Into 3 Weeks

This is my third week of the new job. too many words running in my head to describe how it is so far. But it is a combination of the following:

overwhelming
intriguing
exciting
scary
lost

I had a huge cultural shock when i joined. This environment is completely alien to me and I can only be thankful that my past 10 years of colourful working experiences has given me some tools and knowledge to sort shit out on my own, sort of/

I have to admit that there has been more than once which I have doubted my decision. More than once I wanted to throw in the towel. More than once I had to calm myself down when I was at the verge of being in tears. More than once I have thought about how it would be if I had just taken up the other more comfortable,  familiar opportunity. More than once I just wanted to stay in bed from mental and physical exhaustion wondering what madness is this for committing myself into something as nutty as this. I realise that it's because I want to keep on learning. Keep on doing and experiencing new things. This is of course to the detriment of my career path, salary, and possibly added stress - but what is the meaning of life if you're not going to be challenged by something new every now and then? Where's the fun in the mundane, the safe, and the mechanical routine? I totally wanted this, and nothing is ever perfect.

And then there are times, like tonight, when I feel like the decision I made is completely spot on. Look, if I never had the chance to do this, I will never had to push myself out of my comfortable zone  - I would never have had to force myself to meet people, learn to communicate, learn to be human. I am forced to read people, to understand them, to try and anticipate them. So much opportunity to observe and absorb. I am constantly surrounded by salespeople. I used to hate salespeople - to me they talked too much are are never honest.. and now I'm starting to realise why they have to be what they are. And now I have a newfound respect for them. Sometimes people have to do what they have to do to get the job done. Hate the game. Don't hate the player. If I had my cushy cubicle job, I will never have so much opportunity to learn and observe ... people. We are such fascinating creatures. :) That being said, I can never be com

I will keep reminding myself to be grateful to all the help I've been getting from my new found colleagues. Not all of them are as readily helpful -- and that's something I need to learn to overcome. But I at awe at how some people are just so, unselfish, self sacrificial, and generous.
At least for now. I'm going to take everything at face value because there's no other reason to doubt kindness.

So I guess the only left to say is - BRING IT ON. If it doesn't kill me I'm just gonna keep kicking ass.