Round and a Round and a Round We Go.

This post is inspired by PMS and champagne.

Not too long ago, this post would've been about me freaking out. Freaking out about not meeting my so-called, obliged life KPIs. You know, the whole thing about getting a great job that pays you shitloads, getting married, having kids.

The old me would've shook my head and asked myself WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE.

The old me would've freaked out whenever someone is against whatever I'm doing - be it a friend, or a family.

The old me would've felt the clock ticking, because I want to get hitched and have that kid now. and I'm desperately clinging on to relationships that barely work.

The new me is like, fuck that. If it doesn't happen maybe it isn't meant to be. I ain't gonna settle for any piece of shit.

I look around me and I've realised that people who went through conventional paths of life aren't necessarily happier or better. In fact, they could be in worse shape. There's nothing to envy because everybody chooses their own paths, their lives are different. Just because it could work for them, doesn't mean it could work for me.

Detractors' lives aren't a bed roses either - so really why should I feel upset when they question my life? I'm done with people judging me. Telling me that I should get a REAL job. Feeling bad for me because i'm still "single". Telling me I should be this, or doing that.

Thanks for caring. I love advise and encouragement. But please, keep the pity party and the high horse to yourself. Just because I do not walk down your path does not make me wrong. Or a failure.

Really, I rather be alone for the rest of my life, than "settle" for average just because I'm "supposed to".

Really, I rather be jumping jobs for the rest of my life, rather than having "blind loyalty" just because I'm "supposed to".

Maybe I'm destined to be alone for the rest of my life. Maybe I'm destined to be a nomad.

Yes sometimes it REALLY gets to me - when people are judgemental or hard or negative. But I tell myself now that it's because they truly care. Not because they are malicious... and I feel better. Of course there are days when it gets harder. But it's all in my head, really. It's all within my control.

I've wasted at least 6 years of my life at deadbeat jobs and relationships. I've had enough of mediocrity. I will not waste anymore time than I have to. I will do, and when I am done, I will stop. I won't stick around out of "social obligation". What does that term even mean?

As long as it doesnt hurt anyone, I'm going to keep doing what makes me happy. I'm going to keep learning. I'm gonna keep experiencing. I'll be done when I say I'm done.

Because as long as I'm happy, nobody can tell me I'm not.

Shit, I'm pretty sure when I read this back tomorrow, I won't understand what I've said. lol.

Goodnight world.

Any time spent at regret is wasted time. Be happy. Be at peace.

Into 3 Weeks

This is my third week of the new job. too many words running in my head to describe how it is so far. But it is a combination of the following:

overwhelming
intriguing
exciting
scary
lost

I had a huge cultural shock when i joined. This environment is completely alien to me and I can only be thankful that my past 10 years of colourful working experiences has given me some tools and knowledge to sort shit out on my own, sort of/

I have to admit that there has been more than once which I have doubted my decision. More than once I wanted to throw in the towel. More than once I had to calm myself down when I was at the verge of being in tears. More than once I have thought about how it would be if I had just taken up the other more comfortable,  familiar opportunity. More than once I just wanted to stay in bed from mental and physical exhaustion wondering what madness is this for committing myself into something as nutty as this. I realise that it's because I want to keep on learning. Keep on doing and experiencing new things. This is of course to the detriment of my career path, salary, and possibly added stress - but what is the meaning of life if you're not going to be challenged by something new every now and then? Where's the fun in the mundane, the safe, and the mechanical routine? I totally wanted this, and nothing is ever perfect.

