Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Shot Through The Heart and Now You're Dead.

valentines1.jpg
For Me? Aww.


So..... Valentine's Day today is it? All you suckers going to spend a lot of money on your beau hor? Why? Feeling guilty about something isit? Flirted with her best friend? Blew off a hot date with her because you were too engrossed with Grand Theft Auto on your PS2? Called her mother a stinking fat buffalo behind her back? Secretly replaced her precious 2 year old clown fish Nemo which DIED because you forgot to feed it, even after she had REPEATEDLY reminded you to, while she was away visiting relatives for a week?

Hah! I thought so.

Just because it's Valentine's Day and you love her my ass.

But seriously lah, all this Valentine's Day thingy is too hyped up. Prices of EVERYTHING quadruples. Flowers, restaurants, hotel rooms, chocolate, stuffed toys, frilly girly thingies from Memorylane, petrol, raw chicken, garlic... it's too much already I tell you. If you really "loved" (hahah. Love. HAhAHAHAH. Think I born yesterday isit? Love is as real as the tooth fairy!) somebody, EVERYDAY is freaking VALENTINE'S DAY, OKAY.

valentines2.jpg
Ohmygod I'm so cute I can't believe it!

BUT. If you people still want to DIE-DIE celebrate it anyway then, I have, in the spirit of a holiday which is NOT even a REAL holiday, painstakingly compiled a list of things which you can do FOR and WITH each other without being ass raped by greedy money sucking blood thirsty dicks of capitalism.

.....Or you could simply ignore everything I'm saying here and go straight to flaming me, my blog, how ugly I am, how unfunny I am so on so forth. It's not called flaming when it's true. It's called cruelly STATING THE OBVIOUS.

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WHAT YOU CAN DO ON VALENTINE'S DAY
(it's not that you're a cheapskate, it's because you have principles!)

Flowers which die in a day?? Designer chocolates which will make her fat? Cute stuffed toys which will be forgotten in a week and left in the corner to collect dust? Cheesy Hallmark cards? Burning holes in your pockets over overpriced, absolutely useless VDAY SPECIAL ONE DAY ONLY bullshit? DON'T BE STUPID! Here's an EVEN BETTER idea - FUCK ALL THAT. Completely ignore everything that's even remotely related to VDay! Why? It's just another goddamn WEEKDAY and you have a REAL JOB and you're not some BRAINLESS sheep succumbing to the herd's definition of "ROMANTIC", and HEY! Isn't working hard and earning money for your future and making sure that there's FOOD on the table tomorrow an even smarter, more romantic gesture godDAMNit?

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And I haven't forgot about the single people. I'm single too (because I'm ugly and etc yes I know it all. Shuddup.) and I share your happiness.

valentines3.jpg
Fuck you flowers.

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WHAT SINGLE PEOPLE CAN DO ON V-DAY
(because self-gratification is gratification too!)

We could MOST definitely just FUCK IT MMKAY? FIRST of all, it has NOTHING to do with us because we are INDEPENDENT, SELF-PRESERVING, SELF-SERVING individuals. We are goddamn ISLANDS, FUCKING IBIZAS. We are our OWN bitches! Secondly, Vday is just a another godDAMN lame attempt for happy smug couples to rub it in our faces with a "HARHAR I GOT SOMEBODY. YOU DON'T. YOU ARE SUCH A LOSER! HAR HAR!" smirk, oh my god why don't you just BURN, BITCHES! Goddamn fucking couples.

....... OR you could date me because I smell nice.

(or send me flowers)
(...or chocolates)
(...or cards)
(...or whatever)
(I'm not very picky)

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valentines4.jpg
Valentine's Day is stupid.

56 comments:

  1. happy valentine's day, woman. whee whee whee.

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  2. herrooooooo. cute brog wor. u look abit gila in the last pic. happy valentine's day! hehee.

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  3. Valentines day? Pft... February is host to bigger things. Like my birthday *shameless plug*. Haha.

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  4. Where do I line up do date you?

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  5. And you wonder why you have no date this Valentine's. :P

    FA: It's because I'm flat, right? 

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  6. your blog on valentine is very funny ! make me feel that being single is not a bad thing after all...

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  7. Self-depreciation is an admirable virtue, self-denial that you are attractive is less so.

    Facts are indeed facts… waving a kitchen knife around would not make me think otherwise.

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  8. i am single and you're too... this angel need a moskito by her side?!

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  9. I won't buy you anything don't worry.

