Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Hello, Is It Me You're Looking For?

I've been getting batshit crazy amount of hits from you-and-I-know-where-so-I-won't-mention-it.

I guess I should say hi and be all welcoming like.

Hi.

Welcome.

*long awkward pause*

Yeah. So....

I don't know what came over me to agree to such atrocity, and for that momentary lapse of logic and forgetting about world peace preservation, I do humbly apologise. With counseling, I think you'll come to forgive me.

I am a nobody. My life is as interesting as a piece of chalk.

That person in the papers, that wasn't even me. It's some alien in a badly-fitted fireangel suit.

I look uglier in real life.

And the pseudo-interview? Don't ask me. I don't know what the hell was going on there either.

If you are new here, expecting something AMAZING, you'll be sorely dissapointed and no, you won't get your money back.

So you know, feel free to fuck off, I won't take it personally or put a curse on your family and pets. No, really, I won't. Promise, I swear.

But if you insist on sticking around, do so at your own risk, the management of this blog, aka me, ruler of a small planet inhabited by 10 legged people eating insects, will not accept any responsibilities over the deterioration of your IQ levels or social life and such.

Bye.

P/s: Yes. This has been a pointless filler post, so why not make it point-ful? Am a bit sian, I bet you are too. Let's be interactive and play the interview game. Show the boys at the paper how it's REALLY done. Why don't the 10 of you ask me questions in the comment box? I'll answer them as best as I can. Come on, humor me a bit. You know you want to. Cheers.

66 comments:

  1. Why do you always cosplay as a candy cane?

    FA: Am a strong advocate of - If you cant eat them, you wear them. Plus am poor, I only have like, 5 pieces of clothing in my wardrobe, including underwear. So, mr paultan.org, since you get so much money from you blog, be generous and sponsor me a new wardrobe kthxbai.

    ReplyDelete
  2. So basically, you want people to eat you lah.

    FA: So basically, I want people to donate generously so I can get me a new wardrobe. Strong hint nudge wink.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Whats your favourite poison and why?

    FA: That's like asking me to pick my favourite child. Sigh. If I really have to choose, it's Bailey's. Best comfort drink ever. Hell, can it even be considered a poison? It's so mild. Nobody ever gets high drinking Bailey's... unless you're a Kimberlycun.com. Mix it with kahlua and midori and it's the best tasting SHOT EVER.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Do you spit or swallow?

    FA: Depends on what. I swallow water and spit out listerine. next.

    ReplyDelete
  5. the fuck. bailey's. kahlua. midori. you bloody ahkua.

    FA: Don't knock it till you've tried it.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Do you prefer to have the lights on or off?

    FA: Depends on what I'm doing and with whom.

    ReplyDelete
  7. alcohol is bad, paul, bad.

    ReplyDelete
  8. why is everyone asking u about alcohol and sex?

    no that's not my question.

    would you ever date me?

    no that's not my question either. i might not be able to take the answer.

    if, or should i say WHEN you find Mr Fireangel, what sort of romantic things would you like him to do to/for you?

    :D

    FA:

    1. Don't know? They probably think I do them both a lot. But the only reason why I do alcohol a lot is because I do none of the latter SOB.

    2. If I was gay .. and a tad bit younger, why not? :)

    3. Woot. The list of things I want done on me would be thicker than a bible. If ever there's a Mr FireAngel, he'll know what to do, which really, isn't much, coz I'm quite easily satisfied. Low maintenance kinda girl u know? :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. "do to you"

    hAHEHAHehahEaheahHEahEHaea.

    ReplyDelete
  10. What is your opinion about blog trolls?

    FA: Obviously animals which should be kept locked up forever and made to watch Barney 24-7.

    ReplyDelete
  11. What's your view on abortion?
    (and no. i'm not pregnant)

    FA: It depends on the situation. If it was better for the child to never been born, then maybe. Then we have to look at the term of pregnancy, when is it considered a person already? But for 16 year old kids who fuck around without proper protection and go for abortion after 3 months that's like sure ticket to hell.

    ReplyDelete
  12. want to go out on sunday? :D

    FA: Sure! What are we doing? Are u picking me up? ;)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Alcohol is good for the liver. Helps to build up immunity. Baileys with coffee is a killer drink. Try it.

    ReplyDelete
  14. OI! u have something against purple carer izzit??

    FA: HAhah. Is this a real question or a fake question? No.

    ReplyDelete
  15. barney shoots purple...

    never mind.

    ReplyDelete
  16. ... suan ur so sick!

