I know about cars as much as most straight heterosexual men know about fashion and makeup.
Unless the heterosexual men is in the media/fashion industry.
Actually, any man who claims to be heterosexual AND is in the media or fashion industry is probably lying.
In fact, I myself know very little about fashion and makeup. So that would make me.....
A complete failure.
Man, I suck at this whole LIVING business.
Last Friday I had the luxury of being invited by THE paultan.org (uh huh, THE guy even straight macho men want to have babies with) to hop along for a test drive on an Audi A4 something something why must they put so many numbers and alphabets on car models sheesh!
When it comes to the subject of cars in general, I'm a complete Reese Witherspoon Legally Blonde bimbo. Paultan.orgâ€™s website makes no sense to me and whenever I chance upon anything even remotely related to these 2 words - â€œreviewâ€ and â€œcarâ€, my eyes automatically glaze over and my brain switches on to screensaver mode.
Well, I was really fascinated with Audi's Boot Space. Here are some pictures to proof how fascinated I was.
THIS IS NOT A REVIEW.
The boot! The boot!
See how MONSTROUSLY sweet the boot it is. See how happy I am IN the boot. If one were to, hypothetically, run a ring of illegal baby trafficking activities, one could kidnap and fit about, oh I would roughly say a hundred babies in this sweet ass from the Mexican border straight into the States comfortably without anybody ever smelling a rat.
Having fun in the boot.
This would be THE model car for Ikeaâ€™s motto of â€“ BRING YOUR OWN SHIT BACK SO WE DONâ€™T HAVE TO DO IT FOR YOU DAMNIT. If had brought along a couple of pillows and a flask of long island tea, I wouldâ€™ve been a cosier and a much happier ranger than EVEN the boys up in Brokeback Mountain.
Like a hamster on a running wheel.
Paultan.org mentioned that this car was sexy. The way he said it, if it wasnâ€™t illegal, I bet heâ€™ll want to be having a threesome with the twin exhaust pipes already.
The sound system was fantastic. The driver could adjust the volume from his steering wheel and the loudspeakers are located in every single car door â€“ which sounded like a surround sound stereo. Pretty damn neat.
All that's missing now is a drink.
The buttons and electronic bits in the front were really nifty. Everything from the front seat adjusting knobs, to the lights, to the radio, to the hood yâ€™all was automated and required just a touch of a button. It was so technologically advanced that initially Paultan.org even thought that the petrol tank would be controlled with a button, and thereby spending many, many, minutes looking for it.
Many, many, MANY minutes looking for it.
Fed up, I got out of the car and tried to help figure out which of these thousand buttons controlled the petrol tank. Then I walked to the tank, put my hand on the cover, and popped it open. Suckers. There is no such button. Itâ€™s manually operated.
The only time I'll EVER get to be on a driver's seat of a car. When it's stationary.
All that being said, get me a car please.
Paul Tan Dot Org- for a REAL review.
Suanie - from another passengerâ€™s perspective.