVER going to have a chance with my "happily ever after" if you keep luring the guys away from me like that you evil scheming fox. CATFIGHT. GRR.

Ian aka Joey

Ian arrived late because he was doing his hair. Ian's version of hell would be a place with no reflective surfaces. Hahahah! Don't punch my face Ian! Patrick said it one! I'm just quoting Patrick only! *runs*

Max aka Thor

Thor is really sweet! I had the pleasure of speaking to him on the phone quite recently and he is so damn nice! I saw him in Gubra and I kept expecting his character to say something like "Where the hell's the goddamn scissors" (like in the homecoming) in Cantonese but of course, he never did. Sian.

At the Bulldog, I asked him how old he was. He said, "63"

No way. You look at LEAST........... 75 to me. :P

Gavin Yap aka The Director

Wah. When I first saw him I turned bright pink. Then he sat right next to me and I MUST've turned a few shades pinker. *sweats* So what if he was forced to seat next to me because there weren't any other available seats left on our table? I mean, if he wanted to, he could've ALWAYS taken another chair right? But no! He sat next to me wei!

I didn't think my blushing was so obvious until that SUAN pointed it out rather loudly, "FA! What's wrong with you lah? Why so red?" Bitch!

We didn't talk much because I was a little star-strucked and speechless. Haih. Gavin was like "Wah.. you really quite shy in real life har!"


Especially when I'm around someone I have a little crush on. Ahem.

*blush blush*

Bugger came damn late and then left the earliest some more, Barely enough time for me to stare stalkingly at him also. Haih. Damn tak puas.

The bloggers.

Pinkpau is really young and damn cute. She makes me want to EAT babies.

MidniteLily was present too.. but she cabut-ted too early and we didn't get a chance to camwhore together. :(

Of course THE TV Smith was around as he is always present at the most happening places! Bwahaha!

Personal Notes

As prettily decorated as it is, Bulldog's service was shit. Order a drink and it takes about 5 billion years to come. To be fair, we were upstairs and were basically the only group there, the servers must've been damn busy downstairs or something. If that's the case then, HIRE MORE PEOPLE LAH. Tius.

Don't drink the Long Island Ice Tea. It tastes like dishwashing soap. What the fuck is wrong with bloody Malaysian bars? Every single bar I've ever ordered LIT from fucks it up utterly, save for one. TGI Friday's. Best. Forever. Amen. Do you know other places with L33T LIT? Tell me, PLEASE.

And don't ask for an Orgasm. It comes in one miserable shotglass. I prefer my Orgasms to come in multiples at once, thanks.

Don't order food here on an hungry, angry stomach, unless you like the feeling of acid corroding your stomch lining till it BLEEDS.

Don't watch too much MTV on the telly, even WHEN the Korean cutey, Rain, is dancing his heart out LIFE IN NY, while you're meeting new people, because you're there to meet the people, not watch Rain on telly. Bad bad girl. But OMG Rain is so hot. Look at that turn oooohhhh.... slurp. OI! Concentrate! Bad girl!

Don't spend the whole night till the early hours of the morning losing drinking games and drinking like a fish because you LOST at drinking games on the VERY same day you'll be meeting your idols because it leaves not a good impression.... :roll:

/End Notes

So when's the next drinking session, people? I think I need it already..... :(

Paul Tan dot org

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

FA & The Fairy.

Happy Belated Birthday KinkyBlueFairy!

I was there at her party to wish her in person last Friday!

to drink with her!

to touch her!

to camwhore with her!

*nyeh nyeh*

I can ALMOSt die happy. Almost.

The Fairy & The FA.

Her drinking level is very power. Don't play play.

She looks tiny but can out-drink a lot of those old "drink whiskey with GRO by their side every night chinamen".

Scary a bit.

When she's drunk also so damn prim and proper one. Still smile smile. Still so ladylike. Not like some people. Lying on their BACKS, rolling around outside the PAVEMENT of a local club half passed out, half screaming "MERRY XMAS YOU FUCKING TWATS MOVE ALONG NOTHING TO SEE HERE" to passer-bys while showing dirty signs AND THEN vomitting on one Christmas Eve night....... er...... butitwasn'tme.

