Ate Too Much Nothing Else To Do.

I've always wanted to own a hip flask because like a primary school kid sniffing glue to impress his friends, I thought owning a hip flask would make me COOL.

After much pestering, begging and threatening, I finally got that wish fulfilled.



Well, sorta.



It's so tiny, midgets can take a swim it in on a hot summers day.

It's enough for a shot of ... well.. just about anything I want to have a shot of.

The beautiful thing about this flask is that because it's so small and it looks like a cute keychain accessory, I can slip it (and its contents) into my bag........unnoticed by anyone.

Which means I now have the power to drink anything, anytime, anywhere.

I must not camwhore.
I must not camwhore.
I must not camwhore.



Oops. Hehehe.

Anyway, to proof how thankful I am and how much I love this thing...



.... I've already christened it with vodka.



So if I'm ever out with you and you catch me smiling like a maniac for no apperent reason at all, well...... there might be a tiny reason afterall.


P/S: I am aware that the powers of my camwhoring compels my current employers to perv at my site, so just to add a little disclaimer:- my smiling maniacally at the workstation for no apparent reason at all has NOTHING to do with this flask whatsoever, I smile maniacally at the workstation only because OMFG I'M ABSOLUTELY IN LOVE WITH MY JOB.

Watercolours of Ramadhan.

In case you were wondering, I just got back from a short trip to run away from everything. Work. Concrete. Civilisation. Haze. Okay, not the haze. Who am I kidding? You can never run from the haze fuck you Indonesia.

During the trip we decided to check out their local buka puasa bazaar to get us some grub for dinner. Please allow me show you (with the help of my trusty brand new SE baby) the sort of drinks they offer to unsuspecting thirsty people who waltz through bazaar with their eyes closed.

Can you even begin to guess what flavours they are? Wait, no prizes if you actually DO know what all these flavours are, you poor, blind, fuck.



Vomit green. Diluted blood. Pee. Shreds of baby.



Check out the SCARY radioactive colours on these seemingly innocent everyday drinkable beverages. Bandung? Jagung? Oren? Strawberi? Aku tak caya nie. Where is the disclaimer? "We are not responsible if your newborn turns out to be a five-legged lizard mutant due to the consumption of our wares".



Want some eye-blinding-fluorescent kryptonite juice mistah?



Purple is alien puke.... after one too many glasses of kryptonite juice.



Is that barley? Or a whole barrel of sem........



Kryptonite juice WITH milk for your daily calcium needs. Yum.
OH! CAN you see that? It's newt eyeball juice WITH REAL newt eyeballs!



Milo? Are you KIDDING ME? NO. NOT MILO. MUD maybe.

No, I didn't have the balls to try anything. If I did, I might actually GET some balls, which, contrary to what some of you sick fucks might believe, is Not A Good Thing.

That's Hot.

I stole my sister's old brick of a phone to use as a temporary replacement until I bothered to get myself a spanking new one, because, well, my old spanking new phone got stolen before.


The monster couldn't even fit in my bag properly.

But after three months of crying myself to sleep at night and throwing bricks heavenward while listening to emo songs I finally got my shit back together and got around to getting me a new phone. It's pretty damn sweet. Okay I lied. It's freaking sexy and if it was a human I would jump it, rip its clothes of and... uh.... have tea with it.

Hello Sony Ericsson w810i.


Hot.

Being a Nokiahead I'm sure I've said that I would never get anything BUT a NOkia EVAR.

Well, I lied.

I mean, I still really do want to get one of them cool N series with the sweet 3G but right now it's a little too bulky and a little too FUCKING EXPENSIVE. DAMN YOU NOKIA. WHY MUST YOU MAKE IT SO HARD ON ME. WHY?!?!?!


Strictly for comparative purposes only.

Anyway. MY w810i is sweeter than yours because it's totally like, white. WHITE okay. THE SYMBOL OF PURITY. INNOCENCE. STERILISATION. FEMINITY. PEACE DOVES.

Totally better than your boring mundane it's-not-even-a-colour-but-an-empty-space black.


Not gay

What I really LIKE about this phone is that
1. It is ridiculously sexy tiny. (3250 was as bulky as a brick)
2. It is ridiculously sexy light. (3250 was as heavy as a brick)
3. It has a ridiculous night light. (3250 doesn't have any of that shit)
4. the camera is orgasmic. (3250's camera.. huh what camera)
5. Big big screen - all the more better for me to check out.... videos.

