Wednesday, October 31, 2012


Well I had the pleasure of viewing it on seats that felt like first class plane seats - so I might be biased.... or asleep.

Not a huge Bond-head, me. But if I had to choose, my personal favourite was Pierce Brosnan - suave, clean cut, classy & lethal. Daniel Craig lacked that Bond classiness for me. But he totally  makes it up with lots of brawn & brute - which are not exactly what Bond is about innit? To me, at least. Then again, it doesn't matter as long as it's entertaining as hell. :)

I quite enjoyed Quantum of Solace and Casino Royale though - lots of hard, gritty, raw, edgy action than the usual Brosnan's versions. Craig's version actually gets his suit all torn up, he actually bleeds and literally gets his hands dirty. 

I've been reading some rave reviews about Skyfall - which is probably why I had high expectations for it. Bad move.

Apparently if you're a huge Bond-head you'll really appreciate this one. Lots of nods to other older films. Lots of easter eggs to tickle yourself silly with. I didn't pick up on anything. So it was wasted on me.

Storyline's predictable. There wasn't enough airtime for sexy cleavage-laden vixens. Of course all the sex scenes were chopped off  (Malaysia mah!). There was no mind-blowing state of the art gadgets. It was all very... muted.

I really like the opening song by Adele, though. The opening scene is trippy. Judi Dench was being a tough, hard, bitch (which I love) and kicks a lot of verbal ass. The cinematography & landscape were pretty to look at.

All in all, SkyFall was so-so for me. It lacked the usual major asskickery, mind numbing, overdramatised violence I'm so used to watching.

I'm tempted to say more but I'm afraid of giving away the plot.

So why don't you go watch it when it opens on 1 November and tell me what you think about it. :)

Oh yes, happy 50th birthday Bond. May you always have awesome actors immortalising you.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012


Sometimes, caring is not just offering help to someone you care and love when you think they need it.

Sometimes, caring is also being able to trust someone enough to be able to handle their own problems, after they have rejected your help. So you don't have to obsess, or worry over it.


Thursday, October 25, 2012

Career Crossroads

Ya.. so recently, I fired my company. Well, not really. I tendered my 3 months notice. So that's like, telling my company in advance that I plan to fire them on a certain date, haha.

And I tendered... wait for it.... without already having another job in hand.

Most people would say that's crazy! Irresponsible! Not thought through! No regards to your future! No planning!

In fact, a lot of people have said so.

I myself was very apprehensive about it.

But fact of the matter is - this arrangement wasn't working out for me. If something ain't working out, and you KNOW it in your gut that it's not working out, why prolong the pain? Doesn't make sense right?


I've always been so scared of the unknown. Of the what ifs and what would happen if I did this and that. But we'll never truly know what will happen in the future would we? Life is never certain.  We can guess. We can carefully, meticulously plan every second of it - but Murphy's Law ALWAYS apply.

I'm bright, I'm capable, I'm dedicated, I'm intelligent, I take pride in my work, I'm hardworking, I'm able to conduct myself appropriately in social settings, and I'm reliable.

There's absolutely no reason why I won't be able to get a job in the next few months.

And if I don't, perhaps than I'm meant to study some more. Or travel. Something I've been thinking about but never done.

There will be something out there for me, whatever it is.


Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Let It Be

Had the wonderful opportunity to witness a choir from the Philippines perform The Beatle's very famous song ever so nicely.
And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree
There will be an answer, let it be
For though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be
And when the night is cloudy there is still a light that shines on me
Shine until tomorrow, let it be
It used to be just another song with a bunch of words to me.
And then suddenly it occurred to me that the lyrics are actually meaningful.

Let it go.
Life goes on.
The good, the bad. All the feelings - the happiness, the sadness.
It'll all come to pass.
Hanging on to the past won't make things last.
Won't change anything.

Won't change the memories.
Won't change the consequences.
Won't change the events that took place.

The only thing one CAN do is to learn from it.
Be grateful for the experience.
And then move on.

Let it be. Let it be. Let it be. Let it be!
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be!

Tuesday, October 23, 2012


I'm actually a lazy person by nature. This is applicable to things which I do not particularly enjoy doing. When it comes to things I do not enjoy doing, if I can get away with doing it..... or putting the least effort in doing it (eg: chores) I would. Actually sometimes, they are also days when I'm just not motivated to do anything at all, even though I know I should be doing stuff I ought to be doing, or even want/rather be doing. How in the world did I keep convincing myself to not do them? Aiyoh.

(Contrary to what I've said above, I actually spend too much crazy hours at work, hehehe. That's a different subject altogether and we'll get to that one day.)

I feel recently, that this is a direct conflict with this other nagging feeling I have - not living enough.

