Friday, March 14, 2008

Have You Met My Friend, Bill?

I met Bill through another friend who was once, if I was not mistaken, trying to go after me (either that or he was just being nice to me like any other civil human being would and being the single, desperate, longing for attention spinster that I was, read too much into everything).

We'd go out once (twice.. even thrice..) a week, where all of us would meet and party, and drink, and dance and have a fucking great time. We'd go yumcha. Go karaoke. Mostly clubbing, though. Eventually my friend disappeared and Bill took over his role as the group social co-ordinator. Not a week went by without an invitation by Bill to join the gang to wind down after a long week at work, or to take a break in the middle of a work week, or to celebrate whatever the occasion that needed celebrating.

Bill would call me "eh, tonight on ah?", to which I would almost always say "Hell yeah!". Or even when I wasn't in the mood for it (busy swimming in the cesspool of self-pity and depression), Bill would literally drag me out anyway.

Most of us were single. So in between spilling drinks, inhaling too much secondhand smoke, singing along to cheesy pop songs, hugging each other and telling everybody how much we love them - we still had time to bitch about singlehood, baggages, exes, relationships, complications with relationships.... all the heart-to-heart gory shit congregated single, sad, jaded people always talk about. We were there for each other whenever somebody needed a shoulder to cry on, a drinking partner, or even an ear to burn, to pull your hair back while you puke into the sink, got caught for drunkdriving and had to stick around the balai until the sun rose - we went through all that shit together.

When drunk, Bill would sometimes lament about being girlfriend-less. We'd talk for hours in the car. On the way to a party, or home from a good night out. Why. Why. Why. And I'd always tell him, wait. Wait. Wait. She will come.

And one day, she did. And suddenly, poof. He was gone. Just like that. No warning. No nothing.

The last time we met it was one year after. When I asked him why he hasn't been in touch after so long he said "I've found the one. I told myself I don't want to do this partying thing anymore. It's just not right anymore lah...."

What? Just like that? I don't hear from you no more? You're pussy whipped!

"Well, she's a girl. I don't want to cause any unnecessary trouble or heartache or make her sad - even though you and I were just really good friends.. You know lah girls. They are sensitive creatures mah.. have to take good care of their hearts. And you know how close we were right, we were like brothers."

Exactly dude. BROTHERS. That's almost gay. What gives?

"You're still a girl mah. No girl would really be okay with her guy being so chummy with another girl. Besides, I love her and I don't want to hurt her. Just to be on the safe side, you know? You're a girl, you understand right?"

You didn't exactly left me with a choice bro... but that's terribly sweet of you.

"Just trying to do the right thing for her. Do good by her. Make her happy. I'm her boyfriend mah. It's my duty and I'm happy to do it. :)"

And one year later, he tells me they bought a place together and I'll be summoned for his wedding at the end of the year. Bastard.

Bill is not the first guy who ever ditched me for his girlfriend. It really sucks being that girl that gets dumped after your good guy friend finds that missing piece of his heart.

I used to have a huge problem with this though. I'd be all "What the fuck? Why? You fuckers treat me like a guy and now suddenly a girlfriend appears and you realise that I'm a freaking girl and it's not okay to be friends anymore JUST BECAUSE I'm a girl? Where the fuck is the logic in that? Where is the trust? Do I stink? Why? What? Fuck! Bullshit!". Then I'll withdraw from the world into my shell in a lame attempt stick it to the man for all of life's biasness and injustice. Losing friends? Just because they were in a relationship? I refused to freaking accept that.

But now that I'm older, wiser and more mellow, I actually understand why he did what he did, or rather, I'm no longer in denial. I'm a girl. I know how it works. I've always known that the dynamics of girl-boy friendship will change (no matter how platonic) when the guy enters into a real relationship which he really gives a fuck about. It just happens, with or without his girlfriend having to tell him. And as a friend, I respect him enough to take a step back and let him be. Naturally I get upset for a bit afterall the foundation of a friendship was not built in a day. In time, I let it go, be extremely happy for him, wish them both the best and accept that we'll never be that chummy again.

Fuck when I think about it now, I even feel a slight tinge of envy for that girl. She must be really something to him to want to so willingly do things like that JUST for her. He must really want things to work. He must really love her.

I'm so happy for you bro. You're a good person and your girlfriend is the luckiest bitch ever. And if she (heaven forbid) ever breaks your heart you know you can always count on me to be with you as we drown your sorrows in pools and pools of liquor. :P


  1. Respect. Respect.

    To say anything else would spoil the moment, methinks.