It even came with some really gay Lee Hom images and video - which I'm sure is only available for the ASIAN phone markets. Angmoh people won't even know who the flying fuck this gay looking chink is. I mean, I'm like, Lee Hom's GREATEST FAN EVER and I REALLY WANT TO HAVE HIS BABIES, but lately he's been gayin' it up a little too much for my liking.


Yum

Took some test shots with the 2MP camera function and since I readily admit that I'm a chronic can-not-be-saved-doomed-to-an-eternity-in-hell-camwhore and have a big generous heart, I willingly sacrificed myself (and your eyes) for the greater good of this little camera test.

Pictures are not edited to correct lighting or sharpness or whatever you photoshoppers usually do to make your pictures appear prettier. I am testing the greatness of my camera here, not to showcase my lack of hotness etcetc... But I did collage it, which wouldn't effect the quality of the photos whatsoever.

Daylight, without flash:



Night, with flash:



Almost as good as a REAL CAMERA OMG. I must admit that the camera function is WAYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyyy better than my old new freaking Nokia 3250's where the pictures turn out as grainy as hell and at a certain distance, comes out distorted and off-coloured. Nokia 3250 takes absolutely SHITTY night pictures, and the "night mode" doesn't help much. SE one has flash, which pwns the Nokia's camera function upside down and makes it its bitch. What a hoe.

What I really DISLIKE about this phone is:
1. It's not as user friendly as any Nokia phone I've ever used. It's lacking so many little things I've always taken for granted with a Nokia. Maybe I'm just biased. Maybe I'm just too used to NOkia. Maybe the SE is just gay.
2. The in two built games are pathetic. One of them which I bothered trying was a gayed up version of the classic tetris which my 14 year old sister LOVE to bits, but she's 14 years old, and she worships Rihanna... so.. trust her taste? No.
3. The Walkman function is also a little gay.
4. THe Radio dunction is very prone to white noise.

5. AND MOST OF ALL [commence rant]

I FUCKING HATE THE SMS FUNCTION WITH A VENGEANCE. HOW CAN THEY WHAT THE HELL. THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! Look, I am very anal with my SMS function, as I abuse it to BITS. The average 400-500 smses a MONTH is a good indication of how FREAKING important SMSing is to me. So, no do NOT give me that crap about how it takes getting USED to BECAUSE IT TAKES MORE than the patience of a SAINT to fucking get used to it. I'll get used to it when I DIE maybe, because that's probably how LONG it'll take ME to get use to it.

First of all, the fucking keypads are so HARD even elephants would have problem trying to fucking key anything with their super duper elephant strength. I have to deliberately and forcefully hit every. single. key pad right smack in the center of it before the software can recognise the freaking letter. If I go too fast sometimes it misses the letter. If I go too slow, it just drives me MAD HULKSMASH. YEARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!11111one.

Secondly the "SPACE" button is NOT on the "0" keypad, but ON THE "#" keypad so that COMPLETELY FUCKS up my smsing rhythm (I do it without T9 because T9 is for faggots), which results in me having to ERASE A LOT which THEN leads to another PAIN IN THE ASS.

The FUCKING Erase button which is typically the "C" is NOW on the RIGHT side, NOT the left side which is normally where the "C" button was on ALL my freaking NOkias. Now the left side is saved for the almighty "Go Backwards" button so everytime I fuck up a letter (which is FUCKING OFTEN NOW WITH THESE RIDICULOUSLY UNFRIENDLY KEYPADS AS SENSITIVE AS SANDSTONES) my left thumb would instinctively press on the "Go Backwards" where it would take me to completely DIFFERENT window and my sms message would go byebye and BE GONE. Forever! Rinse! Repeat! Until I feel like smashing the fucking contraption with a sledgehammer then use the sledgehammer to smash MY head in to get rid of the stupid HEADACHE from trying to SMS. ARGH!!! INFURIATING^INFINITY!