And then there are times, like tonight, when I feel like the decision I made is completely spot on. Look, if I never had the chance to do this, I will never had to push myself out of my comfortable zone  - I would never have had to force myself to meet people, learn to communicate, learn to be human. I am forced to read people, to understand them, to try and anticipate them. So much opportunity to observe and absorb. I am constantly surrounded by salespeople. I used to hate salespeople - to me they talked too much are are never honest.. and now I'm starting to realise why they have to be what they are. And now I have a newfound respect for them. Sometimes people have to do what they have to do to get the job done. Hate the game. Don't hate the player. If I had my cushy cubicle job, I will never have so much opportunity to learn and observe ... people. We are such fascinating creatures. :) That being said, I can never be com

I will keep reminding myself to be grateful to all the help I've been getting from my new found colleagues. Not all of them are as readily helpful -- and that's something I need to learn to overcome. But I at awe at how some people are just so, unselfish, self sacrificial, and generous.
At least for now. I'm going to take everything at face value because there's no other reason to doubt kindness.

So I guess the only left to say is - BRING IT ON. If it doesn't kill me I'm just gonna keep kicking ass.

Checking In after a 2.5 months sabbatical

Man. It's been over 2.5 months since I left my last real job. How time flies! In my mind, I had of a list of a bunch stuff I was supposed to do during this sabbatical, so I'm checking in to see if I've met it.

1. Read

- The hobbit (re-read, after watching the movie)

- Personality Plus (a very interesting book about different type of personalities which was very enlightening - I'm learning to be more tolerant of others, or at least, i'm trying to lol.)

- Terry Pratchet's Soul Music (WIP)

- Terry Pratchet's Going Postal (mindless, witty, fun)

- Neil Gaiman's Fragile Things (weird, short stories)

- Thinking, Fast & Slow (WIP)

2. Spend more time with family and friends.

I think I did okay with the family part - helped with a lot of errands ie, groceries, chauffeuring. 

I think I could've done more with the friends part, but the good thing is that I have met nearly everyone I've wanted to meet in the past 2 months... Except for the ones who are overseas. :(

3. Take trips

Penang makan trip - trips to penang are never bad.

Danang - heard that airasia was gonna axe the flight and was convinced to go. Interesting trip. Lots of vietnamese food and beer, and excellent company - so all in all, good. Key learning is that I should really do proper in-depth research before embarking on a trip to any third world countries that speak in a foreign language. 

4. Get a job by March.

Well, I got a part time gig bartendering for the past month which was super awesome. Satisfying but exhausting. Very eye opening too, but I will have to cut down or eventually stop because.... I will be starting a spanking brand new job on the 18. I'm super scared to be honest. I've always worked for big corporates. I'm going to embark on a new journey with a tiny company run by chinamen... which is virtually a startup. Scared shitless. I will keep an open mind and heart because I chose to accept this job.

5. Pursue my passion

With the part time job I guess I did just that. :) Could've done more though. I still aspire to complete the IBA cocktail list by end of the year, update that blog, memorise classic recipes and learn bit of functional flaring because it seriously looks fucking pro and good - especially to the untrained eye of customers. 

6. Catch up on sleep.

I think I did enough of this to last me a year lol. And does loads of veging in front of the telly count? hehehe.

7. Sign up for dance. 

Signed up for 2 levels of salsa, one after another. But I think I won't be pursuing it anymore. While nobody enjoys dancing more than I do, this dance style is just too social for me. I prefer the one-way-performance only sort. I was to sign up for those classes, but never got around to... I hope I can after I settle down with some sort of a routine with the new job.

8. Gym.

Oooops. Didn't do enough of that. :P

All in all I think I did great. :) I haven't even been drinking much these 2 months. My alcohol tolerance level has dropped to a negative hundred I swear. 

Throughout these 2 months I've learnt so much, discovered things about myself and of others and met all sorts of interesting characters. Life and people have been very good to me and I'm so thankful. :))) it has been an awesome ride. There has been ups and downs but hey i'm gonna not dwell on the down. And I'm gonna keep doing better and badder, hehe.

Above all, I learnt that if I am patient enough, worry less, be a little more positive, smile a lot more, trust a little more - things will eventually turn out okay.

Now to brave on to the next chapter of my life. 

