Thursday, October 11, 2012

To come back or not to come back.

That's the question. There's nothing stopping me from reviving this blog.

Except perhaps the body. And the mind.

But the spirit is ever-willing.


Wow. Just realised that it has been more than a year since I've blogged. Truth to be told, I miss it. Thinking about it off an on ain't going to help me update the blog but there never seems to be the time, the energy or the inspiration. I enjoy writing, I really do. In spite of the poor command of the language I still enjoy it. I still remembered why I first embarked on it - I wanted an online journal to document my thoughts.

I've always been a diary writer. My mum gave me my first journal when I was in primary school - she told me it was a book for me to jot down my thoughts, my experience, anything I felt, saw, touch or taste - anything at all, which I felt I wanted to remember, reflect upon. At first I wrote not more than a couple of words "fun day" "cold" "bored" "met this guy"... which evolved to a paragraph.... which evolved to my teenage years of pouring pages and pages of emotionally-driven scratches of my thoughts I would never have been comfortable to share with anyone.

The blog thing happened in my early years of my day job. It was meant to be an evolution of a private diary. One thing led to another, and it's no longer a private diary, but a platform for me to rant, share experiences... and as a bonus, make some friends along the way.

I've left my previous job already - the one which I've decided to close the blog for. And in just under a year, I find myself just about to leave my current one. No big secret. Just as soon as I tendered half the building already knew about the news. No big surprises since where I work, information is the key source of income. In fact, anywhere you work, information IS key source of income. :)

The previous job I left - because I was done with it. Same with this. All I can say is that - it wasn't for me.  and I have no regrets whatsoever. I've always been so scared of making  choices, of taking the leap of the unknown. Am starting to realise that EVERYTHING is life is an unknown, NOTHING is for certain and EVERYTHING comes to an end. I'm not able to control the future or the outcome, but I can control what I decide, how I feel, what I think.

I find myself being very reflective these past few months. The scary part about this is that I've come to realise I have absolutely no awareness of myself. Sounds silly when put in writing - but that explains why I've felt so lost and confused in the past decade. Always searching for something.. always waiting. What am I searching or waiting for.. I have no clue. Just something to answer that nagging question (not sure what it is) in my head, or to complete me. Finally realised that it's not the way. Fulfillment, contentment, happiness should be found internally, not externally.

.... and I'm still trying to come to peace with that. And with myself.

I hope with this post, it really means that I'm back to writing. For good.

Why shouldn't I do what I enjoy doing?

1 comment:

  1. you should enjoy what you doing, just don't expect to always get paid for doing them :D


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