  2. An endearing entry :)

  3. I think you just need a man of your own ..... and stop with the "being platonic friends" bullshit and start getting laid already. You need to test drive a few before you decide ...

  4. Bill is such a pussy.. He could two time you and her. Take some candid, post them. slurps..

  5. Next round, meet my brother Fireanglel --> points to FA.


  6. I know how you feel. My Ex was my best friend [well, I wasn't allowed to have friends, so she was my only friend], and after that my friend from work Melissa became my best friend for years till she got a BF and suddenly there were no return phone calls, no replies to anything ... she just disappeared (cause we weren't working together anymore either).
    Then, my friend Kaylene became my best friend ... first sign of trouble there was when she didn't turn up one Friday night and I waited for hours for her. Ended up she'd broken down somewhere with her NEW BF! [Worst thing of that night was when I was walking out of the pub, some girl commenting to her friend that I'd been stood up by my BF!!! OUCH! Do I look gay??? Don't answer that or I'll hit you with my handbag!]

    So, it happens both ways. Soon, all the single friends of the opposite sex are got rid of, and only the same sex friends and couple friends remain ...

    It hurts, but it happens to reassure the insecure among us that we're not going to run off with our best friends of the opposite sex.

    But, I can't seem to get my timing right anyway. Most girls I ask out tell me I've moved into the friendship realm ... this year I asked a girl out and I got the opposite response ... that we can't go out yet as we're not even friends yet! I really feel that for some of us, there is no winning. lol
    Oh well, guess I'll just drown my sorrows with more anti-depressants and pineapple cordial! ;-)

  7. hehe.. just be friends with your friends GF! that way, you get to still stay in touch. besides, that way, they will know you better and feel much more secure letting him hang out with you sometimes when she is not around.

  8. well FA... those are friendship base on flirtatious intentions~~! that is the reason why that guy fren of your dissapeared.useless fella! hate guys like that..and i think it's good also that he left atleast now u know who are your true frens and who are just party kakis.. who will only be with u when they need u..and only think of their u understand what i am saying??
    but if u think that all these happens to u alot then u really have to reflect into your own life.. coz usually the same "wave lengths" connects/attracts..
    You maybe like them deep down inside.
    think about it.

  9. What crash said. Being chummy with an attached guy can work provided you and the gf know each other and trust enough to let it roll. It can be lots of fun.

    Of course, if one or more people have security issues then it might be a bit of a problem.

    Other than that, what can anyone say? Friends change and drift apart. It happens and will continue to happen...*shrug*

    It'll make more sense as time passes. Hopefully.

    I like this post by the way.

  10. just like election, kamcing with you - kena elected- naik pangkat - disappeared from your community.

    but think positively, maybe aint that bad afterall.

    otherwise you want him to date you out while showing off his gf meh. lagi tulan the feeling.

  11. Funny how quickly guys can become p-whipped. At the drop of a hat lah.

  12. Lovely post.

    But as a guy who's experienced the same thing from the other side of the gender divide (rhyme!), I've this to add:

    The absolute worst is when a previously single female friend gets hitched, and their attitude towards your singlehood status becomes completely different. Like, they're actually *contemptuous*.

    Before, they were like "yeah it sux being single doesn't it omg lolz".

    Now, they're like "Oh, quit being such a loser and get a girlfriend already".

  13. Laylowmoe - quit being such a loser and ask FA out already! :-)

  14. Thank goodness my wifey understand the relation I had with my ex . . .i mean for CHINESE i hug and kisses her ont he lips and I have told me wife that. Unfortunately, even her gwai lo bf dont understand and we maintain the same relationship. How pathetic can ppl be ?

  15. Fireangel is back to her best! Gimme more of this shit!

  16. How do I relate, let me emo the ways...

    Aiya, you'll attract new friends like honeybeeslah.

  17. This happens to me all the time. When my girl buddy got a boy friend and suddenly have to keep a distance already. If they broke up, then I'm the one to slot in the time again. Still I don't blame them, I'm happy for them to find a boy friend. I'm just to kind. LOL.

  18. I'm not very good at giving advice or cheering people up so... sorry for you? Hmm, at least he has a good reason for not spending time with friends anymore. Some just don't because they're too 'busy' entertaining their new found special someones.


    p.s. Well, you LOOKed happy last night. It was night seeing you from afar.. again. HAHA! *regretful laugh*

  19. very nice , great article thank you.


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