    ReplyDelete
  17. What's your No.1 priority/dream at this moment?

    FA: to get me some real gummy bears.

    ReplyDelete
  18. can I interview you also? :D

    FA: .. and why the hell not?

    ReplyDelete
  19. If u were to be stuck on an island (the cliche question la) would u rather be stuck with
    a) a bottle of ur favourite vodka
    b) Lainie
    c) some random guy

    FA:
    a) yes, because
    b) I can't handle her.
    c) they can't handle me.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Who pitched the idea of you-know-what to you and did you know which other bloggers were going to be interviewed at you-know-where?

    FA: The writer himself, and no I didn't. But he did ask for suggestions so I suggested quite a few. All but one who were featured in it happened to coincide with my suggestion.

    ReplyDelete
  21. 'It’s some alien in a badly-fitted fireangel suit.'

    Did that alien steal your favourite shirt for that interview and photoshoot?
    It could've bought it by itself.

    Did you get the shirt back afterwards?
    It didn't have to if it bought it for itself.

    Will you eventually frame the shirt and give it to Paul?
    Void.

    If you were able to construct your perfect man from the parts of famous peoples [or even just people we know on the blogsphere], let's call him a Mr. FireAngel for now, what bits would you chose from which individuals?
    [For example, you might chose Einsteins brain, Ben Aflecks butt, Brad Pitts Abs ... you know that sort of thing]. :-)
    No matter how I assemble it, no man will ever be perfect, because he is first and foremost, a MAN. I wouldn't even want a perfect guy if he exists, my lack of self-esteem won't be able to keep him.

    If we meet in real life, are my nuts safe from you kicking them in? :-)
    You might not want to find out.

    ReplyDelete
  22. What can gummy bears do for you and why is it so important?
    Gummy bears are yummy. Yummy things make me happy. Happiness is important. Therefore gummy bears are important.

    Is your door open only for 10 people?
    For questions? No. Ask away.

    How low maintenance is low for you?
    how low maintence is low for YOU?

    I think the way you bring your character by being true to yourself is already an attraction.
    A road less traveled is envy by many. I see the good in you but what makes so many are unable to handle you?
    I don't know. Nobody worthy ever tried, I suppose.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Do you think guys are intimidated by YOU cos you are femes and they feel inadequate??

    And what do you have to comment on the Topic above..

    FA: Angelina Jolie is famous. Jessica Alba is famous. Heck, even Jaclyn Victor is famous. I am not famous. Guys who ARE intimidated by me probably have small dicks, or don't have any to begin with. That is all.

    ReplyDelete
  24. when you say "because I do none of the latter SOB", does that mean that you have never done it, or does it mean just not recently? either way, i am officially offering my help to you... so you need not be sad anymore!

    FA: You may offer it, but why should I accept it?

    ReplyDelete
  25. Gummy bears bring happiness? Sounds like those Laughing Buddha statue to those Chinese beliefs. How many gummy bears do you own now?

    "I don’t know. Nobody worthy ever tried, I suppose."
    Great answer,:). Looks like many are not worthy to you. Fyi, your face shows you're a good life partner (face reading); hopefully you'll find someone worthy.

    FA:
    Do you even know what gummy bears are? They are candies. To be eaten. Google it.
    I have a good face? Why thank you. Now go spread the word.

    ReplyDelete
  26. how did you come up with the nickname fireangel

    FA: Like seriously dude ---> http://www.fireangelism.com/about/

    ReplyDelete
  27. I'm very excited that i can interview this internet celebrity. Got several questions though.

    1. How many times have you fell in love? When was the first time?
    Recently something came up and made me wonder if I had EVER fallen in love. What IS love anyway?

    2. Do you have any enemies in your life (maybe your previous goodfriends but no longer your friends)?
    I would have to say religious extremists, back stabbers, hypocrites and idiots.

    3. How many guy dated you? Don't tell me it's nil because it'll be a great lie.
    What is your defination of a "date"? Because to me, a date is a dried smal brown fruit.

    4. If you were given a sponsorship deal to endorse some really sexy clothes, would you agree?
    Do I need to wear them?

    ReplyDelete
  28. 1. Chicken or egg comes first?
    Scientists have discovered that it was the egg that came first.

    2. Men or women come first?
    When it comes to the matter of sex, it's only polite for the women to come first. :)

    3. You or Mr. FireAngel will kick the bucket first?
    I rather me.

    4. How you define first? Is it the typical
    a) 11111oneoeneonesatusatuyatyatyityit!!!!!
    b) ..|..
    c) 1st
    C. (wtf?)

