I met Bill through another friend who was once, if I was not mistaken, trying to go after me (either that or he was just being nice to me like any other civil human being would and being the single, desperate, longing for attention spinster that I was, read too much into everything).
We'd go out once (twice.. even thrice..) a week, where all of us would meet and party, and drink, and dance and have a fucking great time. We'd go yumcha. Go karaoke. Mostly clubbing, though. Eventually my friend disappeared and Bill took over his role as the group social co-ordinator. Not a week went by without an invitation by Bill to join the gang to wind down after a long week at work, or to take a break in the middle of a work week, or to celebrate whatever the occasion that needed celebrating.
Bill would call me "eh, tonight on ah?", to which I would almost always say "Hell yeah!". Or even when I wasn't in the mood for it (busy swimming in the cesspool of self-pity and depression), Bill would literally drag me out anyway.
Most of us were single. So in between spilling drinks, inhaling too much secondhand smoke, singing along to cheesy pop songs, hugging each other and telling everybody how much we love them - we still had time to bitch about singlehood, baggages, exes, relationships, complications with relationships.... all the heart-to-heart gory shit congregated single, sad, jaded people always talk about. We were there for each other whenever somebody needed a shoulder to cry on, a drinking partner, or even an ear to burn, to pull your hair back while you puke into the sink, got caught for drunkdriving and had to stick around the balai until the sun rose - we went through all that shit together.
When drunk, Bill would sometimes lament about being girlfriend-less. We'd talk for hours in the car. On the way to a party, or home from a good night out. Why. Why. Why. And I'd always tell him, wait. Wait. Wait. She will come.
And one day, she did. And suddenly, poof. He was gone. Just like that. No warning. No nothing.
The last time we met it was one year after. When I asked him why he hasn't been in touch after so long he said "I've found the one. I told myself I don't want to do this partying thing anymore. It's just not right anymore lah...."
What? Just like that? I don't hear from you no more? You're pussy whipped!
"Well, she's a girl. I don't want to cause any unnecessary trouble or heartache or make her sad - even though you and I were just really good friends.. You know lah girls. They are sensitive creatures mah.. have to take good care of their hearts. And you know how close we were right, we were like brothers."
Exactly dude. BROTHERS. That's almost gay. What gives?
"You're still a girl mah. No girl would really be okay with her guy being so chummy with another girl. Besides, I love her and I don't want to hurt her. Just to be on the safe side, you know? You're a girl, you understand right?"
You didn't exactly left me with a choice bro... but that's terribly sweet of you.
"Just trying to do the right thing for her. Do good by her. Make her happy. I'm her boyfriend mah. It's my duty and I'm happy to do it. :)"
And one year later, he tells me they bought a place together and I'll be summoned for his wedding at the end of the year. Bastard.
Bill is not the first guy who ever ditched me for his girlfriend. It really sucks being that girl that gets dumped after your good guy friend finds that missing piece of his heart.
I used to have a huge problem with this though. I'd be all "What the fuck? Why? You fuckers treat me like a guy and now suddenly a girlfriend appears and you realise that I'm a freaking girl and it's not okay to be friends anymore JUST BECAUSE I'm a girl? Where the fuck is the logic in that? Where is the trust? Do I stink? Why? What? Fuck! Bullshit!". Then I'll withdraw from the world into my shell in a lame attempt stick it to the man for all of life's biasness and injustice. Losing friends? Just because they were in a relationship? I refused to freaking accept that.
But now that I'm older, wiser and more mellow, I actually understand why he did what he did, or rather, I'm no longer in denial. I'm a girl. I know how it works. I've always known that the dynamics of girl-boy friendship will change (no matter how platonic) when the guy enters into a real relationship which he really gives a fuck about. It just happens, with or without his girlfriend having to tell him. And as a friend, I respect him enough to take a step back and let him be. Naturally I get upset for a bit afterall the foundation of a friendship was not built in a day. In time, I let it go, be extremely happy for him, wish them both the best and accept that we'll never be that chummy again.
Fuck when I think about it now, I even feel a slight tinge of envy for that girl. She must be really something to him to want to so willingly do things like that JUST for her. He must really want things to work. He must really love her.
I'm so happy for you bro. You're a good person and your girlfriend is the luckiest bitch ever. And if she (heaven forbid) ever breaks your heart you know you can always count on me to be with you as we drown your sorrows in pools and pools of liquor. :P