Friday, June 30, 2006

Camwhoring Post #9583

In tune with keeping this blog as shallow and as intelligence-free as humanly possible, here are some camwhoring pictures of MEMEME to satisfy your sick voyeuristic appetites.... or was it morbid curiosity? Whichever lah. As long as you all keep coming back hahahaha. :P

I got my hair "fixed" a few weeks back at some hair salon in Kuchai Lama. (Thanks Suanie!!)

The fella looked at my hair for like one second, and hoo boy, if crestfallen looks could sink a boat, his would've sunk the Titanic.

About 48,760 times over.

"Who cut your hair last time one. Very bad lah. Very bad. I really don't know what to do with it. Look how they chopped it up until no body. No flow. Messy. It's everywhere! Aiyoh. I don't know what to do lah. I'm just going to close my eyes and go with my gut feeling okay?"


I closed my eyes too.

He must've spent like more than an hour plus plus plus plus. Sorry Suan.

It turned out not too bad actually.

I sorta kinda like this cut. Gives me an "anime character" feel.

So without further ado.... some pictures.

Here's my new (2 week old) haircut.


See the tail? I'm loving it. Makes me look a little bit like a rebel. Well, if not look, at least makes me FEEL a little bit like one.

Here's my new (2 week old) haircut in another angle.


Here's my new (2 week old) haircut in an Internet Diseased Angle modified to look like a manga drawing.


I'm really gonna let it grow out this time. I kinda miss my long hair.

And this concludes yet another shallow post brought to you by yours truly.

I aim to please. If you're not pleased, well..... hear the sounds of me NOT caring.


*thinking out loud*
I need a new camera. This barely 2 year old Powershot A85 is slowly dying out on me. Kejap takde flash. Kejap flash blinding. Kejap tak boleh focus far. Kejap tak boleh focus near. And the preview screen is damn wonky too. Sian. The thought of more money out the window very pain loh. Some more so many other THINGS still not bought yet. Yeargh. Must. Pray. For. Money. To. Drop. From. Sky. And. Land. On. Thine. Lap.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Legally Stoned.

So I've been pretty damn ill since last, LAST Monday.

It started with a sorethroat.

Which mutated into a cold/flu.

Which mutated into one day fever.

Which mutated into a cough.

Which hasn't gone away yet.

Have been downing meds like a proper pill-popping pharmaceutical dependant junkie I have every potential to be due to my inability to delay self gratification but that's a story for another day.


This is Cough-En.


Cough-En has been my night time buddy for about ... oh 2 weeks now.

Walked into the pharmacy one day and bought 2 bottles on the spot. Had to jot down my IC and other personal details, because apperently it messes with your CNS. But who cares about that when it gives me the best black sleep I've ever had! Nervous System? Bah! Perfect working brains and spinal chords are for PUSSIES.

Just 10ml of that sucker is enough to knock me out within 15 minutes.

And like all cough mixtures, this one also tastes like shit, with a slight hint of blackcurrant. I can't for the life of me, understand why some people can tell me this tastes SWEET. As sweet as GALL probably, euw. Damn you god why must you curse me with such heightened bitter taste buds.

I can't say if Cough-En has made my cough any better, but it hasn't made it any worse. So until I've stop coughing, I'm downing 10 mls of this fucker every night, because hell, it's perfect for the coughing insomniac.


It's not only FOR COUGH, it's also great for runny noses, sneezing, stuffy nose, and itchy, watery red eyes.

Holy shit! That's me right there! I have the most sensitive nose and my eyes get watery like I'm cutting onions at the slightest contact of dust! This is like a MIRACLE in a BOTTLE! I'm gonna be dependant on this stuff for the rest of my life! Ok. Kidding. Seriously.

I've already finished one bottle though.



Check out the ingredients - see if any of you smart jokers can figure out which is the poison that does all the magic. I don't advice you to take this stuff if you're a kid, pregnant, or handling heavy machinery... like trains, tractors and computers. This is some serious "will mess you up and make you irritable drowsy damn lazy to layan people" stuff.