WHY DOES IT FREAKING NEED THE "GO FUCKING BACK" BUTTON??? IT IS SO FUCKING REDUNDANT! THE "C" IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING! GO BACKWARDS. CANCEL. DELETE. ERASE. EVERYTHING! OKAY! I MEAN WHO HASN'T BEEN A FREAKING NOKIA USER BEFORE?!?! EVERYBODY AT ONE POINT OF TIME HAS BEEN A NOKIA USER! SO STICK WITH WHAT WORKS! WHY FIX SOMETHING WHEN IT ISN'T BROKEN STUPID FUCKED UP TRY HARD I WANT TO BE DIFFERENT FROM THATOTHER PHONE BRAND NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES EVEN IF IT MEANS SACRIFICING THE USER FRIENDLINESS OF PHONE BECAUSE WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT USERS THEY'LL JUST BUY ANYTHING WE SHIT OUT TO THEIR FACES ANYWAY ARRRRGGGHhhhh!!!!

[end rant]

Oh god. I have a headache now.

Funny thing was, I did have a go with the keypads on a friend's similar model. I thought it was alright then, but I forgot about testing it for SMSing.... hahaha... totally asking for it. What a dumbass. Sigh.



Anyway.

Despite my over the top bitchings about that bit, I still like my phone though. It's still pretty fucken sweet. I only bitch about things I'm fond off. It's when I'm indifferent about it, that's when it should be shitting steel.

Kthx!

A Play and A Pill

Caught a play called fiftynineminutes by TheOralStage. The same folks who brought us Rojak.

Fiftynineminutes is basically a collection of 7 original plays (written and directed by group members) lasting a total of surprise surprise, 59 minutes. I checked my watch and it actually went on for a little over and hour actually. But because I'm so nice, I won't ask for my money back.

The plays were: Best Foot Forward, Mother Tongue, Fruitcake, Showers of Flowers, Track, The World’s Smelliest Durian, and The Ground Floor.



My favourite play of the night was The World's Smelliest Durian. Johann Lim was freaking awesome. It was in your face. It mocked. It was clean. Evrybody could relate to it. And it made everybody laugh. It was great. I wish there was more of these. They really needn't try too hard with drama. Comedy, humour, and poking fun of current issues and our culture works very well. I loved this!



Wai Yee put up a commendable performance in Mother Tongue, where she effortlessly switched between 3 accents. The plot of the play itself was a bit vague, and the ending a little confusing. But it was quite enjoyable to watch her do her thing. She did it well. And she was hot too. Freaking jailbaits.

Some of the plays were disturbing. Everytime someone screamed I felt really uncomfortable. Some overacted. Some were too stiff. But overall, it was a great effort! They really put in a lot of heart and time in this, and made some of us nostalgic. KY couldn't stop bragging about his time as a student 10 years ago, where he too participated in such plays himself, never mind that he's told us the same story for like about 4927 times already.

Five of them were abstract, interpretative pieces. Personally I have never been a fan of artsy interpretative pieces. It's like I hate Picasso's abstract paintings where he would modify a person's face a call it art, and then urge the audience the interpret what was going on his mind where he shifted the eye to the mouth or the ear to the nose. I would throw that trash out and put him back to kindergarten. Or how about when the camera focuses on a floating plastic bag in the middle of the street in a movie. For five minutes. That's complete bullcrap aimed to pad up the movie. For SPM essays where we had to find the "makna tersirat" (cryptic message) of a certain passage, I always made up some bullshit about the writer's emotion and his wish to kill himself - which is always almost right. So yeah. Never a fan. But you might like it though.

Do you know how old they are? The average age of the group is 21-22, the youngest being 18. And the oldest (only 2 of them), 26. DAmn ridiculous. Makes me feel ancient. And ashamed. I should stop blogging.

YOU WISH!

The good news is that it's only RM10!!! Where can you get ANYTHING for RM10 ANYMORE!?!? And they even throw in a free programme too! What a freaking steal! If you are a student this is PERFECT for you, because....