    5. Which leg go in first? Left or right?
    When you do the hokey pokey, it's left leg first.

    6. Which side you tend to lie on? Left or right?
    Either way is fine.

    7. Which side of the middle finger convey enough hatred? the left or right?
    Same to me.

    8. Which one you think it accentuate your asset? Left or right?
    ARe we talking about fingers or boobs or what?

    9. How about the bottom portion? Left or right?
    I don't think you know what you're asking anymore.

    10. If I happened to saw you and shouted "FA", would you slap me on the left or the right?
    I can't believe I'm wasting my time answering moh liu questions like these.


    That's my 10Q.

    10Q.

    ReplyDelete
  29. What is the capital of Mongolia?

    Ulaanbaatar

    ReplyDelete
  30. ketchup or mayo?

    Mayo please.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Are you a virgin ?

    Why not?

    ReplyDelete
  32. what do you mean by you can't handle lainie? :D hoboy this ought to be good.

    She's intellectually a million times more superior than me. :)

    ReplyDelete
  33. 1. Why do we exist?
    Because I say so.

    2. Why do you exist?
    Because I want to

    3. What's fun to do in KL?
    drink dance stay home watch tv kill aliens in the pc

    4. What's a good club in KL?
    heritage row is still the in thing. so is zouk. hang around the sultan ismail area and you can't go too wrong.

    5. Where is Fireangel's favourite KL hangout (besides home)?
    i have no favourites at the moment

    6. Can chickens fly?
    yes. but only for short distances.

    7. Can ayam goreng fly?
    only if it's given a cape.

    8. Do flying ayam goreng need clearance from KLIA?
    of course. flying fried chickens could be hazardous.

    9. Why am I asking you these questions?
    do you really want me to answer this question?

    10. Where is my flu medication?
    you might have put it up the wrong orifice.

    ReplyDelete
  34. How many of your readers, in percentage terms, ask perfectly retarded questions thereby making you never allowing yourself to be interviewed again?

    too fucken many. thanks for the laugh.

    ReplyDelete
  35. HalfmanHalfbiscuitJune 14, 2006 at 12:18 PM

    Since you appear to be open to any number of questions, I’ll try my arm.

    Given your looks (undisputed in the eyes of others on the ‘blog-sphere’), fame (though you deny it) and notoriety, you must have your fair share of male attention. Why therefore are you still single? Do you set yourself impossibly high standards because you have issues with commitment?
    Contrary to popular belief, I don't. All lies. I do not set impossible high standards. I like to believe that the standards of local men in general have deteriotated exponentially with age. At my age, the good ones are mostly taken, or gay, so what am I left with? Go figure.

    Do you find that many of the people who meet you for the first time automatically assume they know you (the inner you) because they read your blog(s). Are you somewhat wary of people who follow your writings for this reason?
    Yes. And Yes. They are all idiots.

    What single book or film had the greatest impact on you (or moved you) more than any other and why?
    none. fairytales are lies.

    Thx ;)

    ReplyDelete
  36. 1. How many femmes bloggers does it take to change a light bulb?
    bloggers won't change the light bulb. they write about it.

    2. Why did the blogging chick cross the road?
    to get to the other siTe. hahaha.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Oh wait, wait I have a question too!

    HAVE YOU FINISHED WATCHING SAMURAI 7 YET GODDAMMIT??

    We need to discuss if Kambei or Kyuzo kicks more ass.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Why do you always have such a funny pose? Get a better one and smile for real this time.
    I dont know. Thanks for the very vague advice.

    Btw, isnt it terrrrible to be lumped with the younger ones? Those who camwhore?
    No. I'm not terribly older.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Where is this interview lah? Not all your visitors are in Malaysia you know.

    I gmail to you lah. damn shy to post it here.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Now I know. Never heard got candy have such name.
    Yeah, your cheek shows you are a good supporter and your nose shows you have a good partner and have good children. I'm attending JY's workshop this August, coming? See, I’m spreading here.

    What makes you wonder that you had ever fall in love?
    Yeah, is there anyone who can explain what is love anyway?
    I want to know too.

    ReplyDelete
  41. When is a good time for me to buy u a drink??

    When I find out for sure that you aren't a serial psycho killer.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Would you ever get nipple piercings?

    Maybe. Why not?

    ReplyDelete
  43. good question paul.
    if your answer to paul's question is in the affirmative, we would appreciate it if you could film it ala pink and post it on your site.

