Shot Through The Heart and Now You're Dead.

For Me? Aww.


So..... Valentine's Day today is it? All you suckers going to spend a lot of money on your beau hor? Why? Feeling guilty about something isit? Flirted with her best friend? Blew off a hot date with her because you were too engrossed with Grand Theft Auto on your PS2? Called her mother a stinking fat buffalo behind her back? Secretly replaced her precious 2 year old clown fish Nemo which DIED because you forgot to feed it, even after she had REPEATEDLY reminded you to, while she was away visiting relatives for a week?

Hah! I thought so.

Just because it's Valentine's Day and you love her my ass.

But seriously lah, all this Valentine's Day thingy is too hyped up. Prices of EVERYTHING quadruples. Flowers, restaurants, hotel rooms, chocolate, stuffed toys, frilly girly thingies from Memorylane, petrol, raw chicken, garlic... it's too much already I tell you. If you really "loved" (hahah. Love. HAhAHAHAH. Think I born yesterday isit? Love is as real as the tooth fairy!) somebody, EVERYDAY is freaking VALENTINE'S DAY, OKAY.

Ohmygod I'm so cute I can't believe it!

BUT. If you people still want to DIE-DIE celebrate it anyway then, I have, in the spirit of a holiday which is NOT even a REAL holiday, painstakingly compiled a list of things which you can do FOR and WITH each other without being ass raped by greedy money sucking blood thirsty dicks of capitalism.

.....Or you could simply ignore everything I'm saying here and go straight to flaming me, my blog, how ugly I am, how unfunny I am so on so forth. It's not called flaming when it's true. It's called cruelly STATING THE OBVIOUS.

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WHAT YOU CAN DO ON VALENTINE'S DAY
(it's not that you're a cheapskate, it's because you have principles!)

Flowers which die in a day?? Designer chocolates which will make her fat? Cute stuffed toys which will be forgotten in a week and left in the corner to collect dust? Cheesy Hallmark cards? Burning holes in your pockets over overpriced, absolutely useless VDAY SPECIAL ONE DAY ONLY bullshit? DON'T BE STUPID! Here's an EVEN BETTER idea - FUCK ALL THAT. Completely ignore everything that's even remotely related to VDay! Why? It's just another goddamn WEEKDAY and you have a REAL JOB and you're not some BRAINLESS sheep succumbing to the herd's definition of "ROMANTIC", and HEY! Isn't working hard and earning money for your future and making sure that there's FOOD on the table tomorrow an even smarter, more romantic gesture godDAMNit?

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And I haven't forgot about the single people. I'm single too (because I'm ugly and etc yes I know it all. Shuddup.) and I share your happiness.

Fuck you flowers.

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WHAT SINGLE PEOPLE CAN DO ON V-DAY
(because self-gratification is gratification too!)

We could MOST definitely just FUCK IT MMKAY? FIRST of all, it has NOTHING to do with us because we are INDEPENDENT, SELF-PRESERVING, SELF-SERVING individuals. We are goddamn ISLANDS, FUCKING IBIZAS. We are our OWN bitches! Secondly, Vday is just a another godDAMN lame attempt for happy smug couples to rub it in our faces with a "HARHAR I GOT SOMEBODY. YOU DON'T. YOU ARE SUCH A LOSER! HAR HAR!" smirk, oh my god why don't you just BURN, BITCHES! Goddamn fucking couples.

....... OR you could date me because I smell nice.

(or send me flowers)
(...or chocolates)
(...or cards)
(...or whatever)
(I'm not very picky)

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Valentine's Day is stupid.