"TOS was founded in 2004 with the simple goal of making theatre more accessible to youth. A growing nonprofit theatre company, TOS serves as a hub for young, aspiring thespians from all walks of life. "

More Details:
When? September 28th - October 1st 2006 @ 8.30 pm
Where? The Dram Projects, BG06 Happy Mansion Apartments, Jalan 17/13 46400 PJ
Contact: Louisa Low @ 0163757833

Others:
KYSpeaks

***************************************************

Let's get back to me. Last night DURING dinner I was drowned in a wave of exhaustion. I was eating, and putting things in my mouth and suddenly my brain went "Dude. Sleepy. Go sleep now." So I went to bed. At 8.30pm. Apperently the rest of the body did NOT get the message from the brain so it decided that it would play a game of tossing and turning on the bed instead of sleeping, while the brain was on shut down mode.

I got up and popped a pill. This pill was prescribed to me by my panel of doctors, because I've complained to them about how I always take a few hours to actually fall asleep, no matter how tired I am. This pill which was prescribed to me is called Stilnox, and it's supposed to make me sleep. Well, let me tell you something, Stilnox is Very Bad Shit. Very. Bad. Shit.

I swallowed that thing, and it took effect about what felt like after 30 minutes. I felt like I was drowsing off. Then there was a floating feeling. Then the room moving feeling. Then colours under my closed eyelids. A whirlwind of colours. It made me dizzy. Then complete blackness. Until the next morning.

It knocked me out completely. I wasn't sleeping. I passed out. When I woke up I didn't even felt like I slept a wink. I saw myself in the mirror and my eyebags were there, as prominent as ever, hello Panda.

The freaky thing was, I received a phonecall during my comatose period. My phone recorded that it was a 1 minute over call. I called this person back again and asked if I actually had a conversation with him. Yes, he said. But you sounded bad. I said, I have no recollection of our phonecall. AT ALL. NO sense of familiarity. Nothing. The weirder thing was my phone was pretty damn far away from the bed. I had to get up. Walk to the phone. Answer it. Walk back to bed. Go back to sleep. But. I. Had. No. Memory. Of. This. Happening. EvAr.

My conclusion is that, Stillnox is Very Bad Shit. Anything which makes me forget what happens the night before is Very Bad Shit. It does not in any way make you feel good at any point of time. It did NOT help me with sleep. Putting me into coma does NOT equate to putting me to sleep. If your doctors ever prescribe something like that to you, shove it up their arses and walk away. That is all.

A Camwhoring Competition? Jackpot!

So I was at Smashp0p's to get my usual weekly dose of male camwhoring pictures and what did I find?

A freaking camwhoring competition.

And what do the winners of that camwhoring competition win?

1st - A freaking Sony T30 camera
2nd - A freaking 4Gb Ipod

And how does one win it? First, the camwhorer has to send in a picture of him/herself. THen the camwhore will have to con people into voting for him/her. Then other people will have to log in to the website and vote like crazy for that camwhore. Then the camwhore sits back and waits. And hopes. And prays. And begs for people to vote some more.

There's even a prize for the top voter, a freaking Ipod Nano 2Gb.

If those aren't freaking delicious carrots to us barnyard of donkeys, I don't know what is.

I want the damned camera or Ipod. And I'm willing to camwhore for it. I've been willing to camwhore for a LOT less (or nothing) so yeah these prizes are a freaking BONUS!!!11one.

But the thing is, the Leo ego in me don't want to be participating in a competition where the Leo ego would get beaten down into a messy pulp with a big spiked stick of a troll. So, because the Leo Ego is a prude and doesn't want to take chances of being a bigger, desperate lamer that it already is (its owner keeps a blog? AND camwhores on it? hello?), the Leo Ego tied up its owner while threatening to forcefeed her with locally brewed beer to make her create a poll especially for all five of you and the other quadrillian robots out there as a gauge to see if its owner has even an atom of a chance to win anything.

If there's gonna be any shredding of my Leo ego, name-calling, or the threatening comments to eat my sister's hamsters, I rather it be here than in some obscure private forum with its members primarily consisting of 16 year old pimply pizza-faced boys who jerk off to just about everything that moves (breathing optional) and laugh at Jim Carrey's old fart jokes.

I appreciate the honesty.

For more information about that camwhoring competition, once again it's HERE.

So here's the poll. Knock yourselves out!

