Friday, February 19, 2010

Internal Thoughts.

Oh my god.

I am so totally aware that I should be sleeping right now because I actually do care about being able to function at work tomorrow. But the urge to blog is just too much to ignore. So here I am blogging at 2.15am on a Thursday night. shhhh. don't tell my boss okay. :PPPPPPP

why am i fucking blogging whenever i'm feeling extremely high ar. this is fast becoming a habit. am i turning alcoholic? do i actually creatively function better when I'm high? Wait. Don't tell me. I don't think I want to know. Let me enjoy this a bit longer.

I have to reiterate that the urge to blog in me is very high. Is just that I don't have my own pc, so.... it's inconvenient lah, which is why i dont bother.

Anyway. first thing first. clubbing in bamboo is fucking fun because the DJ plays MOSTLY danceable music. i say mostly because the fella likes to do the following which annoys the hell out of me:
1) plays a couple of songs more than once... not really complaining when he plays my favourite songs, but i don't feel the same about other songs which I don't quite enjoy.
2) plays karaoke-ish songs in the middle of the night. Karaoke-ish songs are only meant to be played at the END of the night lah idiot.
... other than night, fucker plays very very danceable music ...... thus far.

....and a 700ml black label for 300 bucks is still fucking overpriced for something i can get for 100++ bucks got 1 litre duty free at airport but what can i do about it, eh?

anyway, random shit time, because i'm high and can say almost whatever i feel like saying:

i'm 30. time is running out, but i'm still kinda young.

i wish i picked things up faster, but i know everything takes time.

i wish i had the natural talent to speak/sell/convince because it's so fucking relevant in life, but perhaps i will learn those eventually.... but why not NOW.

it's true what they say about "it's not what u know, it's who u know". unfortunately, my no bullshit assessment of myself is that i have neither, which means i have to work from ground zero, which sucks for me.

i know hard work counts for something but i wished i didnt have to work so hard.

i would probably go somewhere later in life, but i'm a impatient motherfucker who thinks too much so why not the hell now.

i know the fact that the only thing that is really stopping me from being truly great is myself - this might take forever to fix.

i really love to have a somebody, but right now when I'm high, i must say that it's better being alone than settling. in general lah.

i probably want too much too soon and have too high expectations which might mean that i'll never be happy - it's a good and bad thing ... right?

i don't care what u think, but i do truly love to dance, but the lack of basics, and with my fucked up knees means that there's a high possibility that i can never do it for a living. :)

my nieces are so cute. until they are naughty, which is when they are not cute and i'd feel like throwing them away, but the moment they are NOT naught i truly love them to bits.... until i remember what my brother told me " they are mine yeah, not yours. get your own ". sad. u think so easy ar? tiu.

lady gaga still rocks my socks.

i can't think of anymore.

till the next drunken post, goodnight.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Of Clubbing and Dancing.

Fuck I really want to blog more but I'm spending too much time at work and with life. Sorry. I feel really bad because I have so much to type about, but just can't be arsed to. Anyway......

Am a little high now so may be incoherent. you've been warned.

I'm sure i've mentioned this before, but I really do enjoy clubbing.

the music. the atmosphere. the drinks. the company.

Ppl say I think too much. that I'm too uptight. that I'm emo. I care too much.

Perhaps they are right. BUT.

When the music is good, the company is right, the drinks are plenty - I am none of that.

I prance around with my hands flaying about like a monkey on heat. I say whatever without giving a shit. I wear whatever I want - cargo pants, sneakers, tshirt - as long as I'm comfortable.

So if you're judging me on that night by how I act, look or dance - why should I care? I don't know you. You don't even KNOW me.

Someone once shared with me that his "me" time was when he was making his own coffee from scratch. The moment people see him making coffee, they know to leave him alone. It made me wondered what MY alone time was.

I finally figured out tonight that my "me" time was with some booze, some decent music and a dance space.

That's when I don't really give a shit about anything else but my own enjoyment. That's when I can lose myself. That's when I don't give a flying fuck what you think. That's when I forget about everything. That's when I feel fucking great.

Which is why I don't quite enjoy lengthy, philosophical conversations at clubs. Or any conversation for that matter. Don't enjoy random guys trying to chat me up. Hate the lack of a dance floor or shitty music.

Which is also why I prefer dancing with women because THEY DON'T EXPECT TO GO HOME WITH ME.

Not saying I'm hot. Or a great dancer. But you know how it is at clubs, right?

I would dance with a guy, if he knew that he's not getting anything from me. I would dance with a guy if he can kind of dance. Of course, bonus points if he is semi-cute when in the dark and when I'm high. But it's all very subjective because I don't really care about anyone else but ME during my "me" time. I'll just do whaever makes me happy.

I sure the rest of the world thinks different but I want to go to a club because I just want to enjoy myself. I want to get lost in the moment. I don't want to give you my number. I don't want your name. I don't want no goddamn conversation. I don't want to go home with you. I just want to dance. Unless you feel the same way, just leave me the fuck alone please. Please. please. Stop wasting my time and yours.

Hello, nobody decent really wants to get laid at a Club by a random stranger okay.

At leasts not me anyway. So just leave me alone, and just dance! Gonna be okay! just dance! spin that record babe! just dance! dance! dance! dance! dance!