Joyce is seriously the nicest person ever. This was the first time I'm meeting her and she is so friendly that it makes it so damn hard to want to hate her. Even if she's got the best job a girl would want. Even if she's got the most flawless skin. The most perfect make up. And the hottest body. And the craziest dress sense. And the.... you bitch.

Can't help but smile at her everytime she comes and talk to me.

I'm sorry I didn't get to spend more than 15 minutes with you, though. You kept having to layan everybloodybody, some more it's your birthday okay. Where the hell are your konchos to help you out man. :P Next time, you and me, we do coffee okay? Can? Can lah....

I had a lot of the Blue Lagoon stuff to drink. And I was quite happy.

Camwhoring Collage.

It was also my first time meeting Lainie! *blush blush*

And KinkyPugKevin!

Even managed to camwhore with some of the cast straight out of KinkyBlueFairy's blog!

So shy lah. Meeting all this big big names. I damn kecik mayong only. *gushes*

There were TONNES of people there man. They were mostly into the arsty-fartsy people handling industries like the media and advertising.

Everytime they asked me what I did I'd be like "[Bean-counting android] (name of profession altered to protect the innocent)"

And they'd be like ".....".

and I'd be like "Yeah I know. Sorry I'm not more interesting"

I felt like a damn mongrel in a pound full of purebreds. -_-"

One girl was like..., "You gotta be kidding me, right? I mean you definitely don't LOOK like one"

And I'm like "......"

What are [bean-counting androids] supposed to look like ANYWAY?

If I ever quit, would somebody PLEASE offer me a job in media/advertising? I mean, I think I can DO this, this people handling job, at least definitely more than I can do computers & beans anyway. Feed me with some booze and I have the personality. I can talk AND smile. (Most) People don't exactly feel like pushing my face into shit when they meet me the first time. I learn quick. I don't mind the late hours. I can handle hard work. I can drink and party and dance.. and then come back to work again the next morning at 8.30am ON THE DOT when I have to (optimum productivity not guaranteed). I can also look quite nice if I try really hard enough.

Am shamelessly advertising myself here for a job okay, so that should also count for something - like the existance of some really huge metaphorical balls.

So? Got offer or not?


Monday, April 17, 2006

Rojak - Watched, Not Eaten.

So what did you do last weekend?

A bunch of old friends and I went ALL the way to some godforsaken place that even father time himself forgot JUST to catch a stage project of a personal friend. A play called Rojak.

The Personal Friend looking as naked as a newborn baby with his freshly shaved face.

See this face? This guy is like MY age okay. Bugger has not been hanging out with US because he's spending the rest of his spare time with kids half his age on his PROJECT. Yeah right, as if we don't see right through you, you fucking paedophile.

Bugger has always taken a huge interest in the artsy fartsy industry.

How I envy him.



Rojak booklets. 2 bucks only.

Because I'm a horrible lazy fuck, I didn't do my research and watched Rojak without a flying rat's clue on what it was really about. But that's fair because I did the same for every other plays before anyways, and seriously do YOU google up for the synopsis of a movie you're about to catch? Don't think so.

So they have a blog and everything. Minus a million points for being so young and energetic like those Energizer bunnies on SPEED.

Bio of crew and casts just right outside the theatre. Nice touch!

This is definitely NOT PGL the musical, M the opera or The Homecoming, which were produced and peformed by PROFESSIONALS who do this kinda shit as a DAY job. Move out of your parent's house and get a REAL job already, bitches.

Nevertheless, the level of enthusiasm and the effort that went into this production was not any lesser than that of a pro's.

The director was a 20 year old boy, OKAY.

20 years old! I mean, what the fuck were YOU doing when you were 20?

Rushing your opponents with your zerglings in Starcraft while drowning yourself in alcohol? Hahahahah.

Me too.

Switch off your phones bitches, otherwise it might end UP in a dark place.

Rojak, aptly titled as it's basically a compilation of ten 15 minute unrelated skits, is fantastic for people with Attention Deficit Disorder, ie, me. The great thing is that if you hated a particular skit, it's only 15 minutes worth of finger-eating torture. Bad thing is that if you are the seriously slow thinker/problem solver type, this is too fast and short for you.


