A Tribute To The Times When Songs Were Songs.

Is it me or are the local hit radio stations just spewing out endless garbage over and over and over again these days?

A hit doesn't even have to be music anymore.

It doesn't even need to be sang by a normal sounding human being - ting! ting!. Look Mr Justin Timberlake, I really thought NSync was fun because you guys were the only boyband who could actually DANCE and had decent vocals and when you left your group to pursue you own shit, I STILL thought you had pretty decent vocals and damn catchy moves but WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH SEXY BACK??!?!?! (whish IS rather catchy I have to admit, but makes me feel dirty to enjoy it, somehow)

Can anyone even catch what the new bands are screaming about half the time? What's with their trying to squeezing 43932743598 BIG words to a beat and all? Not enough airtime? Trying to cut cost of production? Dudes at Panic! At the Disco, I mean what's up with that? Your lyrics don't even MAKE sense to the sober mind, is it supposed to be like some sort of an EMO shit where there's a DEEPER meaning to your lyrics if only I smoked pot? And your titles like

"the only different between martyrdom and suicide is press coverage"

and

"theres a good reason these tables are numbered honey you just havent thought of it yet"

.... are like woah. dudes. deep. very deep.

I mean what the fuck are you idiots TRYING TO BE FUNNY?

And why is EVERY OTHER SONG out of the airwaves and MTV BLACK RAP HIP HOP BIG BOOTY SHAKING HOES SEE MY BLING MY GRILLS SHIT?!?!?! IT IS NOT SHWEEET FO SHIZZLE IN MY NIZZLE YO!

And Rihanna? The tweenage slut who's emoing over the fact that she's cheating over her loving boyfriend through her "I constantly sound like a bad case flu or a fork scraping against a plate god please kill me now" nasal voice? How is that for the Greatest Role Model for Tweens EvAr award?

Simple Plan? 20 something year olds crying about why the world doesn't understand them? GO HUG AN AFRICAN KID WITH AIDS! GET A REAL JOB!

PussyCatDolls? I......You..... They.... Shit, damnit why do you bitches have to be so damn hot I forgot what my point was.. oh wait it's coming back to me now.. and it has something to do with the fact that THEY ARE A BURLESQUE GROUP WITH ONE "SINGER" AND FIVE OVERPAID BACK UP DANCERS WHICH MEANS THEY SHOULD BE KEPT LOCKED UP IN LAS VEGAS NOT SET LOOSE UPON THE INNOCENT MINDS OF OUR CHILDREN!! Who are our future! Teach them well and let them lead the way! All that jazz! ... and I'm quite sure that "allowing them to watch a PCD concert" doesn't fall under "teach them well".

PARIS HILTON? WHYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?! OH GODDDDDD WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?!?!?!?!?

Ok. Disclaimer. I have to admit some of these current shit hits are still quite catchy. The flesh is weak.

*ashamed*

But it's still shit, you know?

What happened to the days when singers were recognised as singers because they actually had some REAL RAW TALENT?

See the constant EH?WTF? look etched on my face whenever I hear the stuff my sister listen to these days. All noise I tell you. Noise. Produced though recording sounds made by squishing little furry animals with bare hands accompanied by the clashing of stainless steel kitchen utensils in the background that's what it is.

Actually, to be fair, I bet my mum thought the music I listened to during MY time was noise too.

Maybe I'm getting a little too old for the scene.

Well, because there's no school like the old school, here's a little tribute to the old times when music was... music.

So, if you have nothing against oldies and feel like wasting away a little over 3 minutes of your life today by listening to something which may be detrimental to the well-being of your sanity, ears, heart, reproductive organs, intestines and whatnot then by all means do proceed to click the "play" button.

If you don't swing that way, then this post ends here and I suggest you fuck off this very instant, because really, if you're a normal self-preserving individual like nature intended you to be with half an ounce of grey matter, it would be a very wise thing to do right about now.

Right. That leaves..... the 3 of you.

So, on with the tribute.

Oh, wait. The person involved in this recording wishes to humbly apologise for the cringing flat notes and to emphasise the fact that she/he is AWARE that she/he has NO TALENT whatsoever in this aspect, but in the name of torturing the masses, she/he does not give a fuck AND would rather remain anonymous for these few obvious reasons. Ok, NOW go press the play button and destroy yourselves.


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Told you so, psychos.