For example, last night, as I was drifting off into comatose mode, I recieved a couple of phone calls, which realllllllllly irritated the shit out of me. The body refused to react to it, and yet at the same time, it wanted the freaking vibrations to just STOP so I could pass out in PEACE. I picked up one phone call from a girlfriend. Mumbled something about needing to pass out, then proceeded to pass out. This morning when I woke up, I wasn't sure if I dreamt about the call or if it was real. I don't even remember what she said, and what I said to her in reply. THIS is how strong this shit is. It's almost like being drunk and light headed from too much liquour without the hangover the next day.

I'm pretty sure prolong intake of this juice is bad for you. It works overtime and I'm still feeling zombie-fied the next day. Mind you, I only take this stuff ONCE a day, and only AT NIGHT. I know some people who take this stuff 3 times a day - and nothing ever happens to them. But I suppose if you're already a hardcore alcoholic or a junkie with a fucked up liver and CNS, this stuff ain't gonna be working for you anyway. So no refunds from me.

But for chrissakes you freaks DON'T GO ABUSING THIS SHIT WEI. Abusing is bad. Bad. BAD. Don't lah try to be some superterror champion and down the whole bottle just because you think you can and then cry your lungs out when you end up in the hospital with half of your brains leaking out from your ears because no one else is going to be responsible for your own stupidity except yourself. And perhaps your parents. Who should be neutered. For the good of mankind.

And this concludes my community service for the week! So, bye!

Tuesday, June 27, 2006


Ayam bag.

(I am back)

And hurting in places I never knew could even hurt.

Nobody missed me also. Cheh.

Show me some love, bitches.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

A Dick Is Useless When Everybody Else Is Dead.

I just read Suanie's pwning piece on Bush and his fucken WMDs.

Seriously dude, what the fuck is your problem wei. Stop trying to make up for the lack of your manhood lar. I have news for you, threatening other nations with your big bad nukes will NOT make your dick any bigger or better OKAY. Neither will "accidentally" shooting someone who bears the same name as something you lack. What you REALLY need, Mr DickFag a big kick up your ass with a spiked shoe and a jagged sledgehammer for your head.

I totally LOST it at the part where Suan mentioned that, and I quote,

"..... You see, the nuclear bombs that they are planning to wipe out Iran with — they are REALLY huge; heavier and more massive than the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombs. Something about depleted uranium, the flow of the wind, hazardous effects… Translated, Malaysia is downwind from Iran and we WILL receive the hazardous air that contains all the bad bad particles that WILL contaminate OUR air, water and food. Kids developing cancer at 3, ALL your babies born without skulls and other important limbs and organs… Getting fucked for no reason does not even begin to describe it."

Argh this makes me SO MAD.





Immediately after reading Suanie's post I shot a random email to an American friend.

"shit I hope Bush doesn't go ape-crazy and push on that detonation button to nuke Iran out of the world map. That'll be insane. We'll ALL be in trouble over here and all the way down to Australia thanks to the wind conditions.

I mean seriously. This "I HAVE A BIGGER DICK THAN YOU" charade HAS GOT TO STOP.

WTF is happening?!?!?1 I DEMAND FOR AN EXPLANATION!"

I await his reply.

Now, if the rest of the world could unite and pee at the general direction of where the White House is, it should sink.

Fuck you, asshole.

I Heart Anime Boys.

Hi I am FA. I have a confession.

I find anime boy characters hot.

And not just ANY anime boy character. It has to be the sort that looks androgynus. There's something about not being quite able to figure out what gender they REALLY are which makes them so hot. So mysterious. You KNOW they are men. But yet they are so feminine. So gentle. And yet so manly & strong at the same time. Their long limbs that seem to go on forever. Their lithe slim defined bodies. Sharp chins. Porcelain smooth complexion. Snowy white skin. Big brown eyes. Tiny noses. Tiny mouths. That tiny curl at the corner of their mouths when they smile which holds promises of so many dark, dirty, sinister secrets and a hint of mischievousness. Their soft hair.

Ohmgod their hair. Blue black green brown platinum. Long. Short. Spikey. Wavey. Tussled. Fringes strewn carelessly across their faces. The wind caressing each strand of their hair and moulding them into a mangled mess of softness.

Shounen-ai Haven. *slurp*

Wah. Just thinking about it makes my stomach twist into knots. My mind bounce off walls like it's on warp speed. My fingers shiver. My throat parched. My eyes glaze over. OMFG buey tahan.

Shit. Thinking about it makes me wet.