Before I start tearing this play up to pieces (I kid), I'm keeping in mind that this is strictly a play done by amateurs for amateurs, ie, people who are not into the whole hardcore WE TAKE THIS WHOLE PLAY SHIT SERIOUSLY performing arts enthusiasts. Probably the best target audience for this play would be students with their short attention spans who STILL have the ability to NOT take everything too personally and seriously AND looking for a fun day out at KLPAC.

I'm sure the cast and crew KNEW that they're not going for any awards or anything. It's a bunch of youths having fun experimenting on stage for fuck sakes, they KNOW that. Young cikus doing what they love doing most, just starting out on making their acting dreams come true. How can you not applaud their passion?

*applause applause*

Because they were all young and inexperienced, there are bound to be misses. As there are with hits.

Out of the 10, I'm singling out two of my favourite, more memorable skits.

The Hits.

Emily's RSVP

Emily's really kicking some ass with her monologue sketch about her own private party which totally "tak jadi" because people couldn't be arsed to RSVP, and those who DID RSVP, didn't show up.

Her facial expressions and her acting skillZ were really quite excellent for an amateur. I kept an eye on her through the entire play. Maybe we'll see more of this young lady in the future.

Sanjiv's Malaysian Citizenship 101

Sanjiv was wickedly hilarious, the script itself, which pokes fun of us, Malaysians, being typically Malaysians, was spot on and very in-your-face. I LOVE in-your-face skits.

Now, I'm not saying this JUST because he is my personal friend. Or that he held a knife at my throat and threatened to eat my first newborn. Seriously, it was nothing like that at ALL.

And it's always nice to see that we still have enough humor left in our cynical bones to laugh at ourselves without constantly being BLEEPED.

The "Tak Nak" skit with its rapping-meets-dikir barat beat was memorable and really clever! Am a sucker for synchronised choreography and choruses. But it did felt like it went on a TAD bit too long.

Most of the cast had stage presence and you could see that they WERE ALL VERY talented kids. A shout out the skinny Indian boy. And that boy from the "perfect screwed up Stepford family" had the most wittiest perfectly exceuted lines EVER. AND that reaaaaaally sweet looking thing (girl, I mean) in the "female oppression" skit was good too! I couldn't stop looking at her! So damn SWEET looking!

(I'm making up the names of the plays as I go along because I didn't buy the booklet.)

The Misses.

Sometimes it gets a little too abstract. The director had the idea, but that idea was sometimes was NOT executed properly, not polished enough. WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO HERE? WHAT IS THE STORY ABOUT? There were times when it got too messy and confusing and the play was drowned in its own drama - like the "damned" skit. I personally disliked that Ringo re-enactment horror screaming thing the most. Didn't get that at all. Shocking, scary - for sure. There were some girls in the audience who were SCREAMING with the cast. But what the fuck was that about? All it did was to gave me the goose bumps, a splitting headache and a WTF looked constantly etched on my face.

Sometimes the idea itself was too vague it makes you go WHAT IS GOING ON DUDES WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME? Like the "sinking boat" (huh?) & the "oppressed woman" (damn disturbing, to say the least) one. Did we really had to sit through that? Why? I hate feeling disturbed. Brrr.

I felt that whenever a skit or a monologue start to take itself too seriously, it gets lost and confusing in it's own little web of over-the-topness. But whenever it wasn't trying too hard to send out a message and pushing the audiences like an annoying lunch-time table-to-table salesperson to figure out the "makna tersirat", it was perfectly fun and that was good. Shallow is good. Sweet, simple and in your face is best methinks. I'm not much of a thinker, see? Being a mindless android and all that.

Group photo with cast.

But I must say, for a bunch of young farts (young farts because, let's face it, you'd called me an old spinster), this was some top-notch effort! Don't ever slack off on the enthusiasm and passion because that's what performing arts is about isnt it? Passion and love, baby! Get us all free tickets next time Sanjiv you bitch.

Now, if only the other kids find a better hobby and get themselves involved in productive projects like this to channel all their angst and anger, instead of listening to emo "rock groups", angry rap songs, smoking, drinking and getting abortions - maybe the world could be a better place to live in or something.

Camwhoring time!

What are you looking at, Lainie?

I met Lainie there! Apperently her friends had FFK-ed her poor ass. This would be my second meeting with her in 2 days. Of course must touch her. Of course must be touched BY her. Of course must camwhore WITH her.