Shameless Camwhoring Plug
Would you spend 15 minutes a day to vote?	Yes. I am a disgruntled employee and I firmly believe in maximising internet usage at work. Yes. Other than killing small forest creatures with a boomerang, I have nothing else better to do anyway. Yes. It's more interesting than watching penguins march across the Antarctic Yes. Because you are a pathetic, shameless, camwhore and I like pathetic, shameless camwhores. No. I have better things to do, like jerking off to National Geographic. No. I rather spend my time watching AND jerking off to penguins marching across the Antarctic No. You are lame. Your existance disgust me. Your website is pitiful. I wish you'd die already. I only F5 your website every 5 minutes to see if you're finally DEAD, loser. Yes. [Insert own explanation here]. No. [Insert own explanation here].
	Current Results

And while you're at it, maybe you could generously suggest how I should go about camwhoring. What positions. With what. Wearing what. Doing what. Anything goes. Except losing my clothes.

Thank you very much for your kinda co-operation. Your participation in this poll will greatly contribute to my self-gratification.

Update: Nope. Not doing it. Decided that I still have some atomic shreds of dignity left afterall.... and I got lazy.

Out Of My Mind. So Here's A Video.

Video:

View it at your own risk blah blah blah not responsible if you die yadda yadda I don't really give 2 fucks anyway etc etc etc....




And of course,

I. Just. Had.To. Camwhore.

Roald Dahl Rocks My Socks.

Once, there were 2 little girls who decided to spend some time at a bookstore. They were sisters. One sister was little in height but not in age. The other sister was little in age, but not in height.

It was an enormous bookstore, filled with racks of books that went on forever, drowned in the never-ending sea of people made from all sorts of shapes, sizes, and colours.

As the sisters were glancing and browsing about at the mind-boggling number of books on display, they chanced upon a table. They had passed by a few other tables like this before. These tables were used to promote the many works of an author of the bookstore’s choice.


Amalkanlah Sifat Suka Membaca!

The particular table that the sisters chanced upon was covered in a pastel satin cloth (more to hide the messy piles of books stocked underneath the table than aesthetic purposes), and on top of it, a whole mountain of books. Thin. Thick. Hardcovers. Paperbacks. Boxed gift sets. Special editions. Every book cover was gaily illustrated in bright happy coloured pictures of simple, but oddly drawn images of people and animals which are no doubt the main characters of the book.

It was promoting the works of the sister’s (the one who was little in height) favourite childhood author. Memories of her childhood flooded her heart. The other sister looked at her funny because her sister had a funny look on her face.

Above the table hung numerous, round, Styrofoam cut outs which were plainly decorated with simple but oddly drawn images of people and balloons on it, just like on the book covers. Beside the table there was a large poster. It wrote that the bookstore was offering free button badges to people who bought a book from that author of that display table. Just one book, any book at all, but only from that author.


Happy Birthday RD!

It wasn’t just any free button badge. It was a commemoration button badge in celebration of that author. 13 September was the author’s day, it printed, in an all-too-familiar scrawl. The badge itself was plainly decorated with simple but oddly drawn images of people and balloons on it.

The sister who had the funny look on her face finally decided that she HAD to buy a book from that table! So what if 13 September had come and gone? So what if she was already 26? She didn’t care! He was her favourite writer! She grew up reading most of his books! It was a FREE BUTTON BADGE DAMNIT!

So she bought the book, redeemed the badge and she was happy!

Oh the joy which are derived from such simple things!


Mine. My only. My precious.

The end.

OMGWTFBBQSHITZZZZZZ!!!!!!111oneoneone

Shit. I accidentally found out who the winner of Rockstar Supernova is.

It's only like EVERYFUCKINGWHERE on the bloody |nT3rN3T!!!1111one.

YEARGHHHHHH PISSED OFF!!

*TURNS TO HULK! SQUISHES THE INTERNET WITH BIG GREEN FEET!*

Please, boys of Wikipedia, let me introduce you to this whole new wonderful & exciting place beyond the front door of your house called OUTSIDE.

Damn you fuckers! Do something ELSE with you life OTHER THAN SITTING IN FRONT OF THE TV AND PC 24-7!!!!!

Sigh.

I hate the internet. No, no no. That's not right. I DO love it. But I hate it. I love hating it? NO, I hate loving it.

Ah who cares. I'm still gonna watch it tonight anyway since, you know, I'm this sad, pathetic excuse of a human being with no social life whatsoever, destined to die old and alone only to be found weeks later half eaten by her legion of hamsters.