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  10. It's all a bunch of tree hugging hippie crap!

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  11. Hehe, we'll see. One year from now, what'd you say..

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  12. we just head to the nearest bar for a drink, shall we?

    FA: Somebody give this guy an award!

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  13. For a change, I'm glad I'm in Korea where the men lay back, and wait for gifts from women with open arms...

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  14. Happy Valentines day. Shall we go out there and steal people's flowers, chocolates, tedddy bears and sell it to make some dough for booze?

    FA: We likesssss itttt.. Mister Grinch. 

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  15. "Hehe, we’ll see. One year from now, what’d you say..

    spiller at February 14th, 2006 around 11:32 am "


    Spiller is planning ONE year to court FA?

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  16. hey, the flowers you're attemping to eat are real ones or those plastic one?? if plastic remember to brush off the dust first~! :P

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  17. OMFG!!! have you taken your medication yet ??!!!

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  18. 2 items that remain the same price on V day. Booze and condoms. :D

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  19. v0ices: actually i was expecting FA to find a bf by then, and see how'd she feels then.

    FA: Find? A Boyfriend? FA? HahAHAHaaAH.... AHEAHEaEHAEHaEHA... MUEAHEaEHAEHaEAHEHA 

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  20. I will be whacking monster in Maple Story and dedicating each Monster I killed to the girl I like.

    BTW, I'm still single.

    Ciao
    LupinTan
    IGN: ArseneLupin
    Server: Bootes

    FA: And if you're wondering why.. it's probably because you PLAY Maple Story.

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  21. What you really wanted for valentine's day was a crate of hoegaarden instead, huh?

    FA: Dude, wrong blog. I think you meant to go here ----> www.suanie.net 

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  22. somebody just date her! argh~! else, she'll run amok along the golden triangle with her stainless steel 3" knife.

    We don't want that, do we?
    The other option is bring her for a drink. -Vodka Ribena.

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  23. FireAngel, HalfManHalfBiscuit is ENGLISH, can I stress that enough! You want a Colin Firth type guy from Yorkshire, then he is your man ... send him a valentines day present (just don't stick any biscuits in it).

    I'm doing my best to get you hooked up before Feb. 14 next year. Send him your orange. :-)

    Blew off a hot date with her because you were too engrossed with Grand Theft Auto on your PS2?

    Will adapt that to include the multitude of games I ahve on my PC ... don't own a PS2. Thanks for the advice.

    'Called her mother a stinking fat buffalo behind her back?'

    Does calling it to her face count?

    'Prices of EVERYTHING quadruples. Flowers, restaurants, hotel rooms, chocolate, stuffed toys, frilly girly thingies from Memorylane, petrol, raw chicken, garlic… it’s too much already I tell you.'

    okay, you dont' ahve to buy me the frilly girly things from Memorylane then ... just get me the rest ... and you can eat the chocolate, raw chicken and garlic if you like ... have no idea what they call that dish ... Chicken L'Choc or something. :-)

    'EVERYDAY is freaking VALENTINE’S DAY, OKAY.
    Ohmygod I’m so cute I can’t believe it!'


    You say that to yourself everyday, and it will seem like V-Day everyday. Self love, no one needs to lend you a hand! D'OH!

    'in the spirit of a holiday which is NOT even a REAL holiday,'

    Define Holiday? A day off work? never. A Holy Day, ? Well, it used to be till the Roman Catholic's took it out of their calendar.

    'Isn’t working hard and earning money for your future and making sure that there’s FOOD on the table tomorrow an even smarter, more romantic gesture godDAMNit?'

    Some of us don't have to work that hard.

    'We are goddamn ISLANDS, FUCKING IBIZAS.'

    I don't think I'm an Ibiza... Ibiza has scantily clad women all over it ... do you THINK I have scantily clad women all over me? No? So I am not an Ibiza ... more a Pinchgut (As you've lived in Sydney I assume you know Pinchgut island. If you don't, then I can tell you about it).

    'another godDAMN lame attempt for happy smug couples to rub it in our faces with a “HARHAR I GOT SOMEBODY. YOU DON’T. YOU ARE SUCH A LOSER! HAR HAR!” smirk,'

    I must be immune ... or maybe it's because when couples go, 'har Har, we're a couple and your not.'
    I turn around and go, 'Har har! Sucked in, have to do stuff you don't wanna cause you're a couple.'
    They normalyl run away with their tails between their legs. har har!

    'OR you could date me because I smell nice.

