Tuesday, April 4, 2006

The Homecoming - A Personal Letter To The Director.


Dear Mr Gavin Yap,

Fuck you very much for shoving this piece of very disturbing play onto our faces. Seriously how the fuck did you get pass the censors? Vagina Monologues wasn't even allowed before. MJ wasn't even allowed to grab his crotch on stage. MJ okay. INTERNTIONAL SUPER STAR. AND YOU. you. YOU. YOU WERE ALLOWED TO PUT UP A PLAY. FOR ABOUT A WEEK OR SO. ABOUT A FOUL-MOUTHED, INCESTUOUS FAMILY. WITH A CHICK FACE SUCKING with not just ONe, but TWO men, ON STAGE and got her to emulate a SEX scene with some hunky boy. WTF?!?!?! How much did you pay them? Did it hurt when you try sitting down after they were done with you, you whore.

The director.

Did you know that right after I got home, I sat down and read through most of the production diary, to understand the whole production process, to understand just what the FUCK was in that twisted mind of yours when you wanted to put this up, and to understand what the rest of the cast felt. I did enjoyed the blog very much, by the way. Your personal thoughts in it as a director and how the rest of your insane crew were "in-character" when THEY blogged were very enjoyable and gave simple-minded folk like me a small peek into your little demented worlds.

The guilt-stricken driver/voyeur/uncle

But I digress.

Do you know that you're one sick twisted bugger? You most absolutely are.

Actually, not you, Pinter is. Pinter is a sick motherfucker. Freud would have a LOT to say about him. TO him.

During the Q&A session, you said you didn't want to send out a message, didn't want to make a statement. Unlike 99.9% of local productions which did. You said you wanted to do this for the fuck of it. You said you didn't really care what the audience felt, as long as they felt something, as long as they weren't indifferent about it.

I have bigger balls than you, Teddy.

What to know how I felt? I don't care. You HAVE to.

First, let me tell you that I was sitting there, RIGHT THERE, right in the FRONT ROW, which was on the SAME level as the set, as if I was IN the set like part of the furniture, which made me felt like I was standing precariously at the edge of a 100 floor building's roof, on tiptoe. Anytime now that Lenny would let the hammer go and break my knee. Anytime now Max's tongkat would hit my arm. Anytime now somebody would fling that white mug from being TOO in-character and it would land on my face in pieces.

Ruth is as scary as Chucky of child's play.

The whole thing was so believable that all I could do was just sit there, cringing at the edge of the seat for 2 whole fucking hours.

And after the goddamn play I felt drained.

Emotionally and mentally completely drained.

And dirty.

I wanted to watch 3 Walt Disney cartoons in a row.

Disney, please save me.

I wanted to lock myself in my room, blast my Limp Bizkit on maximum volume and ball up in a fetal position, crying while I'm rocking myself to sleep. And then bathe in a bathtub full of vodka to wash off the filth.

Eh, which gym you go to ah?

I didn't want to touch nobody talk to nobody. I didn't even fucking CAMWHORE, which by the way is just SOMETHING I DO. IT WAS MY THING. I ALWAYS CAMWHORE. ALWAYS. MY MIND WAS SO GONE I HAD COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN ABOUT CAMWHORING.

The outrage!

After this, I will never see families the same way again.

The word "tuck" is now a filthy, filthy word to me. As is "sip".

You have tainted me forEVER.

I hope you're happy now, you mindfucking bastard.

Ahem. What I was REALLY trying to say is that you were all fanfuckingtastic. The only reason I'm all fucked like this was because the direction and cast was brilliant enough to make the characters come alive, to make the play feel so damn REAL for me, as an audience.

But it still doesn't change the fact that the play totally raped my mind. Bitches.

Just me,

P/s 1: I think you're quite hot. In a grunge/skater-boy/druggy/homeless person sort of way. Are you really going to be half naked in the next skit? Which half?

Quite hot.

P/s 2: I saw you downing that bottle of Carlsberg just before the play started. You alcoholic.

P/s 3: While the ENTIRE cast was ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT, Lenny was my favourite character of all, even if he WAS the scariest one. If Hannibal Lector had a childhood he would've been a Lenny. Though sometimes.. the "accents" do get a little bit distracting.

Lenny scares me.

P/s 4: The lightning was superb. Mr Lim did a faNTASTIC job. I loved how the different lights were used to set different moods and to differentiate one room from another. Best light work I have EVER seen.

*I* had the scissors you flaming paedophilic homosexual bastard.

P/s: 5. Thanks for the invite, Patrick. Even if I did have to pay for my OWN ticket. Even if we had to go ALL THE FUCKING WAY to some godknowswhere secluded jungle of SENTUL, it was worth it.

The set.


The Homecoming Blog

Now if you'll all excuse me, I need to go fix myself a strong drink. To forget. Everything.


  1. [...] Other reviews: Kimberlycun Albert Ng Lainie Fireangel [...]