And since I'm ranting,

WHEN THE HELL IS MY KAKASHI GAIDEN GONNA START?!?!? WHY IS IT STILL ON THE GAY FILLERS AFTER 12 FUCKING MONTHS?!?!?! WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT ALL THESE BADLY DRAWN FUCKING PEASANTS FROM THEIR PATHETIC WARTHORN COUNTRIES WHO ARE FOREVER FIGHTING OVER THE STUPIDEST THINGS LIKE A PIECE OF ROCK! OR A DISGUSTING BUG! OR WHATEVER!!!! MASASHI KISHIMOTO WOULD YOU STOP WANKING TO MIDGET ON CRUSTACEAN BUKKAKE PORN ALREADY AND GET ON WITH THE PROGRAM!

AND WHY THE HELL IS BLEACH STILL ON THE FUCKING VAMPIRE FILLER BULLSHIT NOBODY GIVES TWO FUCKS ABOUT?!?!?! I WANT TO SEE ICHIGO ASSWHOPPING THAT TRAITOROUS TWO FACED BITCH AIZEN WITH HIS FUCKING GINORMOUS BANKAII ALREADY FOR FUCK SAKES DO I REALLY NEED TO WAIT FOR MY GRANDCHILDREN TO SPAWN YOUNGLINGS BEFORE THIS EVER HAPPENS?!?!?

YEARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

*Turns green. Squishes japan with bare hands*

I think I will go home and play Warcraft again. Just to kill humans.

Sigh.

Hammie Fun Fact

I bought my sister a pair of hamsters for her birthday because I am the greatest sister of ALL time.

She loves them more than she loves me.

Sigh.

Anyway, as a community service to all you hammie noobs out there, here is a fun fact extracted from Wikipedia.

Most hamsters originate from Russia.

The desert is the hamsters' natural habitat.



Therefore, a sand bath can provide hamsters with entertainment.



Hamsters like their sand baths very,



VERY,



much.

They could be very tasty too.

Kthx.

Is This A Joke?

Because it's as funny as sticking a cactus up my nostril.

Look what I found HERE.

Best Malaysia Blog

The nominees for best Malasia Blog Q1 2006/2007 are as follows:

* BlackJetta
* Cheeserland
* Clueless Person’s Lair
* Desidarata
* Fireangelism < ---- WTF ?!?!?
* kurtlow.com
* myAsylum
* MySabah
* Quaintly
* TV Smith’s Dua Sen

You will be required to rank all of the nominated sites so please review all of them before proceeding.

E-mail registration is required to participate. Your address will not be sold, given away or used for spamming. All collected addresses wil be destroyed within one month after the close of polling.

The poll will be launched shortly. Please take the time to review the nominated sites.

September 5th, 2006

So what do I get if I win this thing? Riches? Fame? Harem of virile sturdy boys? A spanking new Mini Cooperr? A holiday villa in Italy? A keg of whiskey? My URL tatooed on your asses?

Okay, seriously, who the hell nominated me for this? There are only five real readers here, don't think I didn't know that the rest of you are robots. Somebody do some owning up REAL quick I tell ya.

WHAT? You think you'll get away with this? That I'll NEVER find out? YOU WERE WRONG.

What are you BLIND? Or out of your bloody MIND? Or blind AND out of your bloody mind?

You KNOW I'll NEVER win this. Fireangelism is a silly, shameless, camwhoring, self-indulging, hair-brained, pointless, time wasting, intelligence-free, zero-productivity-at-work-inducing site which....... hmmm.....wait a minute, some of you sickfuckers actually have a penchant for this kinda shit don't you? I might actually WIN this won't I? I mean if all five of you sickfuckers actually got together and.... OH WHO THE HELL AM I KIDDING HERE.

So who is responsible for this already? I promise I won't send my band of mercenary blood-thirsty, kitten-eating ninjas to swiftly and quietly annihilate you, your family, your pet fishes and your dog in the middle of your sleep or anything like that. Promise. With a cherry on top.

Wait. This is getting crazy. I didn't mean to go all batshit insane like that. What I actually meant to do was thank you. And as you can see, I'm not entirely very good with this whole thanking... thing. This really IS quite flattering. So...yeah.

Thank you.

Sickos.