Old friends. I missed you bitches. (Group photo must be bigger abit mah)

See how much we support you kau kau Sanjiv. If coming all the way to Sentul West to see you isn't support I don't know WHAT is. I haven't seen most of you since Chinese New Year. Thank you for NOT disowning my sorry ass.


....and of course, there's me.

@ Ky's
@ BoredWorkers'
@ Hyperhex's

Phew. Am spent. Too old for this shit man. Am keeping my day job. Argh. Have so much to do. And I still have about 2 other posts just SCREAMING to be updated. Need a drink. Or five.


Friday, April 14, 2006

Mini Meet. Mini Update.

So. I got my hair brutally mutilated.

It's too long too look like a hot Japanese anime boy.

Too short to look like a girl.

So confused. :(

I can't even look at the mirror without wanting to beat up the mirror image and then forcefeed it with weedkiller for being so fugly.

Note to self - Never EVER get a hair cut at dodgy name-less auntie shops. Serves you right for being a lazy fuck. Make appointment and arrange transport also lazy? You deserve to be BALD, bitch. Sniff.

At least I there are still people who are not ashamed to be seen with me in public. Still. At least.

On the downside, they were ALL serious hardcore camwhores.


Me feeling so ugly.
Me wanna lock myself in room 3 months.
Me wanna finish 10 bottles of vodka.
But no, they wanna take lotsa peekchas they say.
Take food.
Take people.
Pose pose pose.
Look here. Look there.
They say.

Bloody fucking bloggers.

Some more that stupid place no alcoholic beverages.

HOW CAN!??!?!?!?!


Here. Pictures. Take it. TAKE IT.

Guess who?

Peekaboo! I see you!

Nice or not? Lie to me a bit lah, give face can or not? Cheebais.

Eh don't look at me liddat lah.. I shy wan... *blush blush*


Want to sponsor me to rectify my hair or not? If you damn rich, give me money to rectify my face also lah bitches. Might as well lah, kan?

Now go away and let me peacefully drown myself in a bathtubful of hard liquour mixtures. Bye.

Monday, April 10, 2006

Ineligible Fags.

Cleo's 50 Most Eligible Bachelors is a scam.

Of all the guys who are featured in the list; half of them are NOT eligible, a quarter of them are NOT straight. And the rest are barely legal.

I mean seriously dudes, Malaysia running out of straight single men in their 20s-30s isit? Turned cannibal and feasted on each other's BRAINS? Left the country when the price of petrol went up?

Or are you fuckers just being typical lazy fucks and not doing your job properly?

Fine. Ineligible fairies I can take. As long as they're hot, you know? At least give us SOMETHING to drool over and... stuff. That's the whole point of the list anyway, right?

It's a girl's magazine for fuck sakes of COURSE it's going be shallow of COURSE it's going to be full of shit of COURSE it's meant for entertaining of COURSE we're going to expect SOME form of sex...... I mean eye candy. Eye candy. Freudian slip. Really.

I can count the number of eye candies in that list with ONE hand.

I absolutely can NOT accept that some of the guys on the list are prettier looking than I am. Shit.

This is quite seriously and quite frankly, wtfing, mates.

I want my RM5.60 back you cheating lying scoundrels.

*casts Level 15 sorceress fireball on Cleo*

Screw you, Cleo.

Bash The Bachelors.
Short One - Bachelor Bash Update.
The Cleo Bachelor Bash (Picture Heavy Post)

Friday, April 7, 2006


So I was at Carnegie's last weekend.

What? You don't believe me?


As proof, here's the receipt.


Want a close up?


Come again?


Hell yeah. You won't believe the shit they can serve in a glass these days.

And for what an amazing price too.


Hahahahaha. You wish lah.

(Me too.)


Tuesday, April 4, 2006

The Homecoming - A Personal Letter To The Director.


Dear Mr Gavin Yap,

Fuck you very much for shoving this piece of very disturbing play onto our faces. Seriously how the fuck did you get pass the censors? Vagina Monologues wasn't even allowed before. MJ wasn't even allowed to grab his crotch on stage. MJ okay. INTERNTIONAL SUPER STAR. AND YOU. you. YOU. YOU WERE ALLOWED TO PUT UP A PLAY. FOR ABOUT A WEEK OR SO. ABOUT A FOUL-MOUTHED, INCESTUOUS FAMILY. WITH A CHICK FACE SUCKING with not just ONe, but TWO men, ON STAGE and got her to emulate a SEX scene with some hunky boy. WTF?!?!?! How much did you pay them? Did it hurt when you try sitting down after they were done with you, you whore.

