Tuesday, August 29, 2006

The Audi A4's Boot Space, Mostly.

I know about cars as much as most straight heterosexual men know about fashion and makeup.

Unless the heterosexual men is in the media/fashion industry.

Actually, any man who claims to be heterosexual AND is in the media or fashion industry is probably lying.

In fact, I myself know very little about fashion and makeup. So that would make me.....

A complete failure.

Man, I suck at this whole LIVING business.

Anyways.

Last Friday I had the luxury of being invited by THE paultan.org (uh huh, THE guy even straight macho men want to have babies with) to hop along for a test drive on an Audi A4 something something why must they put so many numbers and alphabets on car models sheesh!

When it comes to the subject of cars in general, I'm a complete Reese Witherspoon Legally Blonde bimbo. Paultan.org’s website makes no sense to me and whenever I chance upon anything even remotely related to these 2 words - “review” and “car”, my eyes automatically glaze over and my brain switches on to screensaver mode.

Well, I was really fascinated with Audi's Boot Space. Here are some pictures to proof how fascinated I was.

THIS IS NOT A REVIEW.

1
The boot! The boot!

See how MONSTROUSLY sweet the boot it is. See how happy I am IN the boot. If one were to, hypothetically, run a ring of illegal baby trafficking activities, one could kidnap and fit about, oh I would roughly say a hundred babies in this sweet ass from the Mexican border straight into the States comfortably without anybody ever smelling a rat.

2
Having fun in the boot.

This would be THE model car for Ikea’s motto of – BRING YOUR OWN SHIT BACK SO WE DON’T HAVE TO DO IT FOR YOU DAMNIT. If had brought along a couple of pillows and a flask of long island tea, I would’ve been a cosier and a much happier ranger than EVEN the boys up in Brokeback Mountain.

3
Like a hamster on a running wheel.

Paultan.org mentioned that this car was sexy. The way he said it, if it wasn’t illegal, I bet he’ll want to be having a threesome with the twin exhaust pipes already.

The sound system was fantastic. The driver could adjust the volume from his steering wheel and the loudspeakers are located in every single car door – which sounded like a surround sound stereo. Pretty damn neat.

4
All that's missing now is a drink.

The buttons and electronic bits in the front were really nifty. Everything from the front seat adjusting knobs, to the lights, to the radio, to the hood y’all was automated and required just a touch of a button. It was so technologically advanced that initially Paultan.org even thought that the petrol tank would be controlled with a button, and thereby spending many, many, minutes looking for it.

Many, many, MANY minutes looking for it.

Fed up, I got out of the car and tried to help figure out which of these thousand buttons controlled the petrol tank. Then I walked to the tank, put my hand on the cover, and popped it open. Suckers. There is no such button. It’s manually operated.

5
The only time I'll EVER get to be on a driver's seat of a car. When it's stationary.

All that being said, get me a car please.

Bye.

Others:
Paul Tan Dot Org- for a REAL review.
Suanie - from another passenger’s perspective.

25 comments:

  1. editorial integrity compromised *Check*
    dumbing down for release from ownage of actual opinion *Check*
    subtle criticisms and full blown praises *Check*

    congratulations! You have joined the rankings of our Msian mainstream media! Teh tarik for everyone!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Interesting review. Now I know more about the boot than I actually needed to. =) "Suanie - from another passenger’s perspective."

    ReplyDelete
  3. hmm... got cut off. I meant to say that the links are broken. You might want to check the url.

    FA: Should be fixed. I'm glad I have so many proofreaders. Cheers.

    ReplyDelete
  4. hey where's that post on you b*tching about music?? I liked that one...miss the singing *sobs*

    Nice Audi though.

    FA: In my great perturbed haste of editing this post, I accidentally messed with the singing one. But fret not, it's up again. Thank you for enjoying it.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Eh? The links for paul tan and suanie are still out.

    Nice pics of you in the boot. But Paul has forgotten to tie your hands and legs ala kidnapped Angel. Ha ha ha

    ReplyDelete
  6. why not be in the boot with suan, and paul, at the same time?

    ReplyDelete
  7. OMGBBQ, boot babe.

    KLIM should hire you to bring back the crowd.

    ReplyDelete
  8. If you were a guy, I would have said you were humping the car boot floor in the first pic.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Looks as though you were practicing being hogtied and kidnapped. Haha.

    ReplyDelete
  10. 'Paultan.org’s website completely bores me.'

    Just the bit where he reviews cars. I still can't get back to the tragic kingdom part though ... has that been removed or something. I keep getting errors!

    Anyway, I have no idea why people are interested in cars so much. They get you from A to B ... and that's their use.
    Now, if you could get them running some of the newist games, running at Peta Hertz speeds and with Peta Bytes of memory, maybe I'd be slightly interested! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Whooo... Red socks fetish! Heh

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  12. Hey Dabido, that's where you're wrong! Cars get you from A to B WITH music! Surround stereo somemore. Maybe I should trade in my MyVi...

    FA: You don't want your Myvi? Give me.

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  13. when u have long hair, try to crawl out of the boot like Sadako from The Ring crawling out of the TV

    ReplyDelete
  14. red sox! red car! got red underwear ah?

    ReplyDelete
  15. not to mention the glowing amber lights in an audi.....that is way cooler than your conventional green....i miss my old old audi.

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  16. Car manufacturers uses alphabets & numbers to cover up previous mistakes, the more & higher the number the amendments...hahaha

    Honestly, dat car rawks!! & cost an arm with feet thrown in.

    Oh. Red sox goes with red car.... ;)

    ReplyDelete
  17. I've seen loads of pictures of models (READ: Amber Chia) being chucked in car boots for photo shoots, but I have to say, that third picture is the best one I've seen EVAH. :D:D

    Car? What car?

    ReplyDelete
  18. I haven't read the blog.. just saw the pics only...

    can u STOP being so sexy?!?!?! GRRRR!

    ReplyDelete
  19. eh all previous audi models has got the manual petrol tank cover ... when the ignition key is in, its unlocked. just press to open.

    with the key out, its practically unpryable.

    u think u can dash up a quickie in the car boot with that much of space? what position would be appropriate?

    ReplyDelete
  20. Kalamari - My CD player was stolen from my car about six or so years ago. So, my car doesn't play music.

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  21. there's something mildly erotic about that

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  22. wa, like sakai. but cute la. eh, the car la.

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  23. *phew-witt*

    You do realise FA, you have combined the top two wet dreams triggers of those red-blooded heterosexual males out there?

    CAR + HOT BABE = DREAM SCENARIO

    And btw, that whole curled-up-cosily-in-the-boot thingy certainly does get the blood racing :P

    MichelleSY

    ReplyDelete
  24. [...] I say screw the Audi and let’s have more Fireangel, eh? [...]

    ReplyDelete
  25. Heey, wasn't the first Transporter movie about a Chinese girl in the boot of a german car?

    You pulling for a Malaysian remake?

    Wahahaha.

    ReplyDelete

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