...... from prespiration.

*compose compose. maintain maintain*

My first cartoon character crush ever was Lion-O of Thundercats. I used to watch him and hoped that if I wished hard enough, he would just pop out of the tv. Shuddup. Admit it. It was yours too. And every single hot blooded straight (AND GAY) male who DARE deny ever having lusted over for Cheetara is lying out of his goddamn bleedin' ears.

Why hasn't he popped out of the tv yet, that sly, sly cat.


Came across these gems while I was uh.. being less than productive.


I just couldn't tear my eyes away from it. Sure they are as good looking as warts are on a toad. But look at thier intense vacuous stare. Check out their crazy windswept hair do. The I don't give a fuck facial expression. That slack posture that there are standing in. How their shirts are carelessly tucked. The moody broody setting. The subtle tinge of edginess and dark secrets that they keep. The slight hint of tender gayness. Tortured poets.

Okay they could do with some serious face reconstruction and lose all that mascara and eyeliners, but hey, at least they TRIED.


Ohmygod. See how the group of girls on the right of the picture are raping the boys WITH THEIR EYES.

I have the most uncontrollable urge to go buy myself a pair of suspenders NOW.

One day I intend to pull off dressing up like an anime boy and have girls all over fantasize about doing... uh... things which they do in dark quiet building corners when they think nobody's looking to me in dark quiet building corners when they think nobody's looking.

And with my EVEN SHORTER HAIRDO (yup, cropped it off again last week) now, I might even pull it off.

Do you know any real boys who look like they just stepped out of shounen-ai mangas? Give me his number. NOW. I wanna adopt him and er... comb his hair... and er.... have tea with him... and have idle chatter about the local weather.

Wah I better stop typing. This is getting too disturbing.

Back to work.

(Pictures were ripped off without permission from HERE)

Thursday, June 15, 2006

It's Like, It's Better Than Yours.

Meh. It's ridiculous when someone else beats you to writing about your own new phone.

Idiot KY.

5 people tested every single extra canggih function but not the most basic function of A phone. And guess what? OF course it was the most basic function which was screwed.


The joke's on me though. It was to be MY new phone.

So after 2 trips back to the shop, I got that worthless piece of crap exchanged for a new one. Now it works splendidly!

Please let me share my happiness with all of you!

Say hello to my spanking shiny new Nokia 3250!


Which replaces my old and abused 3 year old Nokia Iterforgotthemodelnumberbecausetheykeepcomingoutwithnewoneseveryminute.


It took me about a whole year and a crazy amount of peer pressure to finally settle with that one.

Friends were like "Get a handphone lah wei! GET IT! WE WANT TO CALL YOU LAH! SO HARD TO CONTACT YOU!"

I was like "Handphone? for what? waste money only lah. U want to call me call me at work or at home lah. If I'm out also I won't be free to layan you wat!"

Undeterred, these jokers even pooled a small sum of money on my birthday as a starter fund to get me to buy a new handphone. How nice.

Now that I have a handphone I'm like "how the hell did I never realised that I could've never lived without it".

Leave handphone at home one day only also feel like.. like... drug addicit without his regular fix. *anxiousbitefingernails*

We are slaves to the gadgets we own.


I've grown attached to my old handphone. They don't make it that tiny and light anymore. Granted it only had the most basic functions - Calls, smses, gprs, games, radio. Monocolour display. Monotonic ringtones. But that's really ALL I NEED. And man, the keypad was damn sweet for SMSing.

I am a self-confessed smsoholic. I would spam you SMS upon SMS so quickly your inbox overflows with my smses because you barely have enough time to reply to ANY of them until you throw your hands up in defeat and decide to CALL me instead.

"Hello. A one minute phone call can settle the job of 274 SMSes you psycho!".

Hah. Whatever. Wimps. Eat the cloud of dusts my fingers leave as I SMS you my reply.

I don't even switch on automatic editor (T9?). It's a bloody annoyance to me. Every now and then it "suggests a spelling" while in the middle of typing out a word which TOTALLY wrecks my flow man. SO FUCK THAT.

And was the handphone damn hardy too. I must've like dropped it about a gazillion times. Still worked!

