Saturday, August 5, 2006

Won't They Ever Shut Up?

When one cuts up a credit card and mail it back to the bank in pieces, one will inevitably receive a phone call from one's friendly neighbourhood customer service personnel.... FROM HELL.

"Why you cut our card ah?"

"Why dont you want it?"

"Let me tell you about this promotion okay it is a very special promotion this week only we offer you it is a special deal if you let it go you sure regret one I tell you......."

*etcetcetc blahblahblah yak yak yak yak mehmhemhemhehetc "

......so on so forth for the next 20 minutes.

And no matter how many times one chants,

"No. No. NO. NO. dowan lah. I got a lot of cards already. Really. No. NO. No. No. No. NO!"

... they'll just keep talking. And talking. And talking. AND TALKING.

It's as if their brains were hardwired to compeletely forget that the word "no" ever existed in the english langauge and thus whenever "no" is uttered their modified brains would process it as background noise.

Or maybe it's hardwired to process "no" actually means "yes please do go on raping my ears with your incessant marketing bullshit it really makes me horny mistah", thus encouraging them to go on with the fullest vigour.

THIS is how banks FORCE credit cards down the throat of their poor innocent customers.

Weaken them with endless, mindless chatter.

Talk to them until their ears bleed.

Talk to them until their eyes roll to the back of their heads.

Talk to them until the only civil way to make it all stop is to SAY YES OMG OMG YES JUST GIVE IT TO ME OKAY I CANT TAKE THIS MINDLESS DRONING OF REDUNDANT INFORMATION I DONT GIVE TWO FUCKS ABOUT ANYMORE ANYTHING ANYTHING BUT THIS OHMYGOD STOPITTTTTTT ARGH.

More failproof than kryptonite to Superman I tell ya.

So anyway, this is what happened to me today.

Some fucker called me up, told me they'll take away the "if you don't spend 80 bucks on your credit card per month, we'll charge you 10 bucks for that month" clause, and that he would like to introduce me to this "BRAND NEW ALL IMPROVED PROMOTION SPECIALLY AVAILABLE TO YOU THIS WEEK ONLY" where I just need to swipe the card SIX TIMES in a year for a lifetime fee waiver.

I really, really really tried to say no.

But he just wouldn't hear it.

Sigh.

Damn the sneaky corporationey fuckers.

They play dirty.

34 comments:

  1. So now you have a replacement card? Aww... ruthless telemarketers. But it's no longer PC to blog about inflicting violence against people like that.

    Good weekend!

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  2. reminds me of Stephen Chow and the monk in the movie "A Chinese Odyssey"

    Bleh.

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  3. Why do you keep typing “yes please do go on raping my ears with your incessant marketing bullshit it really makes me horny mistah” over and over again?

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  4. Haha. Told you they would either call you or mail you a new card. They ARE that dumn.

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  5. My standard response: "sorry I'm in a meeting." Tooooooo......(hung up)

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  6. Aiya. Just slam down the phone lah.
    You are too nice :P

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  7. yellow bottle with red wings fanAugust 5, 2006 at 5:51 AM

    W.
    T.
    F.

    you piece of chicken, you. whatever happened to STFUKTHXBAI SCUMFUCKINGBITCHFACE????

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  8. You are just too fucken damn nice in real life to slam down the phone, ain't you?

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  9. credit card collectorAugust 5, 2006 at 10:56 AM

    wtf, i will "greet" her/his all family members on charging such unacceptable fees.

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  10. just say you are not interested and turn the phone off...
    know what? they will come again with another interesting offer... trust me!! banks!! hehe

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  11. weakness is jooooo.....

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  12. hang up if u dont want it . no need to care about them at alll.

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  13. Someone's really angry today :-)

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  14. Ahahahaahhah - you caved, FA! The corporate machine keeps grinding, and we're all just miniscule cogs in the wheel. Er, at least they got rid of the charge? :)

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  15. Lainie - Leave some for the rest of us.