The director.

Did you know that right after I got home, I sat down and read through most of the production diary, to understand the whole production process, to understand just what the FUCK was in that twisted mind of yours when you wanted to put this up, and to understand what the rest of the cast felt. I did enjoyed the blog very much, by the way. Your personal thoughts in it as a director and how the rest of your insane crew were "in-character" when THEY blogged were very enjoyable and gave simple-minded folk like me a small peek into your little demented worlds.

The guilt-stricken driver/voyeur/uncle

But I digress.

Do you know that you're one sick twisted bugger? You most absolutely are.

Actually, not you, Pinter is. Pinter is a sick motherfucker. Freud would have a LOT to say about him. TO him.

During the Q&A session, you said you didn't want to send out a message, didn't want to make a statement. Unlike 99.9% of local productions which did. You said you wanted to do this for the fuck of it. You said you didn't really care what the audience felt, as long as they felt something, as long as they weren't indifferent about it.

I have bigger balls than you, Teddy.

What to know how I felt? I don't care. You HAVE to.

First, let me tell you that I was sitting there, RIGHT THERE, right in the FRONT ROW, which was on the SAME level as the set, as if I was IN the set like part of the furniture, which made me felt like I was standing precariously at the edge of a 100 floor building's roof, on tiptoe. Anytime now that Lenny would let the hammer go and break my knee. Anytime now Max's tongkat would hit my arm. Anytime now somebody would fling that white mug from being TOO in-character and it would land on my face in pieces.

Ruth is as scary as Chucky of child's play.

The whole thing was so believable that all I could do was just sit there, cringing at the edge of the seat for 2 whole fucking hours.

And after the goddamn play I felt drained.

Emotionally and mentally completely drained.

And dirty.

I wanted to watch 3 Walt Disney cartoons in a row.

Disney, please save me.

I wanted to lock myself in my room, blast my Limp Bizkit on maximum volume and ball up in a fetal position, crying while I'm rocking myself to sleep. And then bathe in a bathtub full of vodka to wash off the filth.

Eh, which gym you go to ah?

I didn't want to touch nobody talk to nobody. I didn't even fucking CAMWHORE, which by the way is just SOMETHING I DO. IT WAS MY THING. I ALWAYS CAMWHORE. ALWAYS. MY MIND WAS SO GONE I HAD COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN ABOUT CAMWHORING.

The outrage!

After this, I will never see families the same way again.

The word "tuck" is now a filthy, filthy word to me. As is "sip".

You have tainted me forEVER.

I hope you're happy now, you mindfucking bastard.

Ahem. What I was REALLY trying to say is that you were all fanfuckingtastic. The only reason I'm all fucked like this was because the direction and cast was brilliant enough to make the characters come alive, to make the play feel so damn REAL for me, as an audience.

But it still doesn't change the fact that the play totally raped my mind. Bitches.

Just me,

P/s 1: I think you're quite hot. In a grunge/skater-boy/druggy/homeless person sort of way. Are you really going to be half naked in the next skit? Which half?

Quite hot.

P/s 2: I saw you downing that bottle of Carlsberg just before the play started. You alcoholic.

P/s 3: While the ENTIRE cast was ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT, Lenny was my favourite character of all, even if he WAS the scariest one. If Hannibal Lector had a childhood he would've been a Lenny. Though sometimes.. the "accents" do get a little bit distracting.

Lenny scares me.

P/s 4: The lightning was superb. Mr Lim did a faNTASTIC job. I loved how the different lights were used to set different moods and to differentiate one room from another. Best light work I have EVER seen.

*I* had the scissors you flaming paedophilic homosexual bastard.

P/s: 5. Thanks for the invite, Patrick. Even if I did have to pay for my OWN ticket. Even if we had to go ALL THE FUCKING WAY to some godknowswhere secluded jungle of SENTUL, it was worth it.

The set.


The Homecoming Blog

Now if you'll all excuse me, I need to go fix myself a strong drink. To forget. Everything.