But for about a past few months. The poor fella has showing signs of strains from my rough handling. It would switch off on its own on a full charged battery. Sometimes it would not receive smes. It would hang. It would die on me after a 5 minute phone conversation even when it is fully charged. Little annoying things like that.

I've been complaining about getting a new one for ages. Once again, friends had to push and hardsell me on the spot to get a new one. Thanks, bitches.

Hi I'm FA. I have a problem with spending a lot of money on myself. It makes me feel guilty.

The rest is history.

I like though. It's quite ON. Though the new baby has about a billion superduperterror functions I will hardly use, there are two which I will, bet your bottom dollar on it, TOTALLY ABUSE IT UNTIL IT CRIES AND BEGS ME TO STOP.


a) The pretty nifty 2MP camera function ...... AND.


b) and the Mp3 function with about 512 (FREE!) extra memory. Expendable to 1GB.

GPRS and all those supercanggih internet bullshit crap also got. But I have streamyx for that so I will never touch that it.

More? *Click*

They really should start TAILOR MAKING HANDPHONES for people, really. I'm quite confident that there's a market for that. There are a lot of all this supercanggih frills that users will hardly ever use anyway, so why bother having it installed in the phone?

The keypads aren't as sensitive as my old handphone's. It will take me some getting use to I suppose.


And HAH. My handphone is like way cooler than YOUR handphone.

.... unless it's one of those superterror Sony Ericson handphones with a built-in cameraflash..... but whatever okay talk to my phone's super pwning MP3 function.

Long live Nokia!

That's all.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Hello, Is It Me You're Looking For?

I've been getting batshit crazy amount of hits from you-and-I-know-where-so-I-won't-mention-it.

I guess I should say hi and be all welcoming like.



*long awkward pause*

Yeah. So....

I don't know what came over me to agree to such atrocity, and for that momentary lapse of logic and forgetting about world peace preservation, I do humbly apologise. With counseling, I think you'll come to forgive me.

I am a nobody. My life is as interesting as a piece of chalk.

That person in the papers, that wasn't even me. It's some alien in a badly-fitted fireangel suit.

I look uglier in real life.

And the pseudo-interview? Don't ask me. I don't know what the hell was going on there either.

If you are new here, expecting something AMAZING, you'll be sorely dissapointed and no, you won't get your money back.

So you know, feel free to fuck off, I won't take it personally or put a curse on your family and pets. No, really, I won't. Promise, I swear.

But if you insist on sticking around, do so at your own risk, the management of this blog, aka me, ruler of a small planet inhabited by 10 legged people eating insects, will not accept any responsibilities over the deterioration of your IQ levels or social life and such.


P/s: Yes. This has been a pointless filler post, so why not make it point-ful? Am a bit sian, I bet you are too. Let's be interactive and play the interview game. Show the boys at the paper how it's REALLY done. Why don't the 10 of you ask me questions in the comment box? I'll answer them as best as I can. Come on, humor me a bit. You know you want to. Cheers.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

The Fastest Clock In the Universe.

So one day, buried among promises of bigger penises, lonely hot housewives and xynochloropyxl for cheap, I chanced upon an email urging me to go catch a play.


The KLPAC website described the play as:

"...the absolutely MUST SEE production for this year..."

"Agonisingly funny, while at the same time frighteningly horrific, this play is sure to entertain even the most discerning theatre-goer. The one of thing you must not miss it! "

Wah. That's some superhardcore trumpet blowing. Aggressive marketing is a double edged sword. You either live up to it and be BRILLIANT or you fail spectacularly and piss everybody off.

So I caught it last Thursday. Managed to con 2 victims with sweet seductive promises of, absofuckinglutely nothing but my awesome company hahhah suckers, to catch it with me.

Was only RM30 on a Thursday, so why the hell not?

The not-so-innocent victims.

Pseudo review commences, NOW.


Cougar and Captain Tock are 2 bachelors who live together in a twisted symbiotic relationship. Cougar lives OFF Tock. Tock worships Cougar. Both gay. One is a manipulative self-serving paedophile, the other one is a spineless broken aging man with zero self-esteem. Tock loves Cougar to bits. Cougar uses Tock to bits. Cougar has MAJOR issues with aging. The men are preparing for a fake birthday party. It's an annual affair where Cougar celebrates his 19th birthday (he's 30) to lure in little boys into his lair, get them drunk on vodka, get them horny with porn mags, and have his dirty little way with them. Tonight, the special guest for this little party would be Foxtrot Darling. A brainless naive 16 year old boy.... who, much to Cougar's chagrin, brought along a surprise guest. A fiance, a PREGNANT fiance, Sherbet, who knew what was REALLY going on, attempted to put a stop to it.