Wishing you love and happiness, always. :) 

Taking a Break From Real Life. :)

By that I mean, I haven't gotten a real job yet since mid December last year.

The plan was to take some time off and to well, get in touch with my LIFE, get sick of that, then get back to work again like that mad dog I am.

So what have I been up to?

Spending time with the family
Running errands with and for the family
Spending time with friends by catching up on food and drinks.
Pursuing my really expensive hobby
Going on holidays
Making new friends
Getting into adventures
Waking up late
Going to the gym
Not going to the gym enough
Eating and drinking enough lol

Loving every minute every second of it.

I've never been so calm, happy, contented and at peace in the past decade as I have now.

But the clock is ticking and the saving's accounts is nudging. That ticking at the back of my head getting louder already. So gotta get on with seriously getting a job... if not for anything, but at least to pay the bills. So that has to happen pretty soon. :)

Well, things have been quiet here lately because I've been up to no good. *grin* No lah, just that I'm putting some time into making my hobby into a reality, I hope... if you don't have a clue what I'm saying yet, say hello to

angeltini.com 

i'm also blogging too :) Been spending a lot of time researching about related matters, if I was paid for this I don't mind doing this as a real job.

Truth be told, have actually been trying to look for a part time job to pursue this but what I've found is that for an entry level, the pay is not enough to even pay 1/10 of my bills. So, the only way it can work out is that if I find a proper job that pays the bills and then pursue this part time... that's the hope. :)

So that's my life's update in a nutshell.

Till the next post, wishing you excellence and happiness. :)

Exciting Times

Been busy past week trying to prep for my first paid gig to make drinks at a friend's birthday party.

Lots of hard work and after I was done, I was aching all over and it took me about 2 days to recover from it. But it was so much fun and quite fulfilling  I guess this is how it feels like to be doing something you really enjoy doing. I could do this every weekend (I would like to say everyDAY but the body is not willing lol).

A lot of people to thank for this. The perpetrator of course, his friend, and all the help I got and well wishes from friends and family. There was so many things that could've gone wrong, but it didn't. It wasn't smooth either but it went pretty okay. It was great, really. Thankful and grateful!

If I keep my mind open and throw away the fear, perhaps it could be a start to something... :)

Going with the Flow

2013 has been an interesting start so far.

I feel different. I think it comes from me trying to keep my mind open, and working on not saying no too quickly.

Just last year, I would've never thought about quitting my job without a next job in place.... but why not?

Just last year, the moment someone gave me an idea to do something I would never thought about doing, my first answer will be a no. Or that's rubbish. Or that could never happen to me. Or I'll never be able to do that. .... but why not?

Just last year, I had a secure job with a secure pay and was in the comforts of my own little world which I "knew".... but I don't know what I don't know!

Now I find myself in this strange place I've never been to before - uncertainty and the unknown.

And I'm totally enjoying the ride.

I'm starting to get really picky about what I want out of my life. And I'm starting to understand that I am me. And what I am while not perfect, is great. That I don't need to be anyone else. I don't want to be anyone else any more. That I don't have a give a fuck about what others have to say about me, or the labels they put on me. Stick and stones, man.

People will come and go in my life, that is true. But that does not mean I should not open my heart and my mind to people, no matter how briefly. Why reject people or their ideas? There's always something new to learn and experience with anyone and everyone.

I don't know where the road will lead me and I am honestly scared shitless, but I keep telling myself that if I hang on to the boat long enough, the current's bound to take me someplace.

Besides, I've been told that it's the journey that matters, not quite the destination.

Everything I'm learning about life is in the journey.

Smile a little more.

Care a little more.

Living is great.

Knowing What I Love.

I love music. I don't have a nice voice and I'm not great at playing instruments. But when a good song goes on I can feel it running through my skin, pumping the blood in my veins, it drives me wild. I get the tingles, and I need to move. I wouldn't really classify it as dancing per se, more like someone getting some kinda epilepsy attack .... but hey you know what? I don't care what people say or think. How can one just sit down quietly and  not move when good music is on? When the music is good, moving is the only way I know how to enjoy it. I can't contain it.