    What was the story about the guy who has a meeting scheduled with his bank manager because he is too much in debt.
    On the day the meeting is due to take place, the bank calls and tells him the manager died in his sleep.
    The guy keeps phoning and askes to speak to the manager.
    The lady at the other end keeps going, 'Sorry, the manager died last night.'
    After about ten calls, the lady goes, 'Look, why do you keep phoning asking to speak to the manger? I've already told you, he died'
    'Yes, but I love to hear you say it!' :-)

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  16. You could always ask them if their new package comes with vodka and gummy bears.

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  17. Good morning, I am calling on behalf of the General Manager of XYZ Hotel, etc, etc. You have been chosen to be a part of our exclusive XXXXX privilege card promotion, etc, etc.

    As an ex-telemarketer, I'm pretty sure that the caller had a script. I used to know a certain boss who was in charge (before I became a telemarketer) who would fire anyone who omitted reading a single word from the script. It was either all script or "You're fired!" Thank goodness I joined (for a bit of experience) after he left, and I added some real conversation after that script reading. Managed to get three people to join in my three weeks there. Hated cold-calling from the phone book, only got to the people who mattered in the last few days I was there.

    Dude's just doing his job. You think you got it bad? Think of him having to hear not just you but 30 other people cussing and slamming the phone down. Perhaps he's not qualified to get a better job, perhaps he's disabled and being telemarketer is the only option for him.

    Whateverlah...just a POV.

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  18. ET: er... you DO realize her angst was directed at the COMPANY (or any other that practices telemarketing for the matter), and not at your poor industrial comrade? Then again, I'm not too sure how telemarketeers (marketers?) are paid; commission or pure salary. Because if it's the latter, seriously lah, the lady already said NO repeatedly. And not every girl does that whole I-say-no-but-I-really-mean-yes spree, y'know. ;)

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  19. Hi Chen,

    Well, I'm sure that the 'THEY' in "Won't They Ever Shut Up?" refers to the "friendly neighbourhood customer service personnel…FROM HELL."

    I'm not sure how that 'Some fucker called me up' earns his pay, but I do remember getting a commission for every person who signed up.

    First it's cold-calling the phone book (hated that), then it's the business cards collected from those "Submit your business cards here for our lucky draw!" bowls/boxes. All these are recycled if nobody takes the bait, and nobody knows how many times the prospective customer has been called previously.

    So I suppose that if FA keeps saying 'No', her name will be on the list til time immemorial. Perhaps she could call the bank manager to get them to stop calling her and that she will never be interested in their products and services. I don't know myself. I don't have a credit card. :)

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  20. Now we know what to do in order to get a fee-waiver... but if it backfires, kantoi.

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  21. You can make it fun, when they called and ask "Are you so-and-so?" I just told him the mentioned is deceased. End of story.

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  22. Beat them with question like :
    Did your card offer 50% discount on all liqour?
    Did your card give free gummy gear?
    If not, just shutup.


    kekekekekekekekee.

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  23. KY : Bad idea. Why curse yourself?

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  24. Cool Gal, dat guy is probaly trying to make a living as well.....No doubt they can be an irritant, but hey, his rice bowl depends on it. Just tell him/her u r bz & hang up....

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  25. So u ended up taking up the credit card programme? :)

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  26. let's get to the point.
    Are you going to swipe at least 6 times in a yaer to get the waiver?

    U can do it in a week times. Better not. 6 times to re-fuel ur mom's car.

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  27. Guess you lost the battle this time.

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  28. OMG...FA has become a yes-man....tsk tsk.

    What has teh world come to?

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  29. so....you caved and gave in??

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  30. awww, people should cut you some slack... just bcos you gave in. Sometimes can't bring ourselves to slam the phone down. M'sians already getting enough flack for being a "rude" country... Well, you can always try.. "Please get off the line because I just fell into the big longkang due to listening to you going on & on and now I need to call the ambulance. Goodbye." *lol* Obviously lying lah but nobody can fault you for being rude or mean. ;P

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