The Set.

bad shot of set.

The fastest clock shared the same set designer as The Homecoming, so it looked pretty familiar. It's pretty simple-like. Designed to look like a typical old stuffy looking bachelor pad shared by 2 men. It's bleak. It's dark. It has the yellow, blue, red hues in appropriate place. Antique furnitures. Lots of dead stuff birds (Tock's obsession). Nice. I like.

What I hated was the sitting arrangements. AND THE SEATS. HARD COLd UNCOMFORTABLE PIECES OF PLASTIC PARTS PUT TOGETHER. The fact that I was short was NOT to my advantage. Kept seeing someone's head in front of me. Mahai. People who came late had to SIT ON THE STAIRCASE. WTF? Pay money to sit on the staircase. Brilliant.

You know the saddest thing about local theatres? They simply do NOT give a fuck about how comfortable or how enjoyable your play-watching experience would be. If the engineers and architects, for one moment sat and actually thought about trying to create a MORE CONDUCIVE environment for play enthusiasts during the whole PLANNING and BUILDING of a theatre, maybe there would be less BITCHINESS in the entire industry. Mahai.

National Theatre seats? Fucked. KLPAC seats? ALSO FUCKED.

I fucken need a drink. WHERE IS MY DRINK.

The Cast.


Ari Ratos as Captain Tock
At first I sympathised with the character, but as the play progress I got a little more annoyed with him. In my mind he was supposed to be this tortured soul, torn by his unrequited love to a man who abuses and uses him, not the blumbering, stuttering little boy trapped in an aging old man's body which Mr Ari played him out to be.

Niki Cheong as Foxtrot Darling
Erm. I don't like his character very much. He was unbelievably ... airheaded. Most of the time niki sounded like A Chinese Boy Trying To Speak English Like An Englishman, which gets very distracting. A little awkward and out of place, but good effort.

Joanna Bessey as Sherbert
Wah lau. Sherbet was the exact opposite of Foxtrot's character. Miss Joanna had put on a reaaaaally high-pitched HEAVY Cockney accent and portrayed Sherbet to be this shrewed fast talking fast thinking annoying fiance. I got blooody annoyed with Sherbet the whole time she was there. Couldn't understand half the things that came up of her mouth, it wasn't just the accent, it was the SPEED she was talking in. Sherbert is probably the best played character in the play. Without her, the play's dead. But oh god, every single time she went "BEBBBB!!" I cringed and held on to the side of my plastic seat till my knuckles turned white.

Gavin Yap as Cougar Glass
Had his top off baring his well-defined muscles during the first 15 minutes of the play and being the voyeur that I am, appreciated it a lot. Then he put his clothes on and instantly transformed into a piece of furniture. As stoic, cold and uncaring his character was supposed to be, I personally felt that Mr Yap could've done more with Cougar's character. It was like, there wasn't enough passion. He wasn't heartless enough. Wasn't cruel enough. Wasn't cold enough. It was too much like... acting. I didn't care much for Cougar as a character.

Faridah Merican as Cheetah Bee.
A cameo role, Cheetah Bee is a jovial quaint little old lady with a story, she coaxed and cajoled Cougar during seizure episode when Tock threatened to mention his age during a heated argument. She told a story of how mink coats were made, how it was best when the animal was skinned alive (okay seriously wtf is that about?). For the life of me I can't figure out what was the significance of her role though.

For Mature Audiences Only.

1. Gavin Yap half naked, wearing a pair of impossibly tight jeans which contricted MY breathing in the first half of the show - quite delectable. If only for 10 minutes.

2. Cougar jerking off Foxtrot while flipping thru a girl-on-girl porn mag totally distracted me away from Tock's panjang lebar cliche fairytale story (which I think was quite an important part of the play). Cleverly done. But too short and too little. Not enough scandal. Where's my sex damnit! I want more!

3. The fight between Cougar and Sherbet was the best, most believable part of the WHOLE PLAY. Finally! Some raw real emotions! Pwns WWE anytime.

