Brain Diarrhoea

So I was sitting at Mcdonald’s eating my Bubur Ayam McD and drinking my ice cold Ribena by myself while waiting for a couple of people to satisfy their obsession with that Digby girl.

Oh yes I was there. But only for 5 minutes before I rubbished it to have my dinner. So many people. Too many people. Screaming. Kids. So many kids. Shouldn’t they be at home studying for their exams? Bodies squeezing against each other. Pushing. I’m too old for this nonsense. I’m tired and hungry. I’ve spent too long at work to enjoy crushing myself with the crowd to watch some random chick sing live in the middle of a shopping mall. Is it worth going through all that for 1.5 hours just to catch a glimpse of her singing a couple of songs? Truth is, I’ve never fancied her. I didn’t like that she or whoever who was responsible for her took no action to correct the masses conception that she was some raw undiscovered talent who happened to put her own version of Rihanna’s grating, soul-sucking Umbrella on Youtube.come, when the truth is that she is already discovered and is already a signed artist. Granted she never said that she wasn’t, but inactions to correct a misconception is still a deception. So screw her. She isn’t all that fantastic anyway. Fantastic talent? Right. Singer/guitar players are a dime in a dozen. The only thing that really sets her apart is that she is young and very easy on the eye, which of course means $$$$$$$$$ in the entertainment business. Fantastic talent? Hah. Let me see you play that guitar with your feet while you’re upside down and suspended mid-air lah tiu.

Oops. Didn’t mean to sound bitter. Please don't flame me.

Bubur Ayam McD is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Who would’ve thought that McD's was capable of making something so delicious and dare I say it, almost healthy? I was so sceptical when they first introduced this on their menu. I thought it would taste like plastic. Or cardboard. Or salt water. Or styrofoam. How can McD's get THIS one right? Even some hotels fuck it up, what more a fastfood chain? I thought the rice in the porridge wouldn’t actually BE rice. I thought they would use dehydrated fake veges and meat like instant noodles in a cup would. But I was so wrong. The moment the first spoonful of Bubur Ayam of my life made contact with my mouth, I knew in that instant that my life would never be the same again. Once you open the cover of the styrofoam container and the rush of vapour rising out of the steaming porridge hits your nose – that’s when you realise that it is Just. Like. Porridge. And it smells SO GOOD. Chopped spring onions, tiny bits of chicken meat (not "juicy chicken strips" as advertised, they lied but i'll let that slide), fine slices of ginger, white pepper, diced red chilly, fried shallots, atop a bowl of thick gooey porridge, fused together to create a beautiful symphony of aroma which reminds you of home. As you take your first bite of your bubur ayam, you’ll smile and cry while you thank the heavens that men are still capable of inventing mind-blowing perfection. Right here. On a fastfood menu.

Do you have an issue with eating alone? Well, it isn’t at the top of my list of favourite things to do but if I don’t have a choice I don’t mind it too much, provided I have something to entertain myself with and that something is usually a reading material. However, last night at McD’s I didn’t have any, and couldn’t be arsed to buy a reading material just to keep me company, so it was just me and my food. So I sat down with my tray of my mouth-watering goodness of bubur ayam which I couldn’t wait to get my mouth on and an icy-cold Ribena (drink of Gods). Lost in my own thoughts. Recollecting what I did for the day. Planning what I should do the next day. Thinking how orgasmic my bubur is. Wondering how I should update my blog. Looking forward to moving into my new division. Thinking that I really should get more sleep. With so many things in your head it’s really easy to forget that you’re eating by yourself in a fastfood restaurant, until the other people start staring, double-taking. Triple-taking. With that weird expression on their faces. Pity? I don't know.

One night, when I was at a restaurant with a few people and we saw a guy eating by himself. Somebody quipped “please don’t let me catch you ever doing this. It’s just so sad” – it made me wonder if those people who were staring at me were thinking or even talking among themselves about what I sad person I was. I didn’t like that. People judging other people just because they choose to or didn’t have to choice but to eat by themselves. What’s the problem? Am I intruding in your space? Does my presence disturb you? Am I stealing too much of your oxygen? Do I stink? Please stop looking at me like I’m some alien freak with a horn above my head and green scales. I’m just minding my own business and eating my bubur ayam you dickheads. Strange thing is that this phenomenon of “people looking at you weird when you eat alone” only happens in Malaysia though. When I was in Australia, it’s perfectly okay. Nobody stares, everybody minds their own business. Our people have some serious issues man.

One of the things I thought about while stuffing my face with bubur were priorities. My priorities and other people’s priorities. For some reason, maybe because of my needy character, other people’s needs and wants would come first before mine. Not all the time, most times. Especially for loved ones. I would go out of the way to please them, make them happy. I thought it makes me happy and appreciated, making them happy. I always had a misconception that if I put them as my priority, I would by default, be their number one priority as well. Obviously that is never true. I think it’s inherent human nature for people to only make you their priority when they need you or when they feel like it, but never consistently by default. I still have to come to terms with that. Admittedly I also have problems with managing my expectations about other people. I keep having to tell myself that I shouldn’t feel disappointed when I am not appreciated accordingly or made to feel like I'm the best shit that was ever created by god (cue fanfare and crashing of cymbals). Must be the Leo ego. Many people have said this to me, and I still have yet to internalise this; I should always be my number one priority. Everybody else comes after me, no matter who, no matter what. I have to love myself before others can love me. I have to be happy with me before I can be happy with anyone else. So simple, yet so difficult to do.

Feeling rather grumpy and out of focus. It’s from the combination of 1) lack of rest and 2) annoying huge ulcer near my throat which makes it difficult for me to swallow or even open my mouth without feeling some form of excruciating pain.

I'm salivating just thinking about the Bubur Ayam I had last night. Yum. Must be the damn MSG.

To end this on a happy note, being held to sleep by a loved one has to be the best feeling in the whole wide world. :)