Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Be Kind, Rewind
Oh god no please don't inflict us with yet another Jack Black movie. Sure, School of Rock was pretty fun but School of Rock was pretty fun because the children were pretty fun. The bad bit about the movie was where Jack "LOOK AT ME MA I'M MAKING FUNNY FACES AND INSULTING EVERYBODY AIN'T I FUNNY" Black shows up all the fucking time. He has a face that's begging me to punch it in and stomp on it. With a heavy, blunt, metal object. Repeatedly.
Oh well, let's just give the new movie a try... it sounds promising enough on IMDB. Maybe Jack "LOOK AT ME PHYSICALLY INJURING MYSELF AGAIN WITH A YET ANOTHER MUNDANE HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCE OMG I'M A COMIC GENIUS" Black might tone it down a bit and allow the movie to just be a tad bit more enjoya..... ARGHHHH NO!!!!!!111one WHYYYYYYYY!!!?!?!?! WHY. DO. YOU. KEEP. RUBBING. YOUR. POMPOUS. OBNOXIOUS. UNFUNNY. ASS. ON. OUR. FACES?
Well, the movie idea alone was awesome enough and I would've liked it immensely except for a few teeny tiny little details which ruined everything - the people IN it. Jack "LOOK AT ME SHOUTING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS AND FLAYING MY ARMS ABOUT OMG I'M SO FUNNY PEOPLE WILL FIGHT TO EAT MY UNDERWEAR" Black had to be his usual vulgar crude self and absolutely ruined everything for me. Mos Def was more annoying than a tantrum-throwing kid screaming in the middle of a restaurant. I mean just because he looks like he has a slow-learning disability doesn't mean he has to act like he has a slow-learning disability. I hated him in H2G2, and I hated him now. Somebody please slap him about with a large trout. Take those 2 idiots out and replace them with any other 2 monkeys from a zoo and I guarantee that the movie will blow minds and win awards.
Another thing that really irked me is the randomness, the lack of continuity and the overall sense of pointlessness. Cut stop go okay let's put all these tOh-Tah-LeE FAR-neE bits in every 5 seconds cut stop go throw in some sentimental bullshit cut stop go we need depth let's sprinkle in some depth here and here cut stop go ooh let's not forget some tacky pseudo-moral elements cut stop go ROMANCE! How could we forget that! Cut stop voila! Jack Black movie!
Argh. So not for me - negative million. No more Jack Black movies for me ever, please.
Actually I really want to watch Ah Long Pte Ltd and Spiderwick. _mow?_
Looking forward to so many movies this American summer! Iron Man! Indiana Jones! The Incredible Hulk! The Dark Knight! WallE! Yeay! What are you looking forward to?
at 5:57 PM