Forced some random people to camwhore with me

The Play.

Personally I didn't feel passionate for any one of the characters. That night, it felt like the cast were not on form. The audience did not react quite enough. The laughters were uncomfortable and uncertain. The applause not loud and generous enough. Even after the play ended, it took the audience a few seconds to actually REALISE that it had ended, as if trying to figure out if the play sucked or not, before breaking into applause.

Got half-naked well toned man. Got gayness. Got sex. Got violence. Got child lovin' action. Got blood.


It's like a recipe for a delicious juicy scandal just waiting to come all over your face. So sinfully promising... and yet........ nothing.

I do like the storyline. Felt like so much more could've been done with the story telling. And there was a lesson in it somewhere I bet, but I must've missed it while trying to figure out which part of the play was "fucking scary" and which part was "damn fucking funny". NOw? Is it now? NOW? It has to be now. NO? Where the FUCK IS IT? Okay, so there were parts I laughed. Bits I felt for the characters, but overall? It was forgettable.

I mean how could a play with all these SHOCK factors NOT feel shocking? I'm sitting there watching it like I'm watching a freaking soap opera episode on the tv. Where's the fucking shock factor? Have I been THAT desensitised by Astro and the daily local papers?

Where are the kick ass subtle double entendres punchlines English writers are so fond of? Was it so poorly executed that I've completedly missed it? Or from the fact that me england not so veli powerderful mistah make you happee long time?

When I watch a live play, I want to feel. I want to believe that their characters are real. I want to be passionate about either hating or loving the characters, and the play itself. But that night, I came out of the play feeling....... nothing much. Not angry. Nor disturbed. Not hating it. Not liking it. Not caring. No endless steams of verbal abuse. Or songs of praises. No impact. Nothing. Just the feeling of, tak puas. "That's it?" I didn't even remember a single line from it. It was dissapointing. I was promised Avanti's Sunday brunch buffet spread at the Sunway Lagoon's Resort Hotel but ended up at the mamak with a plate of Indomee goreng kosong instead.

Smashpop's equipment is bigger than mine.


How was it really? It was Ok lah. Didn't quite lived up to all the marketing hype.

Well, go watch it for fun and tell me how YOU felt about it. Today, Sunday, is the last day.

By the way, The fastest clock in the universe, is apperently, Love.

Get me some of that good shit yo.



Thursday, June 8, 2006

Day After.

First days back to work after a holiday always feels like a Monday multiplied by an infinite blackness taken into the depths of forever and drowning in a pool of jalapeno filled with man-eating piranhas.

Oh, hello.

Friday, June 2, 2006

Want To, But Haven't.

Short term
1. XMen 3 (might have to buy DVD already)
2. Da Vinci Code (might have to buy DVD already)
3. Cars (might have to buy DVD already)
4. Mission Impossible (might have to buy DVD already)
5. Short break from work (check. Mon & Tue off to veg at home. Whee!)
6. Massage (Never had this one done before. Jom! Bangsar!)
7. Dance like a maniac (sigh)
8. Solid 10 hour dreamless sleep (double sigh)
9. Handphone (current one hangs like windows)
10. Sneakers (have been resorting to wearing girly sandals OMFG sacrilege!)
11. New wallet. Black soft leather. (current one too long and old)
12. Big girly bag. (everything can shove in)
13. Watch. (losing track of time)
14. Go back gyming. (so can sleep better at night)

Long term
1. Car (delayed. for 3 years)
2. Finally get stupid pro paper done. (argh. we hates studying)
3. Finish reading all borrowed books (sorry!)
4. Wardrobe overhaul (but am so unwilling to spend)
5. New sexy slim digicam. (powershots are pudgy)

Wishful thinking
1. Strike jackpot (haha)
2. Meet nice fairly normal guy. (hAHahhaha)
3. Backpack across Europe
4. Backpack across America
5. Check out Japan
7. Get high on Absinthe.
8. Puff a doobie.
9. Get own place.

No way, ever.
1. Go back in time. Do a different degree.
2. grow 3 more inches.
3. lose chubbiness on cheeks.
4. some natural boobs please.

Oh well. At least I can look forward to a looooong quiet weekend. Yeay! Bai!