Not everyone is worth your fuck.
We were talking about how a group of fun-loving people who love to have fun who don't give a fuck about others within the group. Even if you go as a group, they'd just disperse and do their own thing and act as if you happened to be there. Wtf - it never dawned upon me that this sort of shit happens among "friends". That feels so wrong to me. So uncaring. So irresponsible and selfish. I guess it takes all kinds to make this planet.
But at least I know that this is not the sort of "friends" I want to keep, or the type of "friend" i want to be. So i know now how to categorise them.
The words friend is used very loosely here, hence the inverted commas. Everyone has the right to their own definition I guess. On how to be a friend. On how to be.
If on your deathbed you can name 5, just 5 friends you know will go all out to help you when you're in deep shit - you have lived a great life.
It was difficult for me to even name 3. And that also I'm not even sure.
It's not as if I don't know many awesome and caring people. But it's probably because I myself haven't been that great of a friend. If I haven't been a great friend, if I didn't put in the effort, why should anyone give a fuck?
What am I scared of? Scared of caring and giving to people who are worth it because why? you're afraid one that you'll be fucked over? By what? How? Why? There are reasons why they have been your friends for years and years. Reasons why you bothered keeping in touch in the first place. Reasons why they were worth caring about so why should you care what happens after? If I get fucked over, then I get fucked over la.
It's not as if I don't know many awesome and caring people. But it's probably because I myself haven't been that great of a friend. If I haven't been a great friend, if I didn't put in the effort, why should anyone give a fuck?
What am I scared of? Scared of caring and giving to people who are worth it because why? you're afraid one that you'll be fucked over? By what? How? Why? There are reasons why they have been your friends for years and years. Reasons why you bothered keeping in touch in the first place. Reasons why they were worth caring about so why should you care what happens after? If I get fucked over, then I get fucked over la.
Fear. Fear stops you from being great. But it's just a feeling which will past innit. Need to get over it and just do it.
So maybe what I really do need to learn to pick and choose who is worth giving a fuck about.
Not something that comes easy for me because I am by nature, very, very fucking soft hearted actually.
But if I want to survive and self-preserve, it's a skill I must learn to pick up.
Honestly, sometimes it's just easier to curl up in bed, than to face people. But really, one needs to make an effort to give a fuck. There needs to be some balance in the force, so to speak haha. So get out there. If I get burnt. Learn. Move on.
Learn to say no.
Learn to be selective.
Learn to be assertive.
Learn to stand up for myself. Because if I'm not going to do it for myself, who will?
Nobody nobody but me.
And hopefully, when I've learnt to be a better friend, 5 of them too.
And hopefully, when I've learnt to be a better friend, 5 of them too.
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