    (or send me flowers)
    (…or chocolates)
    (…or cards)
    (…or whatever)
    (I’m not very picky)'


    Send me an Address, I send you Tim Tam's.
    Doesn't have to be your addy, can be a friends ... you want lah?

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  24. Smug marrieds/attacheds should burn a gazillion times.

    BURRRRRRRRRRRRRN

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  25. You are hilarious! ha ha. Anyway, great blog. Agree with you on the NONSENSICAL hype surrounding Valentine's Day - it's actually JUST a money grubbing scheme by all those retailers, restaurant owners and etc. I really dislike how the mass media potray lovey-dovey BS every where i go. WTF! It's all a LIE! Wake up everyone! Listen to what Fire Angel has to say!!

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  26. get a P.O. Box gal! everyone will be sending you gifts!!!
    Renting a P.O. Box is so worth it now hehe =)

    FA: Great idea. Now I just have to wait for the "get that shameless camwhore on faism a gift because she's a pathetic lowlife" idea to catch on. Probably take another gazillion years, give or take a few trillion. ;)

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  27. Absolut or Smirnoff or Grey Goose or Ribenna?

    FA: Absolut AND Ribena. Duh.

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  28. That last picture...can I sign you up for a movie? The title is either "Valentine's Day Massacre" or "Kill Valentine". You get to wear the yellow tracksuit as well!

    FA: A Kill Bill reference. I'm like, a genius.

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  29. you are a very "rare" and "special" kind of woman...

    FA: What's up with the inverted commas? Are you REALLY saying what you're trying to say or are you saying something you absolutely do NOT mean?

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  30. raw chicken? garlic?

    car battery also! damnit!

    FA: At least not alcohol, kan? 

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  31. hey, if you think you are ugly therefore you are, because this old fellow said " I THINK THEREFORE I AM ". So, change your word now, tell the whole world you are beauty.

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  32. Psychotic-looking women brandishing sharp objects are HAWT.

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  33. Ming: there's this thing called reverse psychology

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  34. Actually, the more I look at that stabby photo, the more i think you might be perfect for a film I haven't made yet!

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  35. valentine's day is stupid is the best pic u ever had.

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  36. Hey, yeah I still remember you. You are still as angry as ever. *laughs*

    So whats new?

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  37. what's wrong with Grey Goose? u tried before?

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  38. I'm emphasizing what i meant... you are funny n witty, and also a bit weird... well in a good way. Girl's with a knife on one hand and a soft toy on another... and I thought i only get to see those in animes

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  39. Hmm, you're as cynical as I am.

    Can you please be my Valentine so that I can shove a present up your ass? Please? It'll save the kittens.

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  40. The pic with her and the knife looks like the ending of my life. -_-"

    a total deja vu

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  41. i want chocolate thanks

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  42. lol. funny funny.

    u look really really psycho. ; )

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  43. do u know what a prawn without a leg is called?

    btw.. just a thought.. u can call ur blogreaders fireangelians.. sounds cool right?!@#!@#!@#!@# - .. -

    and 'happi' valentines day

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  44. Haha...u look stupid holding the knife trying to kill the love shaped pillow.

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  45. Why is your nose always so red?.. esp the 4th photo. It looks unhealthy. pls go for a checkup before u post another photo.

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  46. well between you and my right hand, i'd rather you be my valentine anytiiiiiiime.

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  47. Hey fa, like your new blog. Love the layout; did you do it yourself (clever girl!)? Who's your host?

    I don't think vd's so great. Such a contrived, commercialised event for silly people. I blow my nose in their general direction. Besides, you only get one present (IF you have a partner). On christmas or your birthday, however... score!

    ps: the flowers look rather scary.

    FA: I'm cleverER than that. I got other people to do it for me. (thanks yo). Flowers? Cloth. 

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  48. Heh. V-Day for me was:

    BBQing in 5 degree wind chill lots of meat
    Eating with frens
    Toasting "F-V-Day!" with good wine and sake (no Hoegaarden)

    Although I'd keep kitchen utensils away from ya...

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  49. Self-depreciation is not sexy. At all.

    FA: So? 

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  50. Everyday is a valentines day for me. :) Make someone happy by saying and doing nice things for him/her. Instead of looking for Mr Right, try becoming THE Ms Right. Instead of looking for compatible partners, try compromising. Be Happy 4 Ever!

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  51. U need to get laid dear.

    However with that said, i do enjoy the way you talk smack... perhaps it's the lack thereof that makes you so damn witty.

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I disclaim all comments.