    ReplyDelete
  44. "8. Which one you think it accentuate your asset? Left or right?
    ARe we talking about fingers or boobs or what?"

    Why u answer question with question?

    You have to make decision whether it's your boobs, fingers, ears or even eyes.. as long as they come in pairs. :P

    and good thing is that even it's moh liu, u are even moh liu to complete the 10 Questions.

    Tenkiu!!! I lebiu!!!

    ReplyDelete
  45. Would you ever pierce Paul's nipples for him?

    no. i'll let you do it.

    ReplyDelete
  46. p.s. We caught the alien who stole your shirt.
    He's being punished as we speak

    *RUNS*

    ReplyDelete
  47. What colour gummy bear is your favourite? I bet it isn't the purple one.

    all of it.

    ReplyDelete
  48. would u consider rock climbing? lol

    yes I would. I have rock climbed before and I think it is good food. too bad no kakis to do it with these days.

    ReplyDelete
  49. I only have one question:
    Our mutual friend, FS, is never coming back from her hiatus, is she?

    I'm not sure. It sounds like she isn't, eh? I'll go ask her and get back to you.

    ReplyDelete
  50. why do you sound so uptight and angry?

    WTF? Who fucken SAYS that I AM uptight and angry TELL ME! I will bust a cap up his ass! I am the NIcest most PLEASANT person around EVER MOFO!

    ReplyDelete
  51. Do you want to have Lainie's babies?

    I think we're not properly equipped for this.

    ReplyDelete
  52. Can I have your babies?

    It depends. Has Japan come up with a dildo which shoots sperms? :P

    ReplyDelete
  53. Do you remember when you lost your mind? Do you think you're crazy?

    I don't remember ever owning a mind. Just because I indulge in baby-eating sparingly doesn't mean I'm crazy OKAY

    ReplyDelete
  54. LAINIE!!!! You were going to have MY BABIES!!!! ONEONEONE!!! :-)
    [Or was i going to have yours ... I can never remember! I blame World Cup Blur!] :-)

    Of course they don't need to use a dildo which shoots sperm ... you just go to a fertility clinic. [Then pay for the sperm].

    I've seen the L-Word and Queer as Folk ... lots of ways for two women to have babies! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  55. how come u haven't received a super media job yet as a result of fireangel day and ur malay mail foray?

    They can't stand my greatness

    ReplyDelete
  56. Thank you very much. Now I get to send this to the office internal email. =P Kidding.

    Plus I'm only an intern... So they don't give me my own address. =(

    ReplyDelete
  57. Can you gmail the interview to me too? If possible, i want to msn an invitation to you, can we get a room?

    ReplyDelete
  58. Have you ever tried beer with skittles?

    No. Is it yummy?

    ReplyDelete
  59. i have no idea what interview started this, so can i get a peek at it too?


    vodka red bull?
    Sure.


    italy or brazil?
    Brazil.

    ReplyDelete
  60. Do you define the moment or let the moment defines you?

    The moment defines me.

    ReplyDelete
  61. "I think we’re not properly equipped for this."
    what nonsense. you shouldn't be so defeatist. we give it a shot, and figure it out okay? if there is a way, we shall find it.

    ReplyDelete
  62. oiks..how come i dun find that in The Mirror or The Guardian? (or Page 3) *chuckles*
    btw, im js a silent fan. cheerios for a bad day, hoo-haa for a brighter day sods.

    ReplyDelete
  63. 1. Pick your cast if given a chance to play in stage.

    2. Gummy bear or licorice or chocolate or ?

    3. If the genie grants you either of this :
    - boob
    - height
    - a man like Gavin yap

    ReplyDelete
  64. I have a situation question. You and your best male friend is walking one day beside the beach. You two are having such a great time talking, staring at the sun set and the shushing sounds of waves. Then your friend suddenly yells in pain. It was the most intense voice ever heard from a man, you almost suspected he was a woman giving birth.
    As you say, "what's wrong !! Tell me I can help one !!"
    He points his finger to his groin. Alas, you see a snake hanging from his crotch. He hits the snake away and unzip his pants, and to your horror you see purple layered skin. Shit. He's poisoned. There is no one nearby, the hospital is about 30 minutes of walking from there.
    The only way to save him was to suck the poison out immediately. You see his eye, watery, and desperate. Like the eyes of woman walking away from a expensive handbag.
    Will you suck the poison from his you-know-what to save your best friends life....? His father's day ?? The clock is ticking, the cock is dying.

    ReplyDelete

I disclaim all comments.