If I'm lazy, how am I to live my life?

If I want to live my life, how can I effort to be lazy?

There is no time to be lazy!

Something's gotta to give. I don't want to wake up in the middle of the night covered in cold sweat and suddenly realising that if I died tomorrow - I just haven't lived enough. That I've not milked the day to day for all the experience and learning I can get my grubby little hands and mind on.

I could keep wishing that someone would push me to be un-lazy, to do things. I could keep hoping that someone could do all my stuff for me. But if I was going to keep depending on silly wishes and a "someone else" - am I not then, just not in control of my own life? Uh huh.

So, it's time to stop being lazy Ah Fa.
Get out of your ass and just do stuff.

Live each day like you're going to die tomorrow.
There's just no time for regrets.

Monday, October 22, 2012

The end and a beginning.

I've never liked endings. As a child I used to be freaked out about the thought of shopping malls closing. I always have a sense of "emptiness" when my favourite serial done. Or even after a good movie's ended. Or feel really horrible when friendships turn sour. Or even worse after break ups. Or when the night comes (because its the end of a day). That empty, hollow feeling... that horrible discomfort deep in my gut. I hate it.

I'm sure psychology students may have something to say about that. Or Freud.

But whatever that has a beginning, will come to an end. It is a true and undeniable fact. And if I were just to accept it as it is and not fight this fact so much I'd probably be... more at peace.

And only yesterday I find myself being at an end of something significant in my life. And I'm telling myself over and over again that it's for the best. Not to dwell on it, not to over-analyse or beat myself over it. That it was meant to be. That I should be grateful for the lessons learnt and that it came to my life. And that I need to let it go gracefully because a beginning awaits. It's always waiting at a corner somewhere.

So really, there's actually nothing to fear... because...

The sun'll come out tomorrow!
bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there'll be sun!
So ya gotta hang on till tomorrow!
Come what may
tomorrow tomorrow!
I love ya, tomorrow!
you're always a day away!

Hehehe, Couldn't help myself.

But yeah. The problem with that song is that, apart from the sun coming up, we won't know what will tomorrow bring.

So I will continue to learn how to live for today and for the now.

And to be grateful for all the experiences that I'm going through, and all the learnings I'll get from it.


Friday, October 19, 2012

Beating Myself Up

Someone told me I'm too harsh on myself.

I just realised that this person is right.

When I mistakes I beat myself up to a pulp. In my mind.

I would replay this mistake over and over and over again and go through the different scenarios as figure out what went wrong, and how to fix it.. and then branch it out to the different scenarios after if I did it a different way.

Even when things are not my fault, for some reason I just shoulder it on.

I never was aware that I do this to myself until recently.

No point badgering myself over the past. A mistake is a mistake. I'm human. It's time I allow myself to make mistakes. Acknowledge it. learn from it. Move the fuck on, sister. No point brooding and beating myself over something that has happened and which I have no control over right?

Gotta live for the now. Not the past. not the future. Live for the now. Which is a gift that's why it's called the present.

Man i love kungfu panda.
I swear as soon as I get home, I'm going to watch it for the 205th time tonight.

Family & Friends Matter

I went through my older posts recently and I realised year in year out, I've been lamenting about how I haven't been spending enough time with my family and friends.

I definitely do not want to be that joker lying on my deathbed regretting that I didn't spend more time with them.

Being lazy is no excuse. Nor is working 12 hours a day and constantly being on standby on weekends (because that's for insane people :P).

I will be able to find that job that allows me to get the money I need to indulge the people I love and care about, and at the same time, gives me the balance of being able to BE with them.

It will happen. I have faith in the universe.


I will continue to learn to love myself and find out really, what I really like doing. :)

Wednesday, October 17, 2012


I'm making a conscious effort to be cheerful, positive and smiley.

I only have 1 life to live. Why should I spend it being miserable and angry all the time? Doesn't sound like a good way to live at all does it?

Probably going to be a little fake or trying too hard for now. And it really takes a lot of conscious effort to catch myself whenever I'm wearing a frown or scowl, or when I'm automatically thinking about something bad. But reckon if I keep at it like practice it'll come naturally later - like all sports. :)

The only thing I can control is my thoughts, my emotions, my SELF. If I have no expectations from the universe, I can never be disappointed. If I have I lower my expectations of MYSELF I'll likely be less stress and a lot more happier.

I can't control the past. Can't control the future. The only thing I can do is control what I do or decide for NOW.

So why worry. :)

Monday, October 15, 2012


I've realised what a pushover I am.

There's a big difference between being a pushover and being generous/accommodating. The lines seem to have blurred for me over the decades. Finding myself bending backwards to EVERYONE to please them - even people that don't matter.