I love dance. I get inspired every time I see a musical, or some dance routine on youtube or one of those reality shows or even the silly dance movies. I fucking love it with every fibre of my being. I love watching it, experiencing it. I love moving. The expressions and emotions conveyed through motion. Oh how I feel what they feel. My heart beats so hard. My lungs want to explode. I feel so giddy. I fucking love dance.

I love booze. The drinking, the making of, the history, observing how other people react to it. I love how it tastes. Oh and how it tastes! I love how it's such a great social tool to break any ice. I love how there are so many mind boggling varieties on this planet, and how there is endless possibilities with them. I love it whenever I find something I personally like. Or how perfectly it can be paired with food, the weather, dynamics of an event. It's so exciting what one can do with it. It's so exciting to know that there's gonna be that single malt that's gonna hit the spot. Or to find oh my god, that is the most perfect tasting cocktail (hardly happens here). And really, there's just no greater joy than to make drinks for people and watch them get high and happy over it. :)

I love writing, reading and clever, witty scripts. Sometimes I hear a cleverly written script and I go batshit insane excited. Oh the sheer genius. Oh the wit! I love the infinite possibilities of weaving words together so that it tells a story. In different emotions. In different tones. In different voices and scenarios. Tugging at your heart strings, making you laugh, making you cry. Making you think. Transporting you to the wonder of your imaginations. Of science. Of facts. Of Art. Of History. Of How tos and whys.

Now if only I was brilliant at the things I love and can find a way to make tonnes of money from it. :)

Get Out There

It's too easy to pass judgement, get disappointed by other people, or to put yourself in a position to be hurt by other people.  It's too easy to slink back into my own shell, under the covers, in the lovely company of my own and just stay away from all that. It's so easy to not want to be socialable.

But we were made to be sociable creatures for a reason. Survival. It is as natural as breathing. To deny oneself of socialising is to deny one from living.

I need to stop making excuses. Get out there.

Because there's so much to hear.
So much stories to live vicariously in.
So much to learn.

Just by being with people. Just by being among them.

What I'm saying is that I'm glad I made the decision to not "feel tired" to go home. Instead, decided to drive out to meet up with the girls at yumcha yesterday. It was super fun, enlightening and inspiring.

Need to get my ass out there and stop rejecting offers to go out.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

Image credit: Official website

It's finally here.  Yes it's been nearly 10 years! Can you believe that The Return of the King was aired back in 2003? Man I was still in my 20s. :/

Being a huge fan of the so-called "trilogy" and the book, this prequel did not disappoint.

It almost felt like a reunion whenever I see a familiar old face. Gandalf! Frodo! Elrond! Galadriel! Saruman! Gollum!

Each dwarf, and there are 13 of them this time haha - Thorin (the boss!), Gloin (hello Gimli's dad!), Oin, Balin, Dwalin, Bofur, Bifur, Kili, Fili, Dori, Nori, Ori, Bombur, each of them looked distinctively different. Had half expected them to all look like Gimli haha. Like how all elves kind of looked the same.

Image credit: nerdbastards.com

Martin Freeman was an awesome Bilbo, except I can't forget his role in Love Actually as the porn extra having fake sex with the female porn extra LOL. No idea why that scene stuck in my head when I have also seen him being brilliant in BBC's Sherlock Holmes, but I digress. He was excellent.

Scenes are breathtakingly beautiful - no wonder NZ is cashing out on this like mad. The landscape is insane.

Cinematography was familiar exact replica of the previous LOTRs. There were several scenes which bugged the shit out of me. For someone who's watched all three LOTR's in its director's cut, some movements and scenes were too similar, to the point where I think it was an exact repetition. I wonder if this was a fan service Easter egg thing. There was also, I felt, one scene which necessarily stretched too long to feature the oddball wizard, Radagast - which didn't add anything to the plot.