  2. So, like...was there bad words or something?

  3. there there, i'll make you feel better.
    come to momma.

    FA: For a big cuddle and all that? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

  4. lol. That was... disturbing. Does that mean you don't want to join us for ROJAK!?

    FA: The question is, ARE WE GETTING FREE TICKETS? :P

  5. [...] Homecoming official blog Lainie Paul Kim Fireangel Technorati Tags: homecoming [...]

  6. *Gasp*

    you just hit on gavin yap on national tv... uh, blog!!

    u slut, u! want to be ruth right!

    *runs away*

    FA: Bitch, you're just jealous right? :P

  7. Gee, and I thought you were the tough cookie. :P

    I've got a relative like Max (without the incest), so I wasn't that scared, but I felt the utter realism, albeit being desensitised.

    I heard that Ian Cheong is a trainer at Fitness First, Cheras. I also sense that Paul will become your best buddy from then on. :D

    FA: Why can't anybody see beneath the tough vulgar bitchy exterior I'm just a fluffy little hamster?

  8. Cheneille: Wow, so for a guy to say a girl is hot (and paste revealing photos of them all over) is fine, but for a girl to say a guy is hot means she is trying to "pick him up" and is a SLUT?

    Coming from a girl too.

    Excellent. I'm glad I'm a guy. I like a girl, I can admit I want to sleep with her. No big deal. Women, they are just screwed up.

    FA: Dude. Chill. Like, seriously.

  9. So Patrick didn't pay for your ticket? Stingy filthy limping lousy rotten bastard uncouth sodding runt. Still, I think you got your money's worth... I mean, the part when he (ahem) accidentally knocked the cup into the er... 'sink'.


  10. what a creative review! now i want to see the play that i'll never ever get to see more and more. ah fuck kedah!!

  11. First things first.
    This is my first time here.

    OMG. I see this fucking awesome review. Hilarious shit.
    Too bad i found out about this a little too late.

    Wish i could have catched this too.

    I need theatre lover friends. Pffbt.

  12. damn, love the way you write, woman! damn power :P

  13. 'Pinter is a sick motherfucker. Freud would have a LOT to say about him. TO him.'

    Pinter is a brilliant writer, I wish people would stop calling him sick and stuff. He's basically taken a taboo subject out of the dark closet it was locked in, so that people can see the consequences of it within a family.

    That doesn't make him sick. It jsut shows where his heart is at. He often stands up for the downtroaden underdog in a lot of his writings.

    I'm glad they were able to put the play on in Malaysia.

    I hope Gavin gets to read this. ;-)
    You have a unique writing style. :-)

  14. All I can say, Fireangel, is that's the best fucking review I have ever read in my life! How did we get it past the censors....you're right, I sold my ass. It was cool. I got tingles. I'm a whore. Don't tell anyone.

    I'm glad the show had such a strong effect on you. I'm not sure how I (or the cast) feel about mind-raping you but I'm happy you felt it was well worth your time.

    Once again, loved it. You had me from 'Fuck you'.

    p.s. yes, I won't be wearing much in my next show. but trust me, I'm not exactly overjoyed about it. I'm not enjoying having to give up my beer.

  15. i love your review! its exactly the way i felt. i had to come up with theories such as "this isnt really happening. this is just a sick mental fantasy the men in the family are sharing". i couldnt except it if it was real. but they did an excellent job. gavin's got balls to stage something like this in malaysia. MALAYSIA!

  16. Coolio Review FA. But If i had known you better, (which I don't :P) I would have think you're alphademon's bish...totally in the same vain, i meant vein ;)

  17. The Homecoming

    I caught the matinee today. (Warning: possible spoilers) And the show was sick... sick... sick... Act 2 was VERY sick, to be precise. But I liked it much better than Act 1 that started rather sedately. It was like...

  18. Wonderful, another reason to slit my wrists.

    I live like 15 fucking minutes away from Sentul and just couldn't be arsed to watch it, and it was great! Goddamnit.

    Life has so a way of fucking you in the arse.

  19. Did you watch Gamarjobat? Was utterly fantabulous. No sex-on-stage, sexy women (got cross-dressing lah) or dirty-talk (or any talk at all. was mime), but still -- as I imagine you would say -- "fan-fucking-tastic". ^^

  20. [...] The fastest clock shared the same set designer as The Homecoming, so it looked pretty familiar. It’s pretty simple-like. Designed to look like a typical old stuffy looking bachelor pad shared by 2 men. It’s bleak. It’s dark. It has the yellow, blue, red hues in appropriate place. Antique furnitures. Lots of dead stuff birds (Tock’s obsession). Nice. I like. Tried to take pictures but it was too dark. Some pics here though. [...]

  21. do u even know what vagina monologue is ? go read its "Herstory" and u will appreaciate!
    u dun even know how to appreciate art so Stop taking about it .Go home and do some homework about your reviews before u blog about them!
    U stupid bitch!


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