Why do I do that? Acceptance? Approval? Probably. 

Then the next question would be, but why?

Probably because I never knew better.

But I do now.

I am what I am - I ain't going to bend over backwards just to make others accept me/love me/approve of me anymore. Cliche but it's my life, and I just want to live while I'm alive. :)

The only love I really need is from myself - something I have to learn to do. 

Friday, October 12, 2012

Routine Maketh A Habit

Getting a cold engine started (ie my writing) ain't easy. Reckon I will MAKE myself write on a daily basis with hopes that the juices and words will start flowing more smoothly and naturally in time to come.

So I'm learning a lot about myself these past few months. Spending time talking to people who spare me the time to really listen to me, and not afraid to tell me to my face what is wrong and figuring out how I can improve... it's really starting to wake me up. I can't believe I've been sleep walking for the past god knows how long of my life. It's as if, I've never lived. It's as if, I was just a robot - just doing things. Getting by the day. Never knowing why I'm doing it - but just going through the motions for the sake of going through it. What an empty, meaningless life.

The other catalyst I believe, was having the honour of knowing what I'm like from a 3rd person's perspective. This sounds very cryptic, but we'll keep it that way. The point is, through this... "lesson", I realise how much that what I am now, is not the person I want to be. It really did give me a huge wake up call. I'm thankful for this, and I'm inspired to be a better me.

I've been angsty, bitchy, anxious for so long - for reasons that have mostly been beyond my control. Probably because of all the unjust (in my eyes) that's going on in the world. For all the things I can't control to my favour. For the universe. What a waste of time that was. I've realised now that the only thing you can really control, is your SELF and nothing else. How I see the world, how I view people, how I choose to deal with challenges, that's all within my control. But whatever curve ball life throws at me, I'll never be able to predict - the moment I realised this fact, I'm suddenly less anxious.

Living for the now is what counts. Living in my head - that's pretty much like sleeping. Or like in Adam Sandler's Click - running on autopilot while your life is fastforwarding in front of your face while you're being completely unaware of it. That's how I've been living. My life has been on autopilot. No wonder I've always felt that I've never lived my life - it's truly because I've NEVER lived my life!

Well my dear universe, my living, starts now.

The beginning.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

To come back or not to come back.

That's the question. There's nothing stopping me from reviving this blog.

Except perhaps the body. And the mind.

But the spirit is ever-willing.


Wow. Just realised that it has been more than a year since I've blogged. Truth to be told, I miss it. Thinking about it off an on ain't going to help me update the blog but there never seems to be the time, the energy or the inspiration. I enjoy writing, I really do. In spite of the poor command of the language I still enjoy it. I still remembered why I first embarked on it - I wanted an online journal to document my thoughts.

I've always been a diary writer. My mum gave me my first journal when I was in primary school - she told me it was a book for me to jot down my thoughts, my experience, anything I felt, saw, touch or taste - anything at all, which I felt I wanted to remember, reflect upon. At first I wrote not more than a couple of words "fun day" "cold" "bored" "met this guy"... which evolved to a paragraph.... which evolved to my teenage years of pouring pages and pages of emotionally-driven scratches of my thoughts I would never have been comfortable to share with anyone.

The blog thing happened in my early years of my day job. It was meant to be an evolution of a private diary. One thing led to another, and it's no longer a private diary, but a platform for me to rant, share experiences... and as a bonus, make some friends along the way.

I've left my previous job already - the one which I've decided to close the blog for. And in just under a year, I find myself just about to leave my current one. No big secret. Just as soon as I tendered half the building already knew about the news. No big surprises since where I work, information is the key source of income. In fact, anywhere you work, information IS key source of income. :)

The previous job I left - because I was done with it. Same with this. All I can say is that - it wasn't for me.  and I have no regrets whatsoever. I've always been so scared of making  choices, of taking the leap of the unknown. Am starting to realise that EVERYTHING is life is an unknown, NOTHING is for certain and EVERYTHING comes to an end. I'm not able to control the future or the outcome, but I can control what I decide, how I feel, what I think.

I find myself being very reflective these past few months. The scary part about this is that I've come to realise I have absolutely no awareness of myself. Sounds silly when put in writing - but that explains why I've felt so lost and confused in the past decade. Always searching for something.. always waiting. What am I searching or waiting for.. I have no clue. Just something to answer that nagging question (not sure what it is) in my head, or to complete me. Finally realised that it's not the way. Fulfillment, contentment, happiness should be found internally, not externally.

.... and I'm still trying to come to peace with that. And with myself.

I hope with this post, it really means that I'm back to writing. For good.

Why shouldn't I do what I enjoy doing?