My mum napped through half the film. She said every time she closed and opened her eyes, it was a fighting scene... haha. Yes, there are lots of fighting. :)

Gandalf kicks a lot of ass here. Verbally and physically. Still my favourite character ever.

And boy, the baritone of the dwarves' singing in the beginning. Hauntingly, solemnly beautiful. It sets the background music for the rest of the movie and it is so.... fitting. Lots of singing here! Happy ones too... and the familiar Hobbit soundtrack is featured quite a bit here. Yup, a lot of recycled materials her. really. Again, not sure if it's meant to pay homage to LOTR or just plain laziness lol.

Image source: official website

It's everything you expected from a Jackson-JRR movie and nothing more. No shocking twists. No mind boggling turns. So if you didn't like first first LOTRs, you're not going to like this.

If you've read The Hobbit, you'll know that the book is about 1/3 of the thickness of the original LOTR. Greedy Jackson's taking it a bit too far by milking this book into 3,  haha But I'm still going to watch the other 2. Can't wait for Benedict Cumberbatch's Smaug to show up in the next one at the end of the year. :(

At nearly 3 hours, it's slightly on the long side. I wonder how the director's cut is going to be lol.

Watch it with a full stomach. The introduction scene's gonna make you wanna lick the screen.

In a nutshell, enjoyable and familiar. It'll do.

More:
Official website
8.4/10 on IMDB
Showtimes
Trailers

2013 resolutions (edited)

13 August 2013- Revisited

Because there are a few bad habits which I really need to work on.

1. NOT using the phone

- that means no texting while driving. leave it on bluetooth and chuck it aside. It's stupid and dangerous. As bad as drunk driving.
- also no bring out the phone when in social engagements unless it's to tweet. or take pics. NOT to check for messages.

13/8/2013: I started good with this, then in the recent months went back to the bad habit again. I will strive to put away the damn phone in a hard to reach place BEFORE i enter the car. 

2. Not to mix my drinks and/or get plastered.

- Because after I mix my drinks I inadvertently GET plastered, and after I get plastered I inadvertently do and say stupid things which are unlike me which I WILL regret the next day. IF I even remember what they are. 2012 hasn't been a good year for me on this. I have to already learn my lesson now.

13/8/2013: Man. I've had at least a couple of incidences where i got so drunk I 1)forgot where I parked my car and 2)i dont remember. This is DANGEROUS and HAS got to stop.

3. Update my blogs at least 3x 2x a week.

- because i do want to be serious about that, and I enjoy it so why not.

13/8/2013: Complete failure this one. been updated an average of once a month perhaps. and the other blog? Hahahha. I blame it on the horrible internet at home.... which is a poor excuse since it's easily fixable. Why don't I want to get my ass on it? My response would be - tired. Terrible excuse. But in other news - I AM READING! at least!

4. Be punctual.
- weather, accidents, jam, the other party is never punctual: not acceptable excuses for me not to learn to manage my time and to show up at a specific time I'm supposed to. Don't like waiting? Bring a book.
13/8/2013: I think I'm getting relatively better at this. But there are still too many social and professional instances where people have waited more than 15 minutes for my ass to show up. Shame on me!

5. Be positive.
- cut down the complaining. seeing the brighter side of things and people (dont bitch). smile. manage that anger.
13/8/2013: I personally think I'm getting better at this. I still have my bout of moodiness and bitchiness........ but at least it's not a tiring constant thing. I think.

New:
6. Get a new job by 2013.
I've been getting too many sleepless nights in the past few months. That horrible feeling that I'm just wasting my time away at the job which 1)is above me 2)in a company I have no pride in working for 3) manned by a CEO i do not respect 4).. and which I don't feel like I'm positively contributing to society in anyway towards anything.

7. Read a